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Is This Normal...

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by tscott, Jan 20, 2015.

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  1. tscott

    tscott
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    Hey all. I need a bit of help. This past Sunday I picked someone up in a bar and took him home. Am I a slut?

    I had just gone out for a drink Sunday, and I went to a place I knew would be quiet. My intent was simply have a drink and go home. No ulterior motives. I knew I would have to pick up my kids in the morning for the holiday. This is the first time I've ever done anything like this.

    I walked in took a quick look around and ordered a scotch. I noticed this cute little bear at the other end of the bar. I didn't have the nerve to move to either seat next to him. I just stood where I was admiring him. He then gets up and says good night to the bar tender and starts walking out. Our eyes lock, but he was still on his way out. He even hesitates at the door, but not before turning back looking directly at me. I still don't make a more. Then I decide to be bold - brazen, even. I had even paid for my drink on the bar yet. I overheard the barkeep call him David. I went to the door and called to him asking if he'd like another drink. He turns, says yes, and is walking back to the bar. my heart is in my throat.

    I introduce myself and order an drink and before you know it he has his hands on head and is kissing me, rather passionately. After a bit of conversation, I find out he's from the Boston area, he's a photographer, and he's up to visit his brother, but his brother doesn't get in until tomorrow, some miscommunication or other. When I say a bit of conversation, I mean a bit. We were literally all over one another coming up only to breathe and drink. I lost all sense of decorum, asked him to spend the night. To which he agreed. I felt like a hormonal teenager. In the morning, I walked him to his car and we kissed again. I could have cared less what the neighbors thought.

    He's visiting me again tomorrow evening. I've been asked to explore anal sex (top and bottom), which I've never done before. I'm a little intimidated by it, but I guess this is what my shrink meant by "go out and be gay. Play in the sandbox." I feel a bit conflicted, but question if there is anything of which to be truly ashamed. of.

    This is so contrary to any of my past behaviors: the three date rule, getting to know one another, well, at least we knew one another's names before touching each other's junk (but not for very long). It's just that I've always been in a relationship before, and here I am thinking about doing things I've not done before. I am not a shallow person, but the other night was incredibly fun.
     
    #1 tscott, Jan 20, 2015
    Last edited: Jan 20, 2015
  2. Thelyingleo

    Thelyingleo
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    I'm new to this whole thing, so I don't have advice to give, just support and a big pat on the back for doing what felt good to you. I've never cared for the word slut, it gives people such a sense of shame for being and doing what felt right to them at the time. The mom part of me says "be safe be safe be safe" and the newly out me says "I could soo see me doing that!" hahahha. Just be true to you, listen to your inner voice, it's all that we can do right?
     
    #2 Thelyingleo, Jan 20, 2015
  3. greatwhale

    greatwhale
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    Hey Scott,

    No there really is nothing wrong here, you're both adults, and you exercised judgment, quick-thinking and a strong dose of courage!

    Time to read your signature again! :grin:
     
    #3 greatwhale, Jan 20, 2015
  4. kindy14

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    Well, I'm just who I am.

    I had a guy over on Sunday, stay for an hour, which was very enjoyable for me, then he left. The Colts sucked big air, so it's not like we were missing anything. Only my 3rd hookup with sex in the last 5 months. Though I had a guy that was supposed to be over Friday night, lost his phone, was supposed to come over yesterday, forgot he had a paper due... (Do I include the guy that I sexted with on Sunday??? so confusing.)

    Feeling desired is a new thing for me. So, call me a slut, I'm happy with that. And I'm not ashamed for having sex with random guys at the moment. (I'm being safe.)

    I never had the self-confidence before now to really put myself out there in the dating public.
     
    #4 kindy14, Jan 20, 2015
  5. RalphHenry

    RalphHenry Guest

    That's perfectly fine and NO, you are not a slut. It doesn't matter how long you knew his name before anything happened. Yes, it's good to be in love and know a person when you do that, but come on we're humans. It's a need, which means all of us have to have it to be balanced. You had fun and lived life! Why beat yourself up over it? I see nothing to be ashamed of. I actually applaud you!

    I hope the next visit goes well. I also hope that maybe something will come of this. You both seemed to have had an instant chemistry just by looking at each other. Just be safe and keep a straight head about this. Otherwise, I say everything was perfectly normal. It's funny how when we aren't looking for something it automatically appears.
     
    #5 RalphHenry, Jan 20, 2015
  6. Choirboy

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    Well really, what's "normal" anyhow? Plenty of straight guys wouldn't give a second thought to picking some woman up on a bar without even knowing her name. For that matter, plenty of them would pick her up without finding her even remotely attractive. Is that "normal"? I obsessed over an anonymous poster here for 5 weeks before basically taking advantage of a crisis in his life to meet him in person. If our feelings weren't so completely mutual that we fell in love at first sight, you could probably label me a creepy stalker. Is that "normal"?

    We're all learning our way and figuring out what to consider normal. You're both adults and chances are you're more fragile than he is. Sounds like you're just flexing and growing and learning. And that IS perfectly normal.
     
    #6 Choirboy, Jan 20, 2015
  7. CyclingFan

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    I wish I had less of that part screaming at me "be safe be safe be safe" that goes past what's really remotely likely.
     
    #7 CyclingFan, Jan 20, 2015
  8. tscott

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    "Is it normal for me?" Might be a better question. I struggle with guilt, the scripts my parents engrained in my brain, and my reputation as a gay man. I would be asking myself the same question I think as a straight man. On the other hand, the encounter is fun and intriguing. From what I know of him, now this getting ahead, I could see myself with someone like him, but Boston is a fair distance from Rochester.

    And Choirboy never could I think of you as a "stalker".
     
    #8 tscott, Jan 20, 2015
  9. Choirboy

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    Hah....well, I suppose you can't really call it stalking when the attraction was as subtle as a sledgehammer on both sides and almost instantaneously. Brings home the point, though, that amazing things can happen if you let them. I never pictured myself in a relationship and certainly wouldn't have imagined it happening the way it did. If you like this guy, don't let geography convince you it couldn't happen.
     
    #9 Choirboy, Jan 20, 2015
  10. kindy14

    kindy14 Guest

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    Yes, though I want to be slutty right now, I'm open to the possibility of more than sex.
     
    #10 kindy14, Jan 20, 2015
  11. Yossarian

    Yossarian
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    What's the problem? You are single and gay. You went out to a bar and met somebody you liked who liked you. You hooked up, just like thousands of hetero guys did on the same night. You are going to be careful and responsible if you have intercourse, on the second "date". I don't see a problem.
     
    #11 Yossarian, Jan 20, 2015
  12. Weston

    Weston
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    Listen to your shrink, not your parents' scripts!
     
    #12 Weston, Jan 20, 2015
  13. CyclingFan

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    Is there a medical procedure one can have that lasers this onto ones ocular nerve or retina? :slight_smile:
     
    #13 CyclingFan, Jan 20, 2015
  14. looking for me

    looking for me
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    Whoo Hoo, good on ya bud. enjoy life, the part i bolded i love. and you and he are consenting adults and there is nothing that can see in your post to be ashamed of. and your haveing a second date, that's fantastic.
     
    #14 looking for me, Jan 21, 2015
  15. Purplefrog

    Purplefrog Guest

    You're two consenting adults, who know what the score is - I can't see a problem.
     
    #15 Purplefrog, Jan 21, 2015
  16. PatrickUK

    PatrickUK
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    You know, sometimes you just have to go with the moment and enjoy it. When it comes to exploring the sexual side of things you have to keep the sensible thoughts in mind, but otherwise do what you are doing. Gay abandon? :grin:
     
    #16 PatrickUK, Jan 21, 2015
  17. quebec

    quebec
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    I sure don't know much (nothing at all) about hook-ups. But you are both adults. I don't think it's my or anyone else business, but I do hope you were careful, we don't need any more seriously ill people from an overnight experience...Hey did I say that really nicely? I was trying. :slight_smile: Good luck...who knows...maybe this is the one!!
     
    #17 quebec, Jan 21, 2015
  18. ANewDawn

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    Slut shaming is bullshit from anyone else so u definitely shouldn't do it to yourself. Almost everyone likes sex - people who slut shame are only jealous because they're not getting any. If you're taking care of yourself do wtvr makes you happy :grin:
     
    #18 ANewDawn, Jan 21, 2015
  19. bingostring

    bingostring
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    Not a slut !!! Just think of it as … letting your foot off the brakes :icon_bigg
     
    #19 bingostring, Jan 21, 2015
  20. MisterTinkles

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    Hey.............Im all over the 3 date rule, cordial manners, and getting to know someone........

    but sometimes................just sometimes.............its nice to let loose.



    MMmmmm, a bear you say?
    WOOF and GRRRRR!!!!!:wink:
     
    #20 MisterTinkles, Jan 21, 2015
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