I'm sad

Welcome to the human race and what is known as "life" on this planet.


I'm a blunt person, so forgive me if this seems mean or cruel, as it is not meant to be.

You need to be who you are. To hell with anybody else who refuses to take their heads out of their asses to understand there are different people in the world.

It is NONE of THEIR business who you want to date, hang out with, or get in a relationship with. If they think it IS their business, then they are worthless turds.

A DECENT human being will not give a damn about your dating preferences (as long as they are acceptably legal). Decent people only care about if you are a good person or not, if you are a loyal friend, trustworthy, honest.......and things like that. Anybody that thinks your private and personal business is ANY of their concern.....well, you don't need them in your life, they will only drag you down.

A lot of people have had to disown their families and so-called friends, because they needed to be themselves and live their own lives without the shackles of moronic, stupid imbeciles who have no clue as to what being a good human is all about.

Creating your own life and destiny may mean you will have to make some major sacrifices in order to get there.

You be who YOU want to be, and if they don't like it, to hell with them.
Go live your life on your terms. Don't let anybody drag you down.

A happy life means making some hard and sometimes difficult decisions.

They aren't living THEIR lives to make YOU happy, why the hell should you live YOUR life to make THEM happy?

You don't need that.

Get out in the big old world........go places, see things, meet people.
There's more people on this planet than those standing around you.

 

I think you will find happiness. It sounds like you've just recently come to this realization so you need to give it time to sink in. There will be a feeling of, "Let's get this show on the road already!" but I think most here would advise you try to ride this phase out. This has passed for me and now I'm taking things one step at a time. Hanging out here, reading other's posts, asking questions, getting comfortable with the new me. Just recently, I've contacted a local resource centre to find out about a women's support/social group. I'm not quite ready to get involved in a real life environment yet but managed to send this one email enquiry. So, getting closer.

I am in no way setting myself as an example of how things are done but just for you to know that anything is possible. I truly believe, if you can imagine something, it's possible.

I'm equally stuck with telling my family even though I'm pretty sure they'll be fine. It doesn't matter how we expect they'll react, it's hard but yours may surprise you.

Hang in there. As pieces of your puzzle start to fall into place, you will slowly start to feel rather marvelous. I think that's why we use the word "gay". It means "happy"!

 

As the old saying goes, "Rome was not built in one day".

And you are not a screwup! Not even close. You managed to learn and accept something about yourself with some pretty tremendous forces against you.

Are you in an area with a large city and lgbtq resources?

 

I am still fooling around here after all these years. Fear is a powerful force. We al ways come up with dozens of reasons to keep the status quo. I think it is important to make all the friends of like mind you can and see where things go from there. This way you at least won't feel isolated!

 

Gingerlili...you are not a screw up! You need to remove that thought immediately. It is not useful. We can't choose who are attracted to and there are so many great LGBT out there. I completely understand the fear. Little steps! You will get there!

 

I watched an awesome documentary call Fish Out Of Water discussing religion and homos. You should check it out some times. Try to get your family to see it too.

 

I'm really sorry that you have to deal with family and friends who would not accept you as you are.

But I really believe in remaining hopeful. You can definitely find happiness, even if you can't see it from here.

 

The precipice of realization is scary. There's so much 'unknown'. The best we can do is take baby steps as we're able to to explore. I'm two steps forward and one back myself. But even finding this forum was a step in the positive direction to reach out to others like yourself. You're not a screwup or a bad person. There's so many reason that so many people who are LGBT+ have issues finding themselves when the world is hetero-normative; even if you have inklings or know things just aren't right, you blame yourself, and then when you start to realize, we still tend to blame ourselves, it sucks. Just keep trying to figure out who you are and what you want (&&&) we are here for you.

 

Yes I understand you! I was 36 years old and did not tell my mom until after 2 years. My father still does not know and I finally told my sister almost a year ago. Because of my brothers religious beliefs, I did not tell him, but found out he knows. Intimacy with a woman is amazing!!!!

 

I think it bothers me more that I haven't had enjoyable sex yet with the same sex.

On the other point, about your conservative family, it is a hard one. My brother is an orthodox right wing Jew living in Jerusalem; I never plan on telling him anything. But I've come to understand that the big problem is telling yourself the truth and accepting yourself for who you are. This is an ongoing struggle for me.

---------- Post added 27th Jan 2015 at 05:31 PM ----------

If you are interested in a great family video, look for "Anyone and Everyone" as well.

 

My ex-husband is an Orthodox Jew and I was Orthodox when we got married. When I realized that I wasn't straight and didn't want to pretend to be anymore it didn't go over very well though he was mostly decent about it. When our child realized ey was transgender that went over even less well and my ex has not been very decent about that.

(I've also never really enjoyed sex with men, but I still can't decide if it's because of my sexuality or just that I haven't been with very many men and my ex-husband was kind of hung up about sex. I've been celibate for many years too though at this point. It does make me wonder.)

 

Gingerlili :


Thirty-nine yrs old. is still so young to be thinking that life is over just because you are
a lesbian. You said that you've made the attempt at least half a dozen times to be intimate with a partner, but you didn't say what their reaction was ? So how can you be sure that you are a lesbian If you don't have a true partner ?


Of course, we don't know the whole story, and maybe its not our business, but,
then how can you ask for advise. You also said that most men are just jerks , and you are so right, but I'm here to listen to YOU, not to make judgments.


You want to hear something pathetic, I've been with three partners, and they have all gotten married, and divorced twice. And these idiots have gotten full custody of the children, HA, HA,!!!!!!!!suckers.


Jaymegurl

 

you are definitely in the right place, Gingerlili. We all are or have dealt with similar feelings. I think that there are some people that we may never tell, either because we don't want to hurt them, or we don't want to be hurt. But it is important to find someone with whom we can be open and honest. that can be what we most need to find the strength to go forward each day.

 

Hi Gingerlili, welcome to one of the man-made wonders of the world. I was in your shoes a couple of years ago, but I was a good few years older, and at the time, a married mother of two. I won't bother going into my whole story, but will tell you a couple of things as relate to your OP.

1. I had been with 4 men in my life and I felt exactly the same way as you in terms of intimacy with the opposite sex. But the first time I as with a woman after coming out? My whole world lit up. I finally understood what all the hubbub was about. Never could quite understand before. So you've got a world of wonderful new experiences to look forward to - no need to be sad!

2. Family. Much to my surprise, my ex-husband and both of my kids accepted my coming out - and subsequent relationships - with joy on my behalf. All they want for me is my happiness. I am not out to my mother - who is 82, deeply religious and lives across country - why upset her world when my sexual orientation has no bearing on her day-to-day? Neither am I out to my brother, who has been "born-again" and would thus have to condemn me to hell. But to be frank, I could never accept his beliefs or the way he acts on them, so if I expected anything different from him I'd be pretty hypocritical, don't you think?

But other than those two, everyone else in my world - friends, family, co-workers, acquaintances... the list goes on - has been, if not warm and welcoming, then at the very least accepting and non-judgmental. Almost to a one, every response I've received has been so far to the opposite of what I expected when I finally had my own :eek: eye opening moment of self realization, that it's been quite a heart-warming experience. With a good few :eusa_doh: moments thrown in when I think about how much time I wasted not being true to myself.

I found happiness the day I finally stopped trying to be someone I'm not. That doesn't mean that things aren't still difficult, but it's easier to deal with difficulties when you're happy with yourself. Am I (are you) different? Yes. Different than most. But does that matter? I'm also blue eyed - that too makes me different than most. Who cares? My eye color makes me different than most, but doesn't make me a "screw up" any more than being a lesbian does. It's not like you willfully disregarded a wonderful opportunity being handed to you on a platter (my definition of a screw up). You are exactly who you are meant to be - now if you can just truly allow yourself to be that person, you won't be screwed up any more!

(&&&) Good luck!

 

Hi Gingerlili,

To add to this, I wanted to say that life on this planet is ultimately a struggle for survival. Right now in our own backyards this battle is being played out, insects preying on other insects, birds preying on the insects, predators preying on the birds, parasites irritating the lot of them...life is tough. Many of us humans have it far easier than this, however there ARE places in this world where even for human beings, life is a daily struggle to just survive, or even something that gives far more pain than joy.

All we have is today. We can't even guarantee that we will get to live out this one day. So live this one day being true to yourself, true to your heart, and to hell with those who would attempt to deny this to you. Simply put, life is just too brief to not strive for your dreams, whether or not they are ever fully realized.