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question for people in straight relationships

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Jaymmm, Jan 22, 2015.

  1. Jaymmm

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    Im a woman (mostly straight) and i´d like to have a relationship with a man- i havent had it yet and i think its partly because i dont "radiate" that feeling that i actually want some guy. I dont feel any emotional attraction to them, any adrenaline feeling, nothing like this. If there are any people who date(d) people of the opposite sex and knew they didnt enjoy it emotionally so much- how did u pretend you´re into it? Whats the best trick for looking like you´re really interested?
     
  2. greatwhale

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    I guess the first question I would ask is why you would want to know such a thing? As for using a trick to get someone into a relationship...why???

    There is no profit to either party in basing a relationship on a lie; I would hope that if anyone knew such tricks, they would keep it to themselves. It starts with the premise that you'd like to have a relationship with a man...you need to explore why when you know in advance that it won't work.
     
  3. Jaymmm

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    It could work but i think i need they are attracted to me first to be emotionally attracted by them... (When I see handsome guy but i know he isnt into me then i lost my interest as well, i need to support my engagement into dating thing to raise my "emotional" atractivity and break that vicious circle)
     
  4. PrairieRachel

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    Yes, why? Been pretending all my life and it's horrible and soul robbing.
     
  5. Nickinthemiddle

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    I think for most of us here there's no 'trick' to ending up in a straight marriage when you are in denial. You do what you think are 'supposed' to do and it never is 'right'. The struggle then to reconcile who you finally realize you are to the foundation your entire world is circling around - the 'straight' marriage... soul crushing.

    If you use a 'trick' on purpose to get someone to think that you are emotionally into them when you consciously know you are not... no good shall come of it.

    Better to wait until it comes natural, the 'spark' is there for you.

    Best wishes to you~
     
  6. jay777

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  7. Jaymmm

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    I feel i cant wait any longer, i tried to be emotional attracted to other people but im not so much, so now it´d be nice to break it because i think that if someone is attracted to me- there´s better chance i´ll be emotionally attract to him as well
     
  8. jay777

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    Well what keeps you from feeling emotionaly attracted to others ?
    Some restraints, or a kind of insecurity on your side ?
    A relaxed attitude could help...
    One way would be to go to groups, as suggested in the link above.
    This way you could get to know people slowly and you could get experience in interacting with other people. And maybe even have fun in the meantime.
     
  9. quebec

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    Jaymmm - You run the risk of dong what has happened to so many of us here on EC. Why put yourself through that torture and why, oh, why do that to another person who is unaware, I guess "Innocent" of the situation? Far better to hold off for a while and she how you feel. Go to activities in groups as an unattached friend just along for an evening of fun. Then keep you eyes and heart open to find out what they "see" and what they "feel". Don't drag yourself and another person into hell when you just not sure how you feel. David
     
  10. alwaysforever

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    I think it is a bad idea to go into a relationship unless you are actually attracted to the other person. There is a big difference between feeling you should be attracted to someone based on what they feel for you and mutual attraction. Even when you do feel strong attraction sometimes it can just be a bad idea.

    Read what you wrote as if someone else had written the question. It sounds like you are trying to force things that just are not there. That doesn't mean that you really are, but the way you pose the question certainly leaves that impression. There is nothing wrong with staying single, enjoying friendships and sorting things out till you are absolutely sure what you want vs what is achievable.

    Going into a non-platonic relationship with this perspective will hurt the other person. No ifs and or buts about it. It will hurt you as well. No matter what your orientation forcing attraction that just isn't there is a bad idea. Be sure that you are not trying to convince yourself of your orientation before you start making decisions that affect other people so drastically.
     
  11. Jaymmm

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    I didnt wanna start relationship if i dont see attraction on my part, it was just an effort to inflame that emotional attraction.

    Do u have crushes on someone (=falling for someone emotionally) even after they reject you or when they signalize they dont want you? I dont.
     
  12. treatmeright

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    If I knew before my marriage that I can never be attracted to a man I would weasel my way out of it. But for me at that time with no sexual experience what so ever I entered this marriage as its my fate. And I'm glad it was with great man. But after I knew it is a struggle to this moment every day is a lie and I deserve an Oscar for it.
     
  13. Yossarian

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    I don't know why you would want to have a "relationship" with someone you feel no emotional attraction to. Or by "relationship", do you mean you want to have sex with a man to see how you like it? If so, that's pretty easy; straight men don't need to have a whole lot of encouragement to have sex; all they need is a place. If you have the desire, they will find a place to give you what you want.
     
  14. Jaymmm

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    I just wanna be attracted to males emotionally and i believe that when i see their emotional interest it´ll make me to be interested too, i believe in this logic
     
  15. jay777

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    But this kind of interest is perpetually dependent on others attention.

    Usually people connect because there is something they really like in the other person...
    a personality they like, common traits, and common interests...
     
  16. Jaymmm

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    yes, its interconnection of characters, i just dunno if people still crush on someone even if they dont feel they are love back
     
  17. jay777

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    Yes otherwise there could be no unrequited love.

    Look... having crushes is also a gut feeling...
    for some its that feeling of butterflies described...
    you could simply think about your preferences, and start looking around without restraints...
    if you are frightened this is simply less likely to occur... if you are open, and naturally yourself, its more likely...

    what you describe might be a feeling of flattery...
    being flattered if you are being liked... its something different...
     
    #17 jay777, Jan 24, 2015
    Last edited: Jan 24, 2015
  18. Jaymmm

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    you dont have it? - that when someone flatters you then you´ll most probably like them more...
     
  19. jay777

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    No... tbh I'm wary of that... I tend to think what do they want from me... its a reaction I had to untrain, since some people show genuine liking...
    baseline is, in my opinion for a partnership there should be some deep feelings on your side... not a reflection of feelings...
     
  20. Jaymmm

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    Am I supposse to like somebody independently on whether they like me back?