So after coming out last year, it was hard on my whole family. I have 3 daughters in their early 20's (set of twins in there), and had been with hubby 13yrs. I moved to the mother in law suite of our home last year, and since then have thought a lot about moving out of the house. This week I told him I wanted to move out and really got no response from him. One of my daughters is still living at home and I told her, she seemed bummed but probably saw it coming. The other two live outside of town and have no idea yet, but I'm just not sure how to approach it. Should I wait until I actually have an apartment lined up? Should I tell them now? What should I do? Last year when I came out, I thought I had it all figured out and boy was I wrong! I thought that they would be supportive, because one of my daughters is lesbian and is supported & loved by everyone, so I figured "well if they support her, they'll support me!" and when all hell broke loose and they were angry at me for "tearing apart our family" I was shocked and blind sided. I feel like telling them that I'm moving out isn't going to be a big deal, but that little voice in the back of my head is saying "That's what you thought last time!". :help:
Is what they think or don't think more important than your own well being? they're grown and have their own lives, if they want to keep you there for their own sense of "family" that's pretty selfish i think. i hope you do what's best for you, you deserve it.
I am sure that they will come around. You are taking all the right (but difficult) steps. Good for you! That is not easy to do. I am guessing that it won't compound the problem. Are they wanting you and your husband to stay together now? You are doing what it right...It honestly probably doesn't matter when you tell them. I hope it goes as smoothly as it can.
I think they'll come around. It certainly wouldn't be the first time that someone in their 20s thought of how something would impact them first, right? I think they're ok with gay people, but having it be Mom and leading to a change in something they're accustomed to might take some time. It's important that you do what's right for you too, especially since they're adults.
Thanks everyone for the support and replies Looking For Me: Sometimes it is important what they think, because they are my children, adult or not. It's not soo important that I would go back into the closet, or not go out on my own, but I want them to be a part of my future, and I theirs. It's soo hard to have a great relationship with your kids and then being honest about my sexuality just causes such mayhem... I just wish the turbulence would stop already. I do agree that there's a lot of selfishness on their parts, I hope that that passes as well. I am becoming more and more excited every day about moving out, and feel as if a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders now Now I just have to find the perfect place for me to live!
That is great that you are getting more excited! I am guessing they are more angry about the divorce and how your husband feels and maybe it isn't really about your sexuality? Just a guess. It does suck for him but you moving out will be better for everyone I would think. Congrats to you!
this i understand completely, i have a 16 year old that i'm raising as a single parent, my point; albeit poorly made was that as others have said they will settle out and being adults will take awhile but they will get there especially as there is considerable experience in your family with LGBT issues. i understand the excitement too, i am planning on moving when the boy graduates from school closer to work and to an area with more LGBT presence than the little village i live in now even if i love it because it is home.
Congratulations on finding the courage to move forward. People's initial reactions will be what they will be, but eventually the truth will settle in and life will continue along its rhythms, and you will be happy. Good luck! (&&&)
Yes, that is a HUGE part of their anger/resentment/distance! You see, this is a man that has been nothing but wonderful to me, and my daughters, never ever has even raised his voice to me or my girls, and has given us the world. This is really hard for them, because they view him as a father, and they love him soo much, he's pretty much the only father they've ever had, as their father has been very distant. My hubby has really not done anything wrong, this is my journey and my decision, and they have a hard time understanding it at all. On top of it all, he has been extremely supportive of me coming out, my hurt feelings over other people's reactions, even going so far as to talk to the girls about it and telling them that he supports this. The girls, understandably see him as a saint, and see him as the perfect parent who has been hurt by this horrible thing that I am doing. Kinda hit the nail on the head with that one :eusa_clap ---------- Post added 1st Feb 2015 at 05:17 PM ---------- I hear ya, I waited until my twins graduated, and then started my own mental and physical journey, then the next year (last year) I came out and started moving toward my own freedom. This year, will be the big steps of moving out & moving on from my marriage and while it feels scary, it also feels soo damn liberating and exciting. I live in a smallish rural area, and I am going to move out here first in order to save money for the bigger move to the big city where I'll have the lgbt community around me. Good luck to you in your next big steps! (*hug*) ---------- Post added 1st Feb 2015 at 05:18 PM ---------- Thanks Wildside! Just typing these words and reading the replies have a HUGE smile on my face lol. I am soo excited for my future.
