Have been feeling a bit odd in recent months about my 'coming out later in life' experiences. As I have discussed and explored in earlier posts - I came out 3 years ago (at 48) and was amazed and honoured that not a single friend or family member or work colleague was anything but 100% supportive. No-one disowned me or hurt me. It was pushing at an open door! I know I am incredibly privileged to have had this response and that in other parts of the world or even in other parts of the UK or in different circles of people this would not have happened. I have had read another other posts on EC to know how lucky I have been. The weird thing is that I am beginning now to feel a massive sense of anti-climax. Not sure how else to describe it? The world (or at least my part of it) has been going through a quantum shift in accepting LGBT people. Thanks to positive media coverage, better role models and supportive liberal minded governments passing new laws it is getting better and better by the day to be openly gay. So where does all this leave me? I spent so many decades in the closet, bottling up so much shame and guilt and self-doubt. Now I am out I have been going through all the classic phases of anger and grief and regret at lost times, but the biggest most recent emotion is 'anti-climax'. It is like I want people to be disgusted or not understand so that I can fight for my rights and shout and get angry at their in tolerance… but although i can do this by shaking my fist at the TV or social media as I see reports on LGBT repression in Russia or Uganda or Saudi Arabia - I can't do it to people around me. Surely that is good though? Why can't i be happy that everyone is so accepting? On one level I am, but on another I feel deprived of having the fight taken away from me? Does anyone know what I am talking about here or have similar feelings??
Hi, If it helps... They probably don't "understand" but they accept and hold no bias. I was married to the same woman 21 years and although I can predict her actions I do not truly understand her motivations. I cannot wait for anti-climax. I have been screaming down this narrow mountain pass with no guardrail or brakes for going on two years. Anti-climax sounds marvvvyyy.
In a scenario such as a person coming out, confusion and anti-climactic feelings are very common. Since we don't have anyone to discuss our thoughts with to gain another perspective, certain thought patterns can dominate without being challenged. Therefore it is likely you convinced yourself that there was no outcome but rejection. If this is true, you would have prepared yourself for only this. Now that you find the reality is different, you need time to come to terms with it and formulate a plan on which you can progress into the next stages of your life.
