I'm not sure if I'm in the right place for this one. I wrote the other day on another part of the forum, but thought I'd just write about it here as well. If you need to know a bit about my background, I think I still have a 'coming out' post in my profile. I'm in a LD relationship. I met this woman in '11 online. She lives in Canada with her two young boys (ages 13 and 11 now). Knowing that she couldn't leave her kids, and mine is grown, I went there to visit, and ended up staying. We both come from similar backgrounds, and I thought that this might help our relationship as we grew closer. She and I both got out of abusive relationships, and alcoholism is also a factor. I realized that not only did this vice run in her family, but she also had the same problem. To this day she's in stubborn denial. I did my best to manage, took charge of relationship and household, until this past August. Too much stress, too much friction, and I missed my country and my son. I left her with the belief that one day I would return, as I had applied for residency there, and it was still in process when I left. I've kept in touch with her since. I let her know before I left that I expected to see a change in circumstances if she wanted things to work, and in turn I was getting counseling and therapy for things I was already dealing with. Her self destructive behavior hasn't abated, and getting stern doesn't help, because the minute I'm nice to her, she thinks everything's okay again, and we're back to square one. I just don't know what to do. I think she must be wearing pretty bright rose colored glasses if she thinks I can just return to Canada once my residency goes through...not with the way things are. Plus, I don't think she's even considering the fact that I'd be leaving my home country AND my son...again...for her. All she can talk about is how things will be different when I return. Am I to understand that she'll decide if she's gonna make a change after I get back? :bang: :eusa_doh: :icon_sad: Thanks for reading this...
It doesn't sound like you're too happy with how things are now. You're obviously trying to improve things for yourself on your end and that's good. Everyone should try to be the best version of themselves they can be. It doesn't sound like she's making the same effort for herself. If you're still a work in progress, it might be too much to expect you to accept her, warts and all, seeing as what her "warts" are. As for moving and hoping things improve, it sounds a little like buying skinny jeans with the expectation of losing weight to fit them. How often does that work out? ...My 2ยข...
Well, based on the "feeling" of what you wrote about this woman in Canada, it sounds like she is a leech. Not trying to be mean or anything, but sounds like she wants somebody there to take care of her life for her, so she can do whatever the hell she wants. It also sounds like she loves to wallow in her own crap. I've known too many people like this. And if she is anything like them, she will never change, because she loves how things are. She's in this situation to get people to feel sorry for her and do things for her, so she has the free time to do whatever SHE wants to do, while she dumps her problems on someone else. Usually, the one BIG "sign" of this type of person, is the lack of interest to actually do anything to make things better or get them under control. As the saying goes.......actions speak louder than words. Good luck.
Thanks so much for your support Really and MisterSparkles...I appreciate it! (*hug*) As of....February 14th (yeah, I know, what a time to pick, right?), I ended the relationship. Of course, for her, it was 'unexpected' and a 'shock', even though she knows there were problems the whole way through the relationship. I don't feel too great right now, but I know I did the right thing. Perhaps now, she'll be able to see the things she couldn't see when I was there to make life easier for her. -sits in the corner and licks my wounds-
