gay people in romantic relationships with people of the opposite sex

Hi,

Welcome.

How does a breakup (end of friendship) go with woman?

Following where I think you are taking this... Breaking female friendships should be difficult for you.

Does that hold true?

 

Hi

Your story is very similar to mine. But this particularly rang true for me. I always kind of knew it was there but assumed it was a self-protective thing to prevent myself from getting hurt. In the past, I have got extremely distressed and almost erupted emotionally from time to time but normally feelings were never something I understood.

I've cried more and felt more since I realised I was gay than at any other point in my life. It's like a tap got turned on and now it's stuck and won't turn off again.

I've pretty much stopped the crying now, but it doesn't take much to set me off and the rest of the feels are so intense compared to how I used to be.

I am quite scared but also excited to see what the future holds. I've spent so long virtually emotionally sterile that it's almost overwhelming to realise it's not supposed to feel like that.

 

I've only had one relationship, and it was with a guy. I was absolutely devastated after our breakup, but there was also a lot more going on there. We'd been friends for around 10 years, were very close, and I was also extremely worried and guilt-ridden over his mental state. Hard to say if things might have been different if it were a guy I'd only dated for several months, rather than someone I had so much history with. In terms of the relationship itself, I definitely loved him, but I never had the draw to be around him all the time, or touch him or want to be touched by him. I was happy sitting on the couch side by side watching Doctor Who. :lol:

 

I even cry watching comedy movies! :tears: But to court my wife, it was all acting. It was mostly writing letters (back before email), so it was easier to write everything that seemed the right thing to say. It wasn't intentionally cold or calculating, it was just that I was trying to be who I thought I was supposed to be. Then in person, it was easier just to recite the same lines that I had written. Kind of like an actor reading a script. It sounds so cruel, but it wasn't meant to be, it was meant to just try to be the man I thought I was supposed to be. Now, I have found that I have had a really strong emotional reaction with a couple different men that I have been with. Unfortunately, I haven't been with anyone where there was a potential to develop an LTR yet, but I have had that sense of what I call a strong emotional attachment (because I don't want to acknowledge that I might fall in love with someone with whom there is no future). I have read, and I believe, that falling in love can make the coming out process more inevitable.

 

I really only had two relationships with women and they were both emotionally complicated in other ways that made the breakups hard. But I can relate to that coldness that didn't quite make sense. I dunno, maybe coldness isn't quite the word, but def something that seemed different from most of the other couples I knew.

I think you're right about the pain. I have had some nonromantic (at least I as saw it then) relationships with guys that ended in an argument and they also felt very different from other guy/guy friendships as i saw it.