1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

life sucks right now

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Pete1970, Feb 17, 2015.

  1. Pete1970

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 30, 2013
    Messages:
    318
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Connecticut
    Life sucks right now.

    That's basically all I have to say
     
  2. arturoenrico

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2012
    Messages:
    479
    Likes Received:
    9
    Location:
    New York
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    In many ways, I agree, particularly the loneliness; I was just thinking tonight how much I hate to eat dinner alone. Invariably I lose my appetite. I do best when I'm out of the house. busy with whatever but I'm with you on this one.
     
  3. CyclingFan

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 1, 2014
    Messages:
    1,362
    Likes Received:
    30
    Location:
    Northern CA
  4. MOGUY

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 14, 2014
    Messages:
    135
    Likes Received:
    34
    Location:
    Missouri
    My first reaction when reading your posts was to rush in and tell you it'll be ok. I don't like to see people suffer- even strangers. But it would take away the credibility of your emotion. But please know that people do care. One way that you can perhaps help yourself is to find someone else to help. Reach out to others. Those who are broken like you and I are the most qualified to help others.
     
  5. Richie.

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 17, 2013
    Messages:
    546
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    Birmingham UK
    Yeah I think we all have moments like this. Share it all Pete let it out. It hurts inside even more

    Hugs
     
  6. Yossarian

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2013
    Messages:
    1,814
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    Florida
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone

    The key phrase here is "right now". "Sucking" is time dependent; it will not stay that way. Hang in there Pete, and do something that you enjoy doing, or just go out for some exercise. It is hard to focus on feeling bad while you are running or cycling.
     
  7. Choirboy

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 21, 2013
    Messages:
    1,672
    Likes Received:
    427
    Location:
    Wisconsin
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    There are days like that. Hell, there are weeks and months like that. I wish I could give you a timetable and say it will be better next month or by summer or something, but it doesn't work that way. And even when it IS better, there are monsters that pop out of the shadows now and then and yell "Boo!" and discourage you. (Had one of those last night myself.) Just know that we're all sharing in your pain as well as your joys, because we're all familiar with them. And there WILL be joys. But right now, when life sucks, we're here and we care. (&&&)
     
  8. Pete1970

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 30, 2013
    Messages:
    318
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Connecticut
    Thanks guys, it's just every time 8 have the chance to move on, I don't take it.

    When I weigh the decision, it just seems like there is more reason to stay. What guy is going to want a 44 year old with 2 kids, average looks and body on a very good day, and no money? the kids will never be able to stay over because all I will be able to afford is a one room apartment.

    I know people will say I will be living authentically and it would be unfair to my wife, but she does want to stay married, and what is the point of living authentically if I am broke, alone and working 60 plus hours a week?
     
  9. PatrickUK

    Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2014
    Messages:
    6,943
    Likes Received:
    2,359
    Location:
    England
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Pete, have you given anymore thought to visiting the Doctor? It's something you mentioned last week and I wonder if you have taken the idea any further.
     
  10. Pete1970

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 30, 2013
    Messages:
    318
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Connecticut
    Yes but it's so busy at work, I haven't had time to find a new one, plus the insurance renewed last month and we have a high deductible so I would have to pay out of pocket
     
  11. Choirboy

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 21, 2013
    Messages:
    1,672
    Likes Received:
    427
    Location:
    Wisconsin
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Well I'm 53 and fit into all the same categories of kids, looks and money, and I did somehow find a guy....

    But seriously, Pete, this isn't only about "finding a guy". Really, it shouldn't be about that at all. It's more about getting yourself out of an unhappy and intolerable situation, and into one that will give you some chance of sanity and happiness in the long run, with or without someone else.

    Last night the kids were at their own activities and I was subjected to the usual screaming attack because my STBX had some newsletters and sheets that "we" needed to type up because she didn't know how. I made the mistake of rolling my eyes a bit, since her standard mode of operation is to volunteer for things she can't do, and then give them to me to execute. That led to a variety of attacks and accusations about everything in creation. I've finally learned to fight back, and didn't back down from defending myself as I've done in the past. Nothing was really resolved, although I did point out that the "friendship" she's hoping we end up with is a one-sided thing, and I listed out everything I do for her as a "friend", and asked what she ever did for me? The only thing she could come up with was that I have the kids.

    Fighting back is something I've learned as part of this whole experience of coming out and valuing myself as a person. I'm still in a funk and depressed from having Fight #8,754, but I can take comfort in the fact that I've regained some portion of my self-respect. I have a way to go, but it's in progress, at least. But THAT, my friend, is why this is important. We need to learn how to not be abused, taken for granted, disdained as a person, etc. Coming out, for me, was a catalyst for that--or maybe a result? It's the chicken or the egg. Do this, not for "The Guy" or any other reason. Do it for yourself, because you are a good guy who deserves happiness in a better situation than he's in now, even if you're in a one room apartment where you're not being taken advantage of and treated like a non-person. You are worth better than that.
     
  12. kindy14

    kindy14 Guest

    Joined:
    Nov 11, 2014
    Messages:
    788
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Indianapolis, IN
    Gender:
    Male
    Amen brother, amen...

    I despise myself for doing what I did. As much for having to do it, and for the way I did it.

    But, I am so much more happy now. My son is having trouble with this, but he and I have not fought. I have not had to break up any fights between him and his mom. Their relationship, though strained, is less volatile then when I was there.

    I know that I can't be without a male connection in my life, and I know that I want to have a female connection in my life. And it may not be limited to that. I don't know. I'm open (AND FREEE) to all the possibilities life has to offer me. I don't believe I'll ever be monogamous again, but I wont ever say never. Who know's, I could find "the One," in the mean time, I want to find people who fit with me even if it's part time (non-permanent) for now.

    You have to choose first, what is best for you? If you are a miserable SOB because of all this, or suicidal like I was, you need decide how you want to live your life.

    Oh, and I think the saying was always...

    Life sucks, then you die.
     
    #12 kindy14, Feb 18, 2015
    Last edited: Feb 18, 2015
  13. piano71

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 25, 2013
    Messages:
    211
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Pete -

    The very existence of the "bear" community means there are gay men who like middle-aged, average-looking guys.

    Also - is there a reason you are tied down to your current location, such as shared custody of kids?

    Connecticut is an expensive place to live. Could you find a better pay / cost of living situation in another city? If you are locked in to your current location because of kids, or work in a job that is only available in your local area - you'll have to find ways to entertain your kids that don't require a spacious home.

    If your wife wants to stay married, what are her thoughts on "open" relationships?
     
  14. happydavid

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 21, 2014
    Messages:
    1,617
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    A town near Birmingham England
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    If you need to talk message me
     
  15. Wildside

    Wildside Guest

    one thing for sure is that circumstances tend to change, whether we like it or not. do you think things will change in a good direction? or do you see them getting worse before they get better?
     
  16. Pete1970

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 30, 2013
    Messages:
    318
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Connecticut
    Wilds idea - of you mean things will get better with the wife - I doubt it, it's been almost 3 years since things started going south.

    Piano - an open marriage is not an optIon. It's not a question of better pay, it's the problem of too much spending on her part that led to alot of debt. Of course she will say it was all necessary things she bought for the iids.
     
  17. Wildside

    Wildside Guest

    no, wasn't referring to the wife. just asking if you think that things will get better in your life. like, maybe getting a life that she's not a part of. or just living your life without worrying about her. or anything, just not what you're going through now. something different. something better?
     
  18. LoganZ

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 21, 2015
    Messages:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Los Angeles
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    I'm a new member and I do feel you on the "life sucks right now" part.
    But joining this site today has given me a little more hope that love could come from
    the most unlikely persons or places. As depressed as I feel some days, I really feel if I can just hang in there, life has a lot more to offer me. In December 2014, I finally came to grips with my bisexuality by coming out first to myself and then to one gay and one other bi friend both of whom I trust implicitly. I am taking baby steps just learning to love myself one day at a time. It feels lonely sometimes and exillarating other times because a suppressed part of me has awakened.
     
  19. stimpacks

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 27, 2014
    Messages:
    94
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    NC
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Hello and welcome to EC. Keep on taking baby steps and it will get you to where you want to be.
     
  20. Wildside

    Wildside Guest

    you've taken some really BIG steps LoganZ. Coming out to ourselves is a huge step, probably the biggest step of all. And coming out to friends is another big thing. CONGRATULATIONS!!! Baby steps are good too, even when it's two steps forward and one step back. Eventually, we'll all get through that closet door! :welcome: