Was just wondering people's experience living alone after being married. I'm sure it will be lonely at times but it must be pretty nice being able to do what you want, watch what you want on tv or just fall asleep on the couch without anyone bitching.
My wife of almost 40years died 6 months ago. Living alone is all those things Pete. It can also be, well, lonely. Old habits, even if they're bad ones, are hard to break. I'm just now starting to come out, and that is scary, for me at least, and that is making it seem better to just stay in the dam thing. But the loneliness is too much to bear anymore.
My wife and I always got along and we never bothered each other. Loss of sexual interest on my part couldn't be ignored. I hate living alone. It sucks to eat alone. But, some people love it and are very happy. It's just not for me, not at this point. Maybe Pete, it will better for you given your current cicumstances.
It's been an adjustment for me, but there's some positives, especially as time has gone on. This is literally the first time I've ever had my own place. Roommates, girlfriend, roommates, girlfriend/wife (lol, these are the same person over time.) Before I moved out, I was alone in our house for a few months when she went to stay with her sister. That was rough, with everything very raw and not even sure what we were going to do with the house or anything. Very emotional being there at all, and then alone, and just feeling isolated too. I had a bit of a plan in where I moved in order to combat the loneliness and isolation. Not that I haven't ever experienced these but I've found ways to mitigate that. I knew that I needed to get out of the suburbs, which has helped a lot. ive been working on getting myself more into a few communities, which has become easier since we are through all the divorce business and the worst emotional hits. Lol, man, does that all take a lot of time. as of right now, I'm a huge fan of being on my own. I don't think I'd want to outside a city, cause even with lots of people around, it can still get lonely and isolating. Oh, and yes! It is nice to do whatever you want, but that took a lot of work on my part.
I sure as hell would like to find out! Over the years of my marriage, we have lived a part a number of times due to work. I love being on my own. In fact, my problem is that I recently retired and can't stand having to share living space. I have my own bedroom and bathroom, but still I feel like I have no privacy. I would be happy living in a studio apartment for the rest of my life, if I could be on my own. I guess it just comes down to what you want. I need social interaction, but when I'm done interacting I really want my space and privacy. I guess a life of being apart so much is a big factor in my case. The times that we were together were always difficult. But, duh, I'm gay. I really couldn't have expected much, could I?
it's better to be alone and unhappy than it is to be with someone and still be unhappy. at least alone you have a better chance of making efforts to finding happiness..
I lived alone 8 years before getting married. What kept loneliness at bay was that I was involved in my community, I was a student and I had a good group of friends. I consider those years to have been formative and free. Since my separation and divorce, I have reverted to that state and I do enjoy it. I like being able to do what I want, there is no tension, no walking on egg shells, I enjoy not having to negotiate how things are to be arranged, or having to live up to someone else's expectations about how the place should be. Nevertheless, we are social creatures, there is no doubt about this, and I am no exception. I hope one day to be in a strong and loving relationship. Twenty years of living with someone does give one certain skills of accommodation...the trick is to find the right person with whom this is easy and well worth it.
This sounds familiar....I lived by myself for almost 7 years before I got married, and never felt particularly lonely. My mother died unexpectedly a few months after I moved out, and between my teenage sister and my grieving dad, I was actually glad to have a place of my own where I didn't have to deal with all their emotion. And I blocked out a lot of my own grief by being involved in many things, all of which eventually fell by the wayside to keep the peace once I got married. I never really adjusted very well to having my time micromanaged and having to walk on eggshells, as you say, to make sure that my interests and commitments didn't cause some terrible clash. It's not even like I wanted to be busy every night of the week, but I just wanted the chance to do something alone without being constantly reminded what an inconvenience it was for her. Although I will probably be moving out of the family home directly into a place with my boyfriend, his experiences with being bullied by the calendar and micromanaged by the spouse are so similar that we're both already very determined to avoid falling into those same old patterns. With the schedule of kids' activities that we will still have, it's not like we won't have plenty of commitments apart from one another, but at least we'll have the chance to breathe and do our own things without someone feeling threatened or angered by it. There will be plenty of alone time, that's for sure. But we'll be better equipped to enjoy it and then also appreciate the time together rather than take it for granted.
I been on my own for the first time in for almost a year. My ex-wife makes about 2x's what I make so it's been a big come down in status and curbing spending habits...tough but not insurmountable. I've my dog which is some comfort, but alone is alone. I love cooking, but hate the dinky kitchen, never mind missing the warming oven or a 6 burner range. Worse is eating alone. That is my bête noire. It's tough. I try to set a place for myself, but that is more an ideal than a practice. The place is too small and far too trendy for me. Should have thought more of the kids, but my daughter chose it. You'll fall into routines. I do enjoy the company of others in the house. I can't say that I have too much me time though.
