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I know I shouldn't

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by arturoenrico, Feb 25, 2015.

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  1. arturoenrico

    arturoenrico
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    I'm in the middle of falling in love with someone I know I shouldn't but I can't help myself. That's all I have to say. It's my life story.
     
    #1 arturoenrico, Feb 25, 2015
  2. greatwhale

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    Maybe you shouldn't but it's a good thing to feel love, to feel anything so intensely is something to celebrate! It almost doesn't matter if the beloved knows.
     
    #2 greatwhale, Feb 25, 2015
  3. kindy14

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    I know it sounds trite...

    the heart wants what it wants...
     
    #3 kindy14, Feb 26, 2015
  4. Wildside

    Wildside Guest

    I'm really happy for you! I've read a lot of your posts, and I think that you really deserve this. It's a great feeling, and the best possible antidote for being depressed. Enjoy it!!!
     
    #4 Wildside, Feb 26, 2015
  5. JerryX

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    Hey OP, what kind of thread is this? You didn´t tell s... I mean anything...
     
    #5 JerryX, Feb 26, 2015
  6. arturoenrico

    arturoenrico
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    He's too young (but he is an adult), too fucked up, too vulnerable, and I'm his mentor who he leans on. I'm the one person he trusts and confides to. And he is sexy and edgy and seductive and I think there's a boundary here that is getting way too fuzzy.

    And thank you to all the optimistic believers in "'Tis to have love and lost than never to have loved at all."
    I'm not sure I'm a believer.
     
    #6 arturoenrico, Feb 26, 2015
  7. biAnnika

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    Ah, Arturo, I know the feeling only too well. But we *know* that we can't control how we feel. You *know* you shouldn't...hey, I *know* I shouldn't get nervous before I give a presentation, too, right? Can I stop that? Can I control it? I can get used to it, maybe...accept it...and that makes it less traumatic, maybe. But with love, I fear you're in there for the long haul...both the ecstasy and the agony.

    I feel for you. Both happy and sympathetic. All I can say is that I've learned that the point of love is to take it in and absorb the positive energy...and when the bad bits inevitably come (assuming your head is right about this being wrong), be gentle with yourself, hold onto as much of that positive energy as you can, and take comfort from the places comfort is available until the worst subsides and the next swell begins.
     
    #7 biAnnika, Feb 27, 2015
  8. awt

    awt
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    Young men are so exquisite, and I can still never resist if propositioned by them (I'm 48) but I never consider anything developing long term because I have fallen in love/felt infatuation for adult teens twice in the past and it was agony when the inevitable 'drifting away' happened.
     
    #8 awt, Feb 27, 2015
  9. stella99

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    Thank you for that description -a boundary that is way too fuzzy. That exactly describes my situation with a colleague. Its seems to be a case of who is willing to cross it first, and now I believe its a case of when, not if.....
     
    #9 stella99, Feb 28, 2015
  10. maybgayguy

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    Tough situation for sure. It seems pretty normal but difficult nonetheless.

    The biggest negative is that you are his mentor and that is the line that shouldn't be crossed in my mind (not so much the age).
     
    #10 maybgayguy, Feb 28, 2015
  11. Wildside

    Wildside Guest

    It definitely complicates the mentor relationship. Any chance he could get a different mentor, so you could keep those roles separate? And then you wouldn't have to feel guilty about dating your "mentee."
     
    #11 Wildside, Feb 28, 2015
  12. arturoenrico

    arturoenrico
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    Really, it's a flight of fancy on my part. Yes I love him and no, I'm not going to do anything about it because it's not right in the moment. I can't pass him on; he's very attached to me and I know his family well. Anyway this young man will be starting a job soon and I'm working on keeping him busy between the job and the rehab he needs. This is just a little something else that will stay in the closet. I just needed to get my mind untwisted so I can handle dealing with him. What I really am wanting is to fall in love with someone available, willing and able. It's a fucked up pattern for me of falling for men who are not available; when I was a young man, it was always straight guys. I think that's why I gave up homosexuality and got married (to my wife) but alas it (the gayness) returns.
     
    #12 arturoenrico, Mar 1, 2015
  13. GrumpyOldLady

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    I find that it can be quite freeing to allow oneself to love deeply without expecting anything in return. Do you think you could bend it in that direction, like the love of a parent for his child? Not all love has to be romantic.
     
    #13 GrumpyOldLady, Mar 1, 2015
  14. skiff

    skiff Guest

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    Hi,

    Dragonherz... Beautiful. When you love in that fashion your love CANNOT be turned into a weapon back onto yourself. :slight_smile:
     
    #14 skiff, Mar 1, 2015
  15. arturoenrico

    arturoenrico
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    I will love him always with mixture of fatherly and romantic love. I think he knows this but I won't act on it or say anything. It's ok for me but my goal is still to find someone who I actually can love openly and who can return the love (sigh)
     
    #15 arturoenrico, Mar 1, 2015
  16. JerryX

    JerryX Guest

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    That sounds very wise and mature, since as a family man like yourself and based on what you told in this thread, that is the only option at this point. You still have the future in your hands, so being a heroic man like you, who knows what happens, especially if you have a loving and understanding family to support you.

    P.S. was it you in that avatar?
     
    #16 JerryX, Mar 2, 2015
  17. offmychest

    offmychest Guest

    falling in love is not bad. falling in love wiht someone that is off limits is not good. either wait until they get off limits or fall in love with someone that is "available". cut it off and cut if off ASAP.
     
    #17 offmychest, Mar 3, 2015
  18. arturoenrico

    arturoenrico
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    I'm the Greek discus thrower on the vase.

    ---------- Post added 3rd Mar 2015 at 05:48 PM ----------

    I've put distance between the young object of my affections and myself, which is right. But, I ache for him and I actually just mean, I miss his company. Bad luck...

    By the way, offmychest, exactly what am I supposed to "cut off"?
     
    #18 arturoenrico, Mar 3, 2015
  19. kindy14

    kindy14 Guest

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    I really feel for you. I've got my heart and gut twisted up for my ex-roommate who I was trying to help. I think you are right to set boundaries, and I would make sure your "young object" understands them.

    I'm seeing the same thing happen to a new friend of mine who rescued two kids (18 & 21) who were in a meth house. Both of his "charges" are saying they "love" him. And he's having a hard time keeping any kind of emotional or physical distance from them.
     
    #19 kindy14, Mar 4, 2015
  20. JerryX

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    Yes, I see :slight_smile:
    But I mean the one before this one, that grey haired man...
     
    #20 JerryX, Mar 7, 2015
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