I'm sorry I haven't been around much. I've been trying to get out and ride my bike more in an attempt to beat this depression. It's actually helping but it's not leaving me a lot of time for the internet. I'm thinking of going to another conversation group at the LGBT center. But I've been to them a few times over the years and every time I go in I feel like I'm an imposter and don't belong there. I talk some and usually even go out for food after with some of the women in the group but in my head I'm a mess. Last time it was so extreme I told myself that I had HOCD (even though I'm sure I don't) and didn't belong there and should never go back. Yet here I am again. It would be easy to say it's denial, but why would I be in so much denial, yet still want to go to the center? I can't figure it out. I probably should just stay away but I keep isolating myself and running away from this idea that I'm bi. I talk about it some with my therapist but she thinks my wrecked self-esteem is more important to talk about. She's probably right but I don't want to put all my sexuality issues on hold until I stop putting myself down which may be never. The groups aren't for therapy but still it might help if I can ever relax. It will cost some time and transportation money for me to go to the center, and I really don't want to do it just to have another experience like last time.
Hello WomanInAmber I came late to the party, I didn’t start to realise I was gay until my mid 40s and didn’t come out until I was 53. After years of isolation and depression I found this website and was encouraged to join my local LGBT community in Manchester and so in August last year I started to go to a support group on a weekly basis. I was initially concerned that I would be too old at 54 and would feel out of it, or isolated, or that the group would be too cliquey but nothing was further from the truth. At the group I attend all new members wear a yellow name badge on their first visit so that others in the group can easily identify them and make them feel at home and that’s what happened to me. On my second visit when I didn’t really know anyone, other than the 2 or 3 guys I’d met the week before, I made a point of talking to the new guys because we all had our newness in common. I’ve been doing that for the last 6 months and now become part of the furniture. As for my age, well I’m not the youngest in the group but also not the oldest. We have had some members in their 60s, 70s, and 80s come to the group so it’s never too late to make a start. For me the main thing was to make it part of my regular routine and so even if it’s pouring down with rain or freezing cold I still go along. I’ve read somewhere that if you do something for 6 weeks then it becomes habit forming so that was my initial goal, and I’ve attended every meeting since. I would recommend going along and giving it several weeks before deciding it’s not for you and if you try my suggestion of talking to the other new folks each week it will seem less daunting as you start to become part of the group. SGG
I suggest you go with no expectations. Drop the concerns about whether or not you're gay. Just go there and make friends. Enjoy the meals out with your friends there. Maybe develop some friendships that women with whom you can share some interests. When you talk about your own sexuality and your journey, just be open and honest about where you're at. Getting out and biking is a good way to beat the blues. So is making friends and getting out with new people.
Thank you so much for the encouragement. I'm starting to think maybe going back would be a good idea. I'm not sure I'll be able to go on a regular basis because I have to leave work an hour early to get there. (Unless I want to take a taxi or Über which is prohibitively expensive.) And I already do that sometimes for my German lesson and I don't want to try my boss's patience. But of course those are just excuses. I should still go at least once. Thank you.
Is there an LGBT cycling group near you? Maybe on Meetup? At least with this, the primary focus would be the cycling and the added bonus would be the gay people.
I wouldn't be surprised if there is one. I can't really keep up with real cyclists on rides because I'm not strong and I have a lousy bike, but that's still a good idea. I should look into it. ---------- Post added 28th Feb 2015 at 09:30 PM ---------- Actually that gave me a good idea, that I should check out Meetup, it's been a long time since I did. So thanks.
