Constantly questioning sexuality. My story. Could use help

I already made a similar post in a different section of the forum but i feel like maybe some older folk who have been through a lot more could help out.
I'm 25 years old, always identified as straight. When i was really young(elementary school) i experimented with both sexes but always had crushes on girls and continued lusting for girls through middle school. Going into high school i became very depressed due to self esteem issues/anxiety/depression and other factors. My relationship with parents and home life was pretty terrible growing up (alcoholism) Anyways, in high school i honestly don't remember crushing on any specific girls but i was extremely shy and remember feeling inadequate. When i was 17 in my senior year i had my first love and lost my virginity to her. We broke up 2 years later and i found my second girlfriend whom i dated for 2 years as well. In the middle of the second relationship i guess you can say blossom'd and got a lot of attention from the opposite sex(something i never had) so i basically took it to the head like most horny males would do. I am not exactly proud of my actions but i went on to have sexual relations with A LOT of females after this point. I know you're all probably thinking "whats the problem here?" so i'l get to it.
I started watching porn at a very young age, gonna say 9 or 10. I watched basically everything(straight,incest,shemale,solo,gay) up until i was 23 which is when all the questioning started. I woke up one morning after a night of drinking and there was a link for shemale and gay porn on my computer that for w.e reason sent me into a panic attack and i haven't been the same since. Before this point i never even considered me being gay or bisexual despite my porn use. Of course i was able to tell if a man was good looking or admire his physique but anyone who says they can't is a liar. I was also a personal trainer as well so that was a given. Every since this day my life has honestly been a living hell of constant anxiety and questioning. My confidence and demeanor changed, mind feels constantly foggy, and libido is shot. I notice when my overall well being is up the anxiety and questioning isn't as severe but that is very rare. I'm sure there is a lot i'm missing but i don't want to go on forever. Any thoughts?

 

I've watched guys masturbate as well but I cant say I've ever fantasized about a man cumming in my mouth.

 

I haven't watched gay porn since the questioning started but i have continued hetero porn and sex. Porn aside, it's like my anxiety is on full throttle from the moment i wake up to the moment i go to sleep. I have come across things like HOCD that i was skeptical about because i don't want to just diagnosis myself with something as serious as obsessive compulsive disorder BUT i have suffered with extreme anxiety my entire life. I always thought people were talking about me or out to get me. I would obsess over very minute things although i cant really say i had a compulsion.. To me HOCD and denial are so closely related anyway which causes even more questioning. I am also ashamed to say that over the past year i have become a regular at asian massage parlors. This makes me wonder if i am trying to run from my feelings by sex with strangers or if i am just an extremely lost individual.

 

I never had these thoughts prior to my panic attack 2 years ago. It came on suddenly hasn't stopped since. Id be at the gym now or anywhere for that matter and literally have to ask myself about every male that walks by. I have thoughts like "do i wanna fuck him" or "do i wanna rip his clothes off" as for seeing another man naked this is extremely uncomfortable for me but i almost feel like its even more so if its on a tv or computer screen... As for arousal , i feel something in my groin that feels like arousal but its coupled with high anxiety. This also doesn't help bc like i said i watched gay porn so seeing a man naked on tv is the same thing in that sense.

---------- Post added 3rd Mar 2015 at 08:58 AM ----------

Sorry i know noone is a trained professional here but i also wanna add that the more i think about things, its as if sex has become a mission to reach more and better. Id be super turned on by a chick but as soon as we have sex a few times im ready for the next. Same thing for porn in sense, like id search for the most authentic taboo incest i could find and then that wasnt enough so id hit shemale and have to browsers open at the same time. I ask myself even if i DID have gay sex and like it( which right now just doesnt seem like something id truly enjoy) , would it end up being the same way for me? Would that go on to not be enough? Im just talking outloud at this point

 

sorry bout that lol.. It's been a constant anxious thought from the second i wake up to the second i go to sleep for over 2 years now so confused is an understatement. I know i am the only one who can come up with an answer at this point but easier said than done. Appreciate the suggestions