so now I know, cannot come out to parents and expect acceptance

Lovely...well, you are a grown man; his acceptance may or may not be important to you, but if you do decide to come out to him, he is going to have to accept one of two possibilities:

1) accept you as you are, or,

2) accept that you will be out of his life if he rejects you for who you are

You see? Acceptance all around!

 

My father was a very strict policeman, I think that was one of the reasons I suppressed and denied (even to myself) being gay. A year before he died, he said it is okay if I were gay; I wish I had told him then; yes, I'm gay. I think he might of guessed, but didn't press the issue. I don't know what to tell you, Looking for Me. People can say cruel things, but if it were their own son, they wouldn't be of the same mind.

 

Sigh.
Wouldn't it be great to be a fucking queer.

Oh, that's probably not what he meant

Your dad does not understand. And his comment reveals only his own fears and prejudice. They do not say anything about you, or even the person he thought was queer. If the person really is, good for them. And good for you that you can see the truth. There is nothing nothing nothing to be ashamed of in being gay. I have learned that the hard way. But I am grateful. I told some friends recently and only spent about a minute explaining. The first couple of months, it would take me an hour or longer to share it. It does get easier.

I talked to my father this weekend. He is trying to understand, but still says things like "if you want you can send your son out to visit us and we can make him a real boy."
Sigh.

Peace.

 

I'm sorry that happened to you. I have family, friends (using the term "friends" very loosely) and neighbors who talk like that. It takes away every ounce of courage I start to feel. Stay strong and take care of YOU.