Hello I'm trying this for the first time today and I'm a little nervous. I'm not sure what to say or what to do I just really need some advice. I'm a 37yo female who is questioning my sexuality. I feel like it's so late in my life to be having this issue so I'm not sure if it's just a phase or the real thing. I have been straight my whole life but have always felt attracted to women but never really acted on it. I got married to a wonderful man a couple of months ago and almost immediately after I returned from my honeymoon I ended up having an affair with a woman. I don't know what to do, I'm not sure how or why it happened but it did and it has changed me. But I'm not sure if I'm lesbian, bisexual, curious or what. I just know I'm different now and I don't know what to do.
Hey Lostpassion37, welcome to EC! Some of us take longer to discover ourselves. My boyfriend knew since childhood, i discovered it when i was 19, and some people discover it at 60, or more! Well, first of all, take a deep breath and relax. Take things slow, there is no need to rush anything. Take some time to think about yourself. Do you feel attracted to women? What about men? Sexually, romantically? Do you like your husband as a friend, or do you really feel attracted to him physically? Think about this in your head, slowly, calmly. Don't worry about labels if you find them too confusing. Focus on your attractions. Hugs (*hug*)
Thank you so much I am trying to take it slowly but I have so many emotions that I don't know what to do with. A lot of those questions I have asked myself a million times but I'm not sure if it's all women or just the one I was involved with. Yes I do love my husband as a friend which is making it harder because he knows about the woman but he still wants to try and make our marriage work. I've ended things with her but I still love her, she is all I think about and it is hard for me to be intimate with my husband now.
Hi LostPassion You've come to the right place. The confusion will clear. I promise. Take a look at this old thread. It's a good primer for what you're going through. http://emptyclosets.com/forum/sexua...never-happened-before.html?highlight=happened
Thanks that thread was helpful and feels so much like what I'm going through ---------- Post added 11th Mar 2015 at 06:57 PM ---------- I'm tired of not having anybody to talk to about the way I feel. The stress of it all is killing me! On top of it being such a confusing time in my life, the person I had my experience with works with me and it has become a huge scandal on my job and I still have to see her everyday. She is only 23 and I have found out VERY immature and the whole thing is just a big mess. Even worse I can't stop thinking about her. I still love her and still want to be with her even though I really think the whole thing was just a game to her. But my whole life has changed and I feel like I don't know who I am anymore.
Welcome. I hope it helps you to open up on this site. I know this may not be comforting but I think I'm more confused at 58 than I was at 37 but I think that was because of how much I hid the truth from myself. It's better to figure this out now. I understand your situation with the younger woman very well; I've been very tempted by a young man in my life but it would be so messy and risky but I think about him all the time. Good luck.
Hello. Reading your story is a reflection of my life. I am 40 and have been so confused with my feelings about women. I have always been with men and was married to a man for 7 years....I met a women had a affair w her and feel in love w her. I divorced my husband because it wasn't fair to both of us and I wasn't happy and could no longer be intimate w him....he was a great guy. The women I was with for almost 2 years has since ended things me. It seemed like a game to her and we ended up fighting all the time. But she was the first women I was ever with and I felt and feel like she is all I have. This whole "thing" is all so new to me and so confusing to me. As hard as it is I'm glad to read your post and know I'm not alone...I'm sorry for what you are going through
I wish I could send private messages, but the forum won't let me yet. I had almost the same experience as you and I would love to talk more about it with someone. All of my feelings just welled up in me as soon as I read this. I've made the right decision at this point in my life, but I went through so much to get there because although I am with someone I am in love with, my whole life that I had lived up until this point, well, I am trying to gain some perspective on it and how it even happened. The confusion, and sexual attraction, and so forth.
Like others have said, people discover it at different stages in their life. I really only figured it out in my early 20s. As a teenager I thought my feelings toward other guys were more "bromances," and perhaps my feelings toward guys weren't as strong at that age. As I got into my 20s, my feelings began to grow stronger and I began to more in tune with my true self and what I was really feeling. Perhaps this is the stage you're entering now? It looks like you have 2 major issues to work through: your sexuality, and cheating on your husband. I'm not here to judge, but I feel you owe it to him to never cheat on him again. All you can do from here on out is remain faithful to him until you're ready to tell him you're gay if that is the case. Dragging him along through a loveless and unfaithful marriage simply isn't fair. If you need help working through questions surrounding your sexuality, we're all here to help and offer support.
Thanks so much to everyone for your comments. I haven't been on here for a while because I've been trying to figure things out. I've stopped seeing the female I was involved with but not because I wanted to because it's the best thing for my children to stay with my husband and not confuse them. If they weren't a factor I feel I would have left my husband. I'm trying to make it work with him but it's hard. I don't feel a connection with him at all and it only reminds me of how connected and alive I felt with the female I was seeing. I still have to see her at work and I miss her everyday. My husband and I are in counseling but I feel like I'm just an actress in a really bad movie that is my life. What is wrong with me? I'm married to a wonderful faithful devoted man and I have a beautiful home and wonderful children...but all I can think about is this woman...I don't know what I'm doing anymore.
I feel like it's so late in my life to be having this issue so I'm not sure if it's just a phase or the real thing., It's not unusual to experience same sex feelings at a later age. Mine started when I was a few years older than you. No reason to feel strange.
I really identify with what you're say, Lostpassion. I felt like an actor in an elaborate saga for so many years, those my quote (from Le Rouchfoucald). It is really hard to find a way to be. It does help me to talk to others who are going through similar stuff in their lives. Helps make things more clear.
I am 41 and I am confused like you. I probably had feelings for women in my 20s but never did anything about them. I am also married and my husband considers himself bisexual, closer to the gay side. He knows about my feelings and is being supportive. I wish I had great advice for you but all I can say is that you are not alone and to hang in there
It's never too late. I am close to ur age and the same has happened to me. I am Married, with two kids and question myself everyday. I love my husband, but am Not interested in sex with him, spend a lot of time searching, looking, reading and gathering information about being bi and or being lesbian. I fell in love with a girl several years ago but thought I was a one time thing. I was raised in a religious setting in a conservative part of the Midwest. My feelings I pushed off as temporary and then filled my God given role Of wife and mom. Now, approaching 40, I have learned to let go of a lot of what held me back and accept my attraction for women. I met someone else who I began a connection with. It was strong and exciting and omg it felt so good. I never felt that way with my husband. And then the guilt comes in. I shouldn't feel this way. I am Married...I shouldn't want more. But I do. I understand what you are going through. It's difficult. But there is most of support here and good people with great advice. Follow ur heart, be true to yourself. That is what matters.
