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Help. Am I unloveable?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by SamMurrai, Mar 19, 2015.

  1. SamMurrai

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Gender:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    It's been a few months since I posted on here and things have progressed somewhat but I'm still feeling a bit lost and thought I'd come back here for some help from you lovely lot. Sorry for the length, I can't seem to write short posts....
    I turn 25 very soon (is that too young to post in the Later in Life forum?!) and I'm still getting used to the new and difficult game of exclusively dating females. Everyone I care about now knows and I have a lot of support from friends and family which is great, but I still feel like a "work experience" girl trying to get her foot in the relationship door.
    I recently got over the girl who I fell for who broke my heart but kick-started my realisation that I probably should have been gay all this time . At the same time I weirdly met this mysterious and gorgeous girl by chance who I instantly felt I had chemistry with. She's originally from where I'm from so we had a lot in common already and hit it off very well. We began to text eachother everyday and she was instigating meetings and nights out where I met her other friends etc. I then found out she was pansexual when I'd assumed she was straight and got excited at the prospect of something happening. Up until this point she had been extremely friendly and I was getting hints that she was interested. So, we went clubbing one night, drank a bit too much....and she jumped on me! We were kissing passionately for a long time on the dancefloor whilst her friends were next to us, for a very long time. And it carried on, at times getting almost too sexual! We held hands all night and I ended up sleeping at hers in her bed. Nothing happened, just sleep. But I woke up feeling so happy and thinking this is exactly what I want and it confirmed to me even more that I'm doing the right thing for myself.
    Except the morning was majorly awkward....we were both hungover, and I really needed a shower. She made me a cup of tea and we talked but it was very "just friends" chat, no mention of what had happened. I desperately wanted to kiss her/take her hand whatever but.....just couldn't. I left and I felt great still but wondered what the awkwardness meant. Anyway since then she's been distant...nowhere near as friendly as before, I've asked to meetup and she's made excuses.So I haven't had chance to actually talk to her about what happened. In order to avoid the same thing happening as with the previous girl I've decided to just abandon it for now and see what happens. But it sounds like she isn't interested anymore. But why launch at me in the first place? Did I do something wrong? Was I just an "I kissed a girl" experiment to her? It's brought back all the feelings I thought I was getting rid of.
    Will I always have too much baggage for someone to want to be with me? Does that exist? I've come out a little late, I've never had a LTR, I've had sex with men but not women, I have no idea how to date women, can't read them at all (as you can see by this situation). So already it seems there's a lot that would put many girls off, yet I've got a lot of love to give but noone notices except my friends. #foreveralone? :rolle::help:
     
  2. Emily1

    Regular Member

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    Something similar happened to me, except I hooked up with/slept with this girl (still not entirely sure what that even entails) a few times. After a bit she distanced herself. It's a bad feeling but you have to remember that not every girl you sleep with you will date! You'll eventually meet the right girl who will want you just as much as you want her. Don't let these two experiences discourage you. I know easier said than done but you're definitely not alone in this.
     
  3. mapleluv

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    As someone who is also semi-newly navigating the lesbian waters- yeah, I sympathize.

    The most helpful tip I've gathered from the older-&-wiser is that you have to be direct with women, just let them know what you're thinking & ask what they're thinking. Because if you don't initiate the conversation, nobody will, & you'll both just be left confused about what the other is thinking & going crazy wondering, "What did I do, what is going on, what is this?"

    And I really don't believe it's the amount of baggage that you come with that matters, it's how you carry it. Some people get weighed down & walk through life pulled down & hunched over from the weight of a teeny tiny little purse of baggage; others of us take our massive amounts of baggage, stuff it into a giant wheeled Prada bag & carry it with style.
     
  4. SamMurrai

    Regular Member

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    :thumbsup: thanks for your help guys! Now I just need to develop the confidence to be more direct....:icon_eek: