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Need advice really bad... totally confused I've fallen in love with a girl

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by inlovewithu, Mar 21, 2015.

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  1. inlovewithu

    inlovewithu
    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Alberta
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    First of all, I'm a straight girl. I've been married for more than 16 years but my husband left me two years ago and now we're basically just getting along for the sake of the kids. I recently moved to a new place to work, and here I met this girl. She's a lesbian. We have been housemates for just just a few months now and it seems my feelings for her are getting out of control. The very first time I saw her, my heart went thumping really really fast. And so my crush with her started. She's nice but a bit cold. She doesn't talk to me that much but she has her own way of being nice and all. Sometimes we talk and interact but very limited. I tried being friendly with her but whenever we're together, I could feel that certain cold wall between us, that I sometimes think she doesn't like me or something. But the funny thing is she changes her attitude towards me every now and then. Like one day she's nice, one day she's cold. Before I noticed that she doesn't like being around me or near me like when we're seating close to each other, she would definitely move, or when in the same room or area, she just doesn't go and waits until I finish. But now she just comes and goes even in the same room, and even if she just got out of the shower and all wrapped in towel. Sometimes when I see her like this, I just look away. I feel very ashamed of myself because I am thinking and wishing that I could move up to her and kiss her and eventually make love to her. This is really driving me crazy. This is my first time to like a girl and I'm having a big problem just accepting this fact. But to make matters worst, I think I have already fallen in love with her. I don't even know if she likes me, which just hurts me just thinking about it. I feel jealous whenever she goes out, thinking she might be dating someone. Right now, I tried showing her bit by bit that I care about her but I'm afraid she's starting to back away. We have already started talking a bit more comfortably now but yesterday I saw this look in her eyes and she was looking at me intently like she wanted to say something but couldn't find the words. Then she just went out of the house eventhough I know she didn't really have any plans to go out. Then she stayed out until passed midnight, arrived drunk I think. I'm afraid she'll back away more and just thinking about it hurts me more. I feel like she's also having a hard time being around me. And I somehow I think that's she's also starting to have feelings but she's also trying to stop it. But I can feel her concern whenever she does simple things like she does some of my housework for me, or when she asks if I've already eaten or why I'm up so early. She even takes note of all the things that I like to eat, watch and what I don't like as well. i'm afraid of making the first move or to even ask if she likes me since I am totally afraid of being rejected but right now, I am more afraid of losing her... So please help me and give me some advice....
     
    #1 inlovewithu, Mar 21, 2015
  2. Really

    Really
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    I'm thinking one of the issues is that she's under the impression you're straight. If she does like you, she's probably also trying to protect herself emotionally because logically straight women aren't attracted to other women.
    I suppose if you had the type of relationship where you could ask her when and how she knew she was gay, it might signal to her that you were having these types of thoughts without having to say you're having these type of thoughts. Or at least start a conversation.
    Good luck.
     
    #2 Really, Mar 21, 2015
  3. Wildside

    Wildside Guest

    OK, well the one thing that's got me confused is that you start off by saying you're straight, then you tell a story that seems to contradict that. But your profile says "questioning," so I guess that makes sense.
    One thing that makes this complicated is that you are roommates. Even if everything just goes wonderful and you fall into each others arms, you then risk the eventual breakup, and the need for someone to move out. So I guess part of this equation is whether you are in a position to risk that. And sometimes we just risk things and deal with however things turn out.
    But as far as telling her, well why not just start out by talking with her about yourself. If you're questioning your sexuality, let her know that. Maybe you could both have a talk about that. She may or may not be interested in you (though she is definitely giving off some signals), but who could be safer to talk to about this than a woman who is openly a lesbian. If you are bi, or if you are a lesbian, she can help you figure this out (by talking about feelings). If you just absolutely can't talk to her about it, you really would benefit by making some lesbian friends who you can talk to. but she's right there, and it seems like you get along, even if there seems to be a bit of distance. the worst thing that could happen in this kind of situation is that it puts up some distance, but you're already dealing with that. well, I take that back. actually, the worst thing that could happen is that you miss discovering your soul mate because you were afraid to open up to her. good luck! (&&&)
     
    #3 Wildside, Mar 21, 2015
  4. Damien

    Damien
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    Hi,
    some time, when the opportunity presents itself, you could broach the fact that you are currently questioning your sexuality, that you are no longer sure if you are 'straight'. You don't have to tell her the object of your attraction is her; just letting her know you are questioning might be a good enough start. That's what I would try, anyway, if I were in such a situation. :slight_smile:
     
    #4 Damien, Mar 21, 2015
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