High school reunions are awful. That's just a fact. Ok, now onto my predicament: So I'm bisexual female. I'm nearly thirty and have had an equal number of male and female partners. But when I was in high school I was crazy in love with a girl and therefore called myself gay. And being the politically minded young person I was, I made gay rights my personal agenda in high school. I was often called upon to be the "gay voice" at school, started the GSA, spoke out about marriage equality and equal protection under the law, etc. Now, as I approach my high school reunion, I realize that most people I went to school with still think I'm a lesbian. A couple of years ago I married a man, and I've only told my absolute nearest and dearest friends--many of whom are gay and always knew I was probably bisexual even when I thought I was gay too. They're all understanding and just awesome. My high school pals though.... ...what scares me the most is that I did change a lot of hearts and minds back then--I lived in a very conservative religious town, and I was the sole reason a lot of kids stopped being homophobic and challenged their homophobic parents (I mean, other kids told me this--I was like everyone's "cool gay friend"). Plus, a lot of other kids came out either because I paved the way for them or because I dated them and was like the defender in the relationship (I'm still pretty much butch--that too confuses people who see me with my husband). Now, if I come out again as apparently "straight" because I have this husband-person, will these kids feel lied to and like being gay is a choice, or like all gay people are liars because I was their one "gay friend"? I understand this is exactly the kind of thing that makes the rest of the community wary of bisexuals. I own that we are often confused, conflicted people--but primarily that's because we face discrimination from our own community and from the same bigots who hate all gay and trans people. It's actually pretty hard being openly bisexual. That's one thing I've learned over the past fifteen years. Anyway--please help me find a way out of this! I don't want to threaten the movement and I also don't want to hide anything about myself. Love to all.
A lot of time has passed since you were in school. Everyone matures massively. At the same time, a lot of people have the same eye towards gays as bisexuals, so all the work you did then was certainly not for waste. Go and enjoy your reunion. Be as dynamic and edgy now as you were then and relish in everyone's reactions.
Pretty sure you could just explain it. I doubt anyone's going to feel betrayed or duped or anything like that.
I missed the 10. I went to the 20. I didn't get a good read that I was reasonably well-liked at the end of high school so, despite having matured quite a bit, both physically and in terms of confidence, it's as if time had stood still ... and this was 20 years later. I left thinking "never again," I made damn sure that I lost track of the high school and they of me, and I never looked back. My thought is that, unless you have at least 3 friends who you really want to see and who would be delighted to see you, then don't go, especially if you have to travel and spend money to go to a high school reunion. Missing the 10 was a great thing - I was living on the other side of the country and it would have cost quite a bit of money to go. ---------- Post added 24th Mar 2015 at 08:10 PM ---------- Disagree and agree. Disagree that everyone matures massively ... that's not what I saw. Agree that if the OP wants to go and be as edgy or as up front as they want to be, then the OP should go, considering how far, how much money, and if there are people they genuinely want to see at the reunion.
