That is one of my biggest fear about leaving my wife and, as she phrases it, 'go be gay'. I screwed (handjobs and blowjobs towards the end) around with a guy all through high school, but had always chalked it up to youthful experimentation, and that has been it. I will not screw around on her so experimenting is not a option, besides I cannot even go to the mail box with out a itinerary! Yes I am attracted to men- have since sixth grade. Have had pretty big crushes on guys. how I got into this mess. How does one know without a hall pass?
Do you have sex with your wife? Do yo enjoy it? Are you thinking of guys throughout to keep yourself going? Do you also have crushes on women? Have you been to therapy?
Have you discussed this with her? Not sure I understand her comment re "go be gay". What was the context?
You don't really have to have a hall pass to know; you just know. You already know, because you had these experiences in high school, and are having them again. You made a mistake, the kind which can only be fixed with a divorce; then you don't need a hall pass.
Yes we still have sex- oral on her part, once a week, she initiates. Not really. Can seem more like a chore even if I am the one who gets off. None last weekend, kind of a relief. Yes think of men. Nope never crushed on a woman the way I have men. Yes in therapy. ---------- Post added 24th Mar 2015 at 07:30 AM ---------- That is the phrase she uses. Not 100% what she means either. Just side note- when I came out to dad, he stated, among other things, that he did not think I would enjoy the "gay lifestyle". Thought to myself what did he do? See the 'Bird Cage' the other night? Does he think I will start decorating with Grecco-Roman statues of guys wrestling or wearing leather chaps?
...not that there's anything wrong with that. Your wife is simply telling you to be who you are. More to the point, it would appear that you are in the avoiding/bargaining stage which consists of second-guessing and exaggerating doubts; while possibly seeing your existing sexual relations with her (no matter how distant you are from the experience) as sufficient evidence for "reasonable doubt". There will need to be some letting go...and letting the chips fall where they will.
There is really no such thing anymore (if there ever was) as the "gay lifestyle." LGBT people live all kinds of lives, and many of those lives are practically indiscernible from those of their neighbors.
No nothing wrong with it. She usually uses the go be gay when she is pissed at me for doing something like check out a guy or when she found out I told my sister. So no it is not a go be yourself type deal. as to sex- I actually wonder if she is doing it for just that reason ---------- Post added 24th Mar 2015 at 01:44 PM ---------- Yeah I know- just the way he phrased it. A friend once described me as 'butch gay'.
"Go be gay" Yes, I am familiar with "wifespeak", I can actually hear my ex using those same words in anger...:dry:
I'm a novice at these sort of things but I'll add my two cents for what it's worth. Sounds like wife is pissed at you for deep down she senses you are not 100% there. You are so close to the situation you cant see it but she can. I will be very elusive about this because I do not want it to get out. It's my theory a very close male friend (I'm male) and I could have been partners if not for the domino effect. He was Catholic (1st domino) and basically did what he was told (2nd domino) and married a lady (3rd domino) and lived happily ever after - not. He was killed in a vehicle crash and that's when I learned all kinds of things. She was all over my ass, not literally, about details of our friendship. I just thought he had to live with that, really? Then I knew what was bothering him....since he got married to the witch, I mean her. Do something for yourself, go seek happiness.
