1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

One year ago

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by BeingEarnest, Mar 28, 2015.

  1. BeingEarnest

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 29, 2014
    Messages:
    195
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    USA
    One year ago today, I gathered up the courage to tell someone what I was most afraid to say out loud, that I 'think I am gay.' I said think, because that was all I had done, having never acted on a desire, and so afraid of even the possibility.

    I don't know why I spoke up. Deep down, I felt so alone , afraid and ashamed. I didn't want to hold it in. It was tearing me apart. The person was compassionate and understanding. And afterwards, I did not feel alone.i made a decision to tell my wife. At the time I only wanted to be able to face this part of myself. I hoped and believed we would be able to stay together. I could not have imagined how much my life could change in one year. If I knew, I probably would have held it in. And I think it would have destroyed me from the inside, as it was already doing.

    I cannot go back and change it. And I do not want to. But it is hard. And there is so much grief. But there are also signs of new life emerging. And every time I look back, it is clear that a door has closed behind me. And so it held to look forward. I still cannot imagine what my life will look like. Or even what I will be like. Who will I be if I am finally free to be me?
     
  2. OnTheHighway

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 9, 2014
    Messages:
    3,934
    Likes Received:
    632
    Location:
    Florida
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Like a race horse with side blinders on, you can only look forward. Race ahead! Good luck!
     
  3. looking for me

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2014
    Messages:
    3,791
    Likes Received:
    869
    Location:
    on the Rock, Newfoundland and Labrador
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone


    Aww(*hug*) i love the last sentence, lets find out.
     
  4. MisterTinkles

    Joined:
    Sep 27, 2014
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    The World is My Chewtoy
    You are always free to be you.

    You allow others to dictate your life, when they actually have no authority to do so.

    They don't allow YOU to dictate THEIR lives, do they? Why would you let them dictate YOUR life?

    I tell them what they can go do to themselves, which is probably what they do anyway, so it wouldn't be anything new to them.

    When you allow others to dictate your life, you give them power over you......power which they have no right to have.

    Remove that power and take it as your own, which is where it belongs.
     
  5. arturoenrico

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2012
    Messages:
    479
    Likes Received:
    9
    Location:
    New York
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I am glad that coming out has helped you feel more authentic, etc. It's good for me to know that and see it in other people because I haven't yet begun to feel hopeful about the benefits of "coming out" and breaking up my marriage and family; I also can't imagine that I could go back now but I actually wish I could. I identify with the grief you mention. It's hard to be mostly alone after never being alone. Still working on that last question you pose, "who will I be..."