It's weird even thinking about dating, years after being a teenager. I think the biggest thing that I'm worried about is whether another man is gay/bi or straight. I've had lots of crushes on men who (I think) are straight, or at least not willing to be honest about themselves. And when that happens, it can be crushing when they turn away from me. Maybe that's just a part of dating. I mean, even if I were straight, there wouldn't be any guarantees about the other person's feelings. But I'm hopeful. Going to a gay bar or event really doesn't sound like me. But I'm hopeful.
I don't know your backstory, but one of the advantages of being out is that you can approach somebody specifically about dating. You might not feel comfortable saying "Are you gay or bi?" But you can start fishing around by saying things like "I've been looking for a guy to date, but haven't had much luck yet." Lex
I agree that not being out is definitely part of the problem. I also think that fear of rejection is part of the problem. And I bet it's common, for anybody really. Maybe it's tougher in a same-sex situation, since the odds (and sometimes hostility) are just plain against you, but I know I have the same hang-up with women, too. But I am reminding myself that the possibility (probability?) of rejection isn't, and can't, be a reason to just give up on a romantic and sexual life. It's just a hurdle to jump over. At least that's what I'm telling myself!
Hi there! The fear of rejection is certainly is a part of it. Opening up to someone, asking them whether they would like to go on a date with you, you are putting yourself out there. You are making yourself vulnerable. There are no guarantees. It can take a while before you feel comfortable enough with yourself to say: this is me, and I am willing to be vulnerable. And that's okay. Maybe one way to approach it would be to join a gay men social/coffee group or support group (if you haven't tried yet). In some ways, they would provide you with a safe venue where you can talk about the day to day things but also get to know others; making things a little easier.
Have you considered not go to a gay bar to find somone to date, but instead to go fo a drink, relax, and maybe make a friend? No need to pressure yourself at a bar to find someone special, but instead just get used to the environment and maybe talk with some guys just to have a conversation or meet a friend?
