So. How do you make the difference. To me being in love has the marks of birds singing in the trees loss of appetite or wistful sighs when looking at the other person. Loving someone is much deeper and can grow. But. Can you grow to love someone that you've not been in love with? I'm getting confused with my feelings just now. I care about my bf but don't think I'm in love with him. "He" on the other hand I am most definitively still in love with. And he's told me he still feels the same way. I hate feintime this. Torn between a lovely guy who I do enjoy spending time with but can't seem to find the fire inside to ignite me and who despite his loveliness I'm not sure I could see me doe it the rest of my life with. And "Him" who I could. He told me the other day when he gave me some things in the office I said thanks and winked at him when I did it. He told me his heart went beating mad when I did it. it's over a year since and I were anything. How long does being in love last?! Why haven't I got over him yet? Sorry. Some of you guys will think me a total pain with this sort of problem.
Hi Highlander, I'm in the same boat. The guy I'm seeing now is great in every way, but I'm not in love with him and can't see it ever happening. It's been almost a year since I lost my ex, but I can't stop thinking about him and would go back to him in a heartbeat (even though there are all kinds of good reasons not to). I think perhaps the reason my sense of loss is so strong is that he was my first. It's possible that my emotional attachment to him is not so much about him as a person as it is about the feelings that my first love generated in me. I want to repeat the experience, but others have told me it is not possible (and that I will never love that way again). I'm gradually coming to accept that (partially from a sense of self-preservation — I simply can't afford the debilitating periods of time when I think of nothing but my ex.) I'm still not willing to "settle," but at least I'm becoming a little calmer and more rational about my current and future relationships. In the end, I think only time will ease the pain.
that's why i have mostly stayed away from dating and sex for sometime now..i still haven't come to terms with having relationship/sex with someone i am not in love with..guess i need to grow up and accept life on life terms and make the most about the opportunities but sadly deep down i am idealist..having stayed away from all of it i have started to get more comfortable with my situation and thus feel less of a need to go and find someone either for sex or relationship.. not sure if its a good or a bad way of living life..
well people don't typically just fall in love on the spot overnight.. at least not for me. i knew my best friend for almost 10 years, and while i cared and loved him (in some way). it wasn't until recently that i've actually discovered i am in love with him. so to me, love is something that can build over time, kind of like trust..
Being in love has an element of passion and impulsiveness; it may be more triggered my sexual attraction since it can happen before you even know someone well. This is an issue I've struggled with as I love my wife, from whom I'm separated, but I'm not in love with her. Who am I in love with? A young man in my community who is off limits to me for ten thousand reasons.
I love my kids, and my ex wife, etc. I am in love with my boyfriend whom I look at whenever we are together and know we should spend the rest of our lives together (so long as I so not mess it up with my frequent need to be "independent" on a regular basis {see prior recent thread on single relationships for an explanation on that one :bang:})
