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hiding your sexuality at work...

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by user199, Apr 4, 2015.

  1. user199

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    Have seen quite a few people here mention that they are not out at work.. i have to hide my sexuality at work and i am not in a position to change jobs at least for sometime..Don't know anyone in my organization who is out as gay at work and my colleagues are pretty homophobic..how do you people manage situation like this..I have been thinking of going to LGBT events/meetup but the fear of been outed at work stops me..in this era of facebook/meetup where folks post everything online including pictures and videos i feel uncomfortable putting myself out there..normally i go out and hang out among people in the non gay scene world..but i guess i am still trying to figure out how to surround myself more with the GLBT community.
    any suggestions?
     
  2. Texkrypto

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    I'm in the same boat. I am bi and surrounded by very homophobic coworkers. It's tough. I wish I could help you with some wise advice but I can't help myself either.
     
  3. Pete1970

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    My work is pretty homophobic as well. But that isn't going to stop me from going to events or hanging out with people. If someone sees something I guess I will deal with that when the time comes. Eventually people will find out anyway
     
  4. Yossarian

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    You can have friends who are gay and do things with them without it being a "big deal" any more. I do this all the time. I frequently post support things on social media for marriage equality and equal treatment of ALL people. I also have friends I do things with who are not as gay friendly as others, so I limit my contact with them to situations where my friends who are gay don't have to come in contact with them, not because it embarrasses ME, but because I don't want my gay friends to be put into situations they are uncomfortable with. There are situations which arise where we might all meet together, and my straight friends seem to understand that they had better keep their mouths shut about making any homophobic comments or they would get pounced upon by me, either negatively or by me making them feel foolish with some comedic ridiculing comment about what they are saying; I am pretty good at that. In any event, it all seems to work out, and we all just get along. I suspect your work environment would work out the same way; people would just back down with the homophobic comments if the knew someone gay was around to hear them. If they get TOO snarky, it may be interpreted as workplace harassment; most people realize that that kind of thing can get you fired these days and that the company can get sued for allowing the work environment to become hostile, even though they CAN fire people at will for no cause in Florida, including being gay, in certain types of small businesses.
     
  5. arturoenrico

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    I'm not out at work but could be; I work in a school and my principal is a Lesbian and is out. This is a subject that I discussed in a group recently as well. To me, it's a privacy issue. I don't live near where I work. No one knows where I go and it would be near impossible to run into anyone. So I don't want to be out at work because I'm private and I don't want to deal with people's possible rogue reactions, especially the kids I work with. I know it's one of the gay 10 commandants to "be out" and "proud" to advance the political/social agenda that benefits all of us, but personally, it's not what I want now. Some people know I'm separated from my wife; no one has ever asked why.
     
  6. OnTheHighway

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    When I came out to myself, one of the considerations I made was taking into account of my career. I decided being open about whom I was was more important, and took a risk by coming out to everyone at my company. Fortunately for me, it turned out ok. That said, it could have equally been the opposite. You need to wiegh the pros and cons for yourself, and which every way you decide, just stick with it.
     
  7. greatwhale

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    I'm not out at work, principally because, in the absence of a spouse or common-law partner, there is no need to. Once that happens, then they'll know and I'm OK with that.
     
  8. Michael

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    I'm not out, I can't afford right now to lose this job.

    I felt tempted to ask them to call me Micky, at the end I decided that even such a little thing could be suspicious, 'cause it has nothing to do with the name on my ID.

    Anyways I think the way I look, act and speak is suspicious enough anyways, but there is no turning back for me. I can't and won't make any effort to change my ways to fit in.
     
  9. looking for me

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    im not out at work either, just came out to son and parents. there are a lot of homophobes at work but mostly it isnt any of their business. if they find out im dating a guy, ok if they find out im dating a lady, ok. :icon_wink
     
  10. CyclingFan

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    I'm not out at work for about the same reasons as greatwhale. I was married to a woman when I started and if I have someone in my life and it comes up, that's fune but I don't want to make an announcement.

    I did recently go through some interviews (more tomorrow) and I fid ask if they were an lgbt friendly company in the first phone screen. I'm ok with my job currently so I guess I'm ok with them knowing.
     
  11. Electra

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    Hi User199
    I guess as people have said it is in the end up to you and what you feel comfortable whether you are out with work colleagues. In one way its none of their business and may be if you are a private kind of person then why should tell others about your sexuality unless they need to know?
    I sense that may be because you asked the question that you would like to be out with work mates?. It is tricky for me to advise you as I live in the UK and my job and background and circles I move in mean that not a single person I have met appears to have any problem at all with me being open about my sexuality. I don't talk about it all the time at work but I also don't hide and if it comes up in conversation thats cool.
    I am lucky I know - especially as I know from reading other posts on EC it isn't always like that.
    BUT I also know that having only been 'out' for 4 years that before I told everyone (when I still had the same kind of job, had the same background and moved in the same circles) that I UTTERLY FEARED coming out to work colleagues. I assumed all sorts of bigotted responses or subtle distancing or under-hand 'judgments' - let only out-right homophobic comments. In reality those I thought would give the worse response (older more conservative colleagues) just shrugged, said "each to their own" and just carried on relating to me and working with me as if nothing had changed. Which of course in many ways it hadn't.
    So I guess all I am saying is - is your concern about coming out at work based on what might really happen? Even if one or two people did re-act badly is the opportunity and relief to be your true authentic self in all areas of your life worth that reaction? I don't know where you work and may be it is still different/harder in some parts of the USA?
    Good luck whatever you decide..
     
  12. skiff

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    Hi,

    First, I do not date (lack of datable guys), I have kids which maked it a complicated talk, and work is not the place to discuss sexuality. I also do not have staights chatting sexuality to me.

    When the periodic guy verbally drools over a woman I laugh and make a joke of it as I do not verbally drool over men. Just immature behaviour.

    I see no reason to discuss my sexuality until I am in a committed relationship and then introducing my bf is sufficient.
     
  13. chocolate dream

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    Im a really private person and im quite shy so im not out at work.But most people suspect/know anyway as i was in a serious relationship when i started working there.Id always talk of my then gf as my mate but people arent stupid!
    Theres been a few gay people at work but it is quite homophobic as well.
     
  14. banana1

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    I'm not out at work either...
    and I am not planing on coming out... I am a very private person, I do what I get payed for and leave :wink:
     
  15. chocolate dream

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    Exactly! :thumbsup:
     
  16. Given To Fly

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    I'm out to some people at work, but by no means is it 'public'. I have homophobic colleagues but they're not part of my circle of friends who I'll sit with during breaks, so screw em. But generally, I'll answer if I'm asked, or if it comes up in conversation. I'm rambling as usual lol.
     
  17. candyjiru

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    I'm not out at work... but I'm also not entirely out on facebook... I make sure that if I post about lgbt things it's in a privated post (I made mine "close friends") and I also mention that it's private so those friends know not to mention it on my wall. I also don't friend people from work on facebook unless I actually know them well irl. I just tell them, "I'm sorry, but my facebook is for my family/ private life." At work I don't mention it, and if people say homophobic things, I say, "I don't feel that way" or "that's considered to be rude by a lot of people," or just bear it. I can't lose my job because I support my family, so this is the way I need to handle things.

    Good luck with it and try not to be too stressed about it. T.T
     
  18. Rapha Lover

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    In my work would be tough! I work in a place where even the air is homophobic. It's a bunch of people who think is better that another and the guys there think are ''alphas males'' and make a lot of homophobic jokes. It's awaful. About facebook, only person I have that work with me is my college friend, the rest no!

    I really worried about my family because they don't know about my sexuality! I don't care what world think about me, since that my family (my father, my mother and my aunt) still in my side after coming out.

    :grin:
     
    #18 Rapha Lover, Apr 6, 2015
    Last edited: Apr 6, 2015
  19. happyhamster144

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    I am not out either and at the moment do not feel the need to be that may change if in a longer term relationship where it is more difficult not to talk about her. On saying that would answer if asked.
    My department got a new chief last year and his approach to work is everyone is valued for there ability to do their job and the contributions they make and working in that environment my sexuality just does not need to be discussed.
    The only thing that should matter at work is your ability to do your job.
     
  20. piano71

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    I'm not out at work.

    Seems I never encounter any openly gay guys in my line of work.

    And also, my boss is from a part of the world (southwestern Asia) and religion (Islam) that looks down upon gays. While he has since migrated to a Western country, and doesn't sympathize with Islamic extremists, I'm still reluctant for him to know about me.

    Being 'outed' to a co-worker set in motion a series of events that nearly cost me my job two years ago. I don't think I could ever be out at work unless my boss + a majority of my team are gay.