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I am so glad I made it here (and a story).

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Masnar, Apr 6, 2015.

  1. Masnar

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    When I searched for 'gay online community' on DuckDuckGo; this was the third item listed, I am so glad this community is here...

    Thinking about my life, there was never any question that I liked the opposite sex, wanted to have sex with women and do the whole family and children thing. I was brought up Roman Catholic, did the bare minimums to get through it and never thought about because I was always my own person.

    I did not expect to be thrown for a loop when my best friend when I was 12 asked to blow him. But, I was thrown for a loop (and I remember to this day when I first saw his large penis) of how much I enjoyed it. Even though he never sucked me with the enthusiasm I had for him. I never expected that after I ended my relationship with my college girlfriend (who had been dating me and my best for a year at the same time) that I would have urges to be with a man as well as a woman. Or that I would enjoy hooking with an old GF/FB who would slip a dildo in my butt and it would make me so hard. Or trying to hookup with a friend or a random during a dry spell with women.

    A few years later I found the woman of my dreams: sexy, smart and caring. We later married. I used to get porn mailing sometimes, and I would be confused why I would look at the hard cocks, or even suck on my wife's realistic dildo and mention my junior high school best friend's name.

    But years of marriage and eventually kids take their toll. So a few years ago I decided to explore, mostly through Yahoo Group my attraction to men as a BiMWM. I chatted with people and never cheated.

    Sometimes love takes a turn, and even though my wife and I love each no less than when we first met, she asked to end the marriage part of our relationship.

    So, I decided to admit and fully accept and explore who I am. But being middle aged throws a whole wrench into. I feel like that newness like a teenager and I certainly want to be reckless as one, but I know better.

    If I had done this when I was 20 or 25 this would have been so much easier. But I can't change that.

    I am thankful that there is a community liek this available because I really do feel alone.
     
  2. OnTheHighway

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    Welcome to the journey! There are people here with a lot of experience that can help you down follow the road.

    Having just gone throug it over the past few years in my 40's as you are now, I am not sure it would have been easier in my 20's. I actually think my immaturity then and higher tolerance for risk would have completely altered my life most likely in a negative way.

    I look back and do not regret the timing of my coming out. I am happier than I have ever been, I am leading my life as a gay man to the fullest, my family will be ok in their own right.

    Look at the future rather than past. You have the rest of your life ahead of you!
     
  3. Masnar

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    Thank you On!

    Your response has a lot meaning to me. I have sometimes thought that if I'd come out earlier that I may have been way less risk adverse than now.
     
  4. kindy14

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    Hey, welcome to the forum, I found this site when I was coming out and it has helped immensely.

    I keep joking that if we had social media apps (and phones to run them on,) when I was in high school I would have been such a slut. And probably would have contracted AIDs in the 80's.

    Coulda, woulda, shoulda...

    I had my first experiences with guys when I was 11/12 as well. The memories are distant, but I remember getting naked with my best friend at the time. Then we moved two towns over and I became an introverted wall flower.

    While the attention I'm getting now from guys is fabulous, there are just to many guys out there that just want sex. I tweaked my profile on a hookup app this past weekend (with the Final Four here in town,) I was hit on by 39 guys. 39 guys, from 18 to 40 something, all wanted me. Yeah, if I were younger I'd be much more inclined to hookup on a more regular basis. As it is, what I want is someone to be friends first, benefits later, and preferably on a continuing basis.

    Just know that you control your body, who you date, and how you put out. You don't like something don't do it. You get a bad vibe from someone, don't go out with them. Otherwise be yourself and have some safe fun...