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Melancholy

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by dutchwaffles, Apr 7, 2015.

  1. dutchwaffles

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    One year ago, I was thinking that being in the closet was the worse thing for my life. I was not honest to myself and to my wife as well. After many therapy sessions, I convinced myself that I will be happier if I came out to my wife, if we decide to be separate and live our own lives as we deserve. My psychologist was telling me that there will be someone special who can make me happy as I wish. It was all about leaving my comfort zone.

    Now, I am where I wanted to be. I came out to my wife, live my own life, but the taste is not what I expected or guessed.

    I only skip the important concern of my life during the day by getting myself busy with work, and when I come home, I start to listen to the silence for a long time until I recognize that I am lonely and start to question on how long I will continue with this loneliness. I am 32, which I suppose is an early age to be anxious about my older ages.

    It seems more linked to my psychology than my sexual orientation, or one mutually feeds the other one.

    I try to fill out my time with tasks, works, lists of things to do, short term goals, long term goals... But it is hard to predict every and each second of your life because there is always an hour or two where you find yourself taskless until you go to bed. Going to bed seems to be the only option, but I prefer not to do it because it is 9 pm, an early hour to go to bed.

    I don't know what to do now. I try to meet with people and know them, get into their lives as much as they allow me to do, and at the same time, try to let them get into my life. However, my inner voice always finds something to stop me to go further: "don't text, because you will hope to get an instant reply back. Don't invite them, because either they will reject and you will start to regret, or you will look needy". This inner voice is the side effect of all heart breaks for the last 10 years. Why is being just a friend with someone so difficult now?

    I miss my wife, I miss where there was someone at home when you are back. But I know that there is nothing to do over there anymore: "you cannot get into the same river twice". I program myself to get used to this feeling of loneliness...

    Is there a hope? Or do you think that "hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torment of man?"

    What should I do?
     
  2. MOGUY

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Missouri
    Dutch, I feel for you, buddy. I'm no counselor but I would recommend volunteering somewhere. There is no shortage of opportunities to offer your services. You'll feel good about your contributing and perhaps be surrounded by caring people. May God bless you in your journey.
     
  3. OnTheHighway

    Full Member

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    3,934
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    Location:
    Florida
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    It's been only a year since you began your journey. Your still early days, and what your going through is similar to what I, and I suspect, many others have experienced. There is probably still more you need to learn about yourself and your place in the world. At 32, you have plenty of time.

    As mogul suggests, get involved in outside pursuits. Consider charitable organisations, a community Center, social groups, sport leagues, or other ways to meet other LGBT. The more you interact with others, the more you will grow and develop.

    I am into my third year after having come out to myself. There were many days of doubt, anxiety and loneliness early on. Today, I am well on my way; but even though I have built a social network, have found a great guy to be with, and from the outside seem like everything is going well, I still experience some of the feelings you described on occasion. Albeit, they occur farther and farther apart.

    Learn about yourself, learn about the LGBT community, get active, and have patience. It will take time.