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Coming out later in life?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Hengrove22, Apr 8, 2015.

  1. Hengrove22

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Gender:
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    Hey guys, just a little thread, more for peoples thoughts and experiences than a direct question.

    Im a 25 year old guy and pretty sure I have been gay since 19 (even though I did fall in love with a girl at 19), however I have some difficult family circumstances which really make it difficult to come out and my family and friends are so interlinked (we live in a very small farming community), that coming out purely to friends would risk my parents finding out from someone else (which I think would be awful).

    So back story, my parents are divorced. My mother has quite severe bi polar and borderline learning difficulties, lives with my grand parents (they are 92, amazing eh?) who look after her. She is very religious and adamantly homophobic. My father, is rather small minded and from a farming family, so also religious and homophobic again. I live with my father normally (due to my mothers illness). When I was 21 I decided to tell my father that I thought i was gay, i decided that being the person who raised me, he should know first. Well, it went horrifically, the worst decision of my entire life. He wasn't angry, more disappointed, beg me not to tell anyone else (esp my family) and to move away if I wanted to "live like that". After a few months of not talking, I was miserable, attempted suicide and in the end, told my father I had been confused and was not gay.

    However, recently, I actually found a secret phone at my fathers house, and it turns out that he has been having sexual relations with men. Obviously his homophobia was internalised homophobia. Oh well. Im wondering if he was always a closet homosexual and if he ever loved my mother.

    But back to me, Im now a doctor, very busy with work and tbh, too busy for a relationship. Whilst I'm closeted, Im using this time productively, working really hard in work (bloody NHS!) and trying to further my career :slight_smile: I think I will be happy to do this for the next 5 years at least. Which will probably bring me to 30 ish?

    Just wondering if its any better when you're older? Less of the young judgemental pricks to judge you? Less people looking purely for sex?

    As a caveat to this, I have no interest in sex (I've been on high dose antidepressants for about 6 years and the sex drive disappeared a long time ago!), I also have no interest in marriage or kids, so I would purely be after a relationship (could be long distance, not too fussy) with a guy who was caring, not a complete sex maniac and ok with my family circumstance.

    Probably too much to ask. Who knows? Im not really one for internet dating or the apps, I'm not a looker and rather overweight, so it is definitely my personality that needs to shine through!! :grin:

    Thank you guys.
     
  2. skiff

    skiff Guest

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Peabody, MA - USA
    Gender:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Hi,

    You are a doctor with a career at age 25? Amazing.