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Telling kids: divorce, sexuality, new boyfriend

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Basil, Apr 13, 2015.

  1. Basil

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Deep South
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
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    I'm gay. Married to my wife a dozen years. 3 kids age 4-10. My wife and I had a successful open relationship for many years and have now decided to divorce, in part because I've found a very special guy. We need to roll this out to our kids.

    Things are very amicable and my wife and I will continue living together for the forseeable future. My wife and kids all know the new guy and like him quite a bit. Kids just know him as a family friend.

    Any tips on telling kids
    - mom and dad getting divorced
    - mom and dad still living together
    - dad is dating a guy.

    We live in a conservative area, but our circle of friends and the kids school will be accepting.
     
  2. BonnieJ2604

    Regular Member

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    Sadly, the children may struggle with you both going through the divorce and still living together because it unusual (at least in Australia, where I live). I believe that I would seek counselling if the children are seeming to struggle with such a drastic change.

    You and your wife are not having your average divorce and she seems to be a pretty cool woman because I don't know many wives that would be so accepting and still live with you so I believe that you should sit everyone down together and explain the situation. You are lucky that your children are so young so any sort of homophobia should not have been imposed on them. The only drastic change they will see dependant on how affectionate you and your wife were is too see you both not hugging/kissing etc.

    I wish you and your family the best of luck for the future
    -Bonnie<3
     
  3. Basil

    Regular Member

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    well, the sort of affection they're used to seeing (excepting the occasional french kiss that they hate) shouldnt change much.

    Yeah, she rocks.
     
  4. Wildside

    Wildside Guest

    you've got a great wife. that will make it all easier. kids generally understand things at the level they are able to understand it, so no matter how you tell them, a five year old will understand it at one level, an 18 year old at a different level. they're biggest concern, like it is for all of us, is how it will affect them, and if it is because of something bad that they did. reassuring them of your continued love, minimizing the disruption in their life, and getting them counseling if necessary if they blame themselves should be a great help. but the biggest factor is the positive relationship that you and your wife have. often, their is so much hatred and bitterness, and that is what makes it hard on the kids. :goodluck:
     
  5. Foz

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    Damn, I'm sorry to hear this :frowning2: I don't really have any experience, I just sorta posted to express my sympathy. But I'm guessing your wife knows? If so she's fantastic, I would perhaps try telling your kids that you're getting divorced because you're gay but will still be living in the same house. I would leave saying you've found a guy for a few weeks to just let them try and process that before bringing someone new into their lives, I think you'll have the hardest time with your eldest as the younger ones probably aren't old enough to understand life quite in that way yet. But the important thing is you and your wife will still be there for your kids as losing one parental figure is the hardest part of a divorce for kids.