I'm happy to say that I'm starting to feel a little better about me and about who I am. :icon_bigg I can't remember who wrote it somewhere on here, but I have actually been practicing saying, "I'm gay," and "I like being gay" aloud to myself at home. It feels good to say it out loud, without anyone judging me. And if I feel like I'm being judged, I can be confident that it's only myself. I'm even starting to seriously think to myself, if I am going to come out, or even when I come out, who will I come out to? My family? friends? co-workers? and if so, which ones? Now I'm not going to say that I'm out of the woods, that I am completely 100% comfortable with myself. But I am just starting to like myself, to not want to hurt or change myself, for the first time in almost as long as I can remember. It's a great feeling. :icon_bigg
baby steps, baby steps.. you don't have to tell anyone until you really feel ready, and even then, you can only tell those close to you. personally, i like to keep my life private, so i pick and choose to tell only those that are close to me and consider important in my life.
glad you're feeling better, and congratulations, you've already come out to somebody: yourself! and that's the hardest one of all. it takes some people their whole life. as far as who next, make it easy on yourself and pick someone who you know will be loving and supportive -- and safe. sometimes that's a friend or family member, or sometimes it's a doctor or someone in a support group.
Great to hear you've been doing affirmations about yourself. That's a stepping stone to fully loving and accepting that part of you that you've been hiding from yourself. Trying to gain acceptance from others won't work if you haven't already done that to yourself. So start from within and you'll be amazed that others will gradually see the real you, out and free without fear of judgement. It's a slow process though, but take your time until you're fully ready.
I started to say "I'm gay" when I am in the car and my mind starts to wander in a negative direction. I also say it when I'm looking in the mirror, it's so strange to see my face saying it, but it's somehow helpful.
The first time I did that I laughed. Both cause it seemed silly to do and true too and just a weird relief and then thinking about all the implications.
The real revelation is the first time you hear someone say something stupid and negative about gay people and realize, hey, those assholes aren't talking in the abstract about somebody else, they are talking about ME, even if they aren't talking TO me. Talking about what is "wrong" with me, how *I* should be killed, or beat up, or just fired from my job, or not allowed to marry, or thrown out of the military, or spit on or bullied. When you look in the mirror and say "I am gay", it moves every nasty inconsiderate thing from the third person plural to the first person singular, and that is when you know that you have to take it personally and stand up for what is right, even if it eventually outs you in the process.