OK. I think I mentally put boundaries for myself to complicate any possible relationship with a guy. From one side, I convince myself that I should find a partner from a natural encounter, not from an online app or in a gay bar. From the other side, I also try to convince myself that my priority is the friendship because I am new in this town and relationship might come later. In other words, I logically try to create a supportive surrounding with friends so that I would not feel lonely. However, I also internally know that there is a high chance that I can have feelings to straight guys whom I categorize as friends, because this is the story of my life! So, I met with this guy during one of the meetups. Even from this only moment, I felt a connection with him. It is hard to describe, but I can say that it was a kind of instinct that I considered him like me. We exchanged our phone numbers, and have met for once last week for a dinner. Since that dinner, text messaging became the general means for our communication. The other thing is he is very religious and dedicatedly serves within a church community. During that time, I was telling to myself that it is still a friendship, and better that way in order to not have any drama, but to enjoy life and spend quality time with. Until I, as usual, was friend-zoned, or "the phrase of the friendship" was somehow underlined by this person. Even though I have cognitively tried to prepare myself, I still felt sad. I do not know what I am doing wrong. I think I am self-sabotaging myself: which was also diagnosed by my therapist one year ago! You can pick this from my rules to myself, and at the same time, from the choice of the person to whom I feel connected! I just wanted to share this, and would be happy to see your comments.
Can totally relate! The person I fell for, who made me question my sexuality, became a game of -- well, we're girls, so friends could do this. And then when it become overtly flirty, I still played that game. And when nothing physical was moving forward even through the flirtation, I played the, let's do this slow and be friends first, game. I denied the feelings to myself--granted I wasn't sure what they were exactly at first--even though I felt completely drawn to her from the moment I started speaking to her, and kept trying to play it cool for months. It was torturous, I wound up barfing my feelings to her, and now we're nothing, and I'm left here with my head spinning (like it was through the entire thing anyway). So, friend-zoning is not a zone in which one should be. If you have feelings for this person and they're not being reciprocated, don't make it a Nicholas Sparks novel type of love build-up for yourself, and if you do, just remember THAT SH*T NEVER HAPPENS. EVER.
I think you are right. I try to stop myself from initiating any communication with him now. I feel like I will again find myself at the same spot if I start to talk with him. I think it is not feasible to become friends as long as I do not have a real relationship with someone.
Can only guess at things, but because he is very religious he may be struggling with coming to terms with been gay and may not want anything more than a close friendship with somebody who is gay at the moment. Alternatively he might have been hurt quite badly in a previous relationship and is a bit scared to get involved again.
