hi everyone. This is my first post, and I really need advice. I have always been attracted to women, but pushed it aside always, including during my 13 year marriage. Every once in a while I would wonder if I was actually gay, but I would tell myself that I hadn't been attracted to an actual real woman, just to the idea, so I just pushed it away and went on being a wife and mother. However, last fall I met a woman and was instantly attracted to her. Inside my head I almost immediately accepted that I was a lesbian, though I still haven't told anyone. I've had a huge crush on her for months and months. I did read the old thread "this has never happened", and it was really helpful to know others had the same up and down and intense feelings. Over the months there have been several signs that she feels or has felt the same way, but who knows if I have misinterpreted. My heart hurts at the thought of several missed opportunities, and just by the depth of feelings I have developed. Should I or shouldn't I tell her how I feel? There is so much to lose-- her friendship is important to me and I'd be so sad to lose it. I know that I would feel crushed to be rejected, and I am afraid of the intensity of that sadness. I have intense heartache right now (very recent missed opportunities) but I imagine it could be worse. Also we work together, which requires a lot of collaborating. And I don't know if she has attraction to women.. She has recently been divorced. I will probably write another post about my husband, but I don't want this to be super long and I really need advice on talking to my friend. ( but for brief context, we have been having difficulties for a long time, and I am going to tell him soon about my sexuality). Thank you so much for any advice. Is it worth it to tell her? If so how?
Hi, Adeleine! Welcome to EC. I think if you really want to know the answer, you should tell her. Find the right time or place, it's really up to you. If she really is your friend, she will still be around whether the feeling is mutual or not. Don't be afraid of rejection, it's just normal and you'll be able to get through it. But don't dwell too much on rejection because you haven't told her yet. Things could turn out for the better, who knows. So just be positive and confident but don't expect too much. Trust that no matter what happens, it's really for your own good.
Welcome! I have more questions to think about than advice, but I would say tread lightly. If she isn't interested, there is a real possibility that she will end up moving away from your friendship. If she is interested, what would you want the outcome to be? Is that outcome possible? Is your husband aware of the issue?
