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More than 1.5 years out and still having a very hard time with having come out

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by flibbertigibbit, Apr 20, 2015.

  1. flibbertigibbit

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Boulder, CO
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    So, I came out with a "splash" in October 2013, at the time I was 36, I'm now almost 38. I came out feeling sure that I liked girls but initially identified as bi until I realized that I have zero interest in men. I was married for almost 10 years, and he's still a friend. I'm not one of those people who "always knew" but I see everything in retrospect that it should have been obvious to me.
    When I came out, I had not dated any girls, but had fallen for a girl that I flirted with/kissed. I dated a girl for about 6 weeks when I first came out, who ended it because she was "not into girls right now" (she is bi). Dated another girl, who wasn't out and really wasn't ready to be, and it didn't work. Only got up to kissing with both of them. Fell head over heels for another girl who rejected me.
    Suffice to say, I'm still a lady-virgin.
    I am just feeling so alone, and awkward. I don't know how to fit in as a lesbian, even though I have many gay friends and am active in the queer and trans community. I feel like this obnoxious baby lez who everyone thinks is a joke. And it seems that being a "virgin" is a huge obstacle. It's like you can't get a job until you have experience, but how do you get experience if you can't get a job?
    I should also mention that I am fat (using fat as a descriptor, not as an insult--size 24/26) which also is an obstacle. But I am cute, stylish, active, and take care of myself.

    I've gotten to the point that I'm regretting having come out, if it means I'm going to be alone.

    Need advice and support...

    ---------- Post added 20th Apr 2015 at 01:40 PM ----------

    I should also mention that I have tried OKC, Curve, and Plenty of Fish online dating systems, and have gone to events and asked a couple of girls out before, no success.
     
  2. YermanTom

    Full Member

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    Location:
    Co Wicklow Ireland
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    It can take a while to find and fit in with a new community. Joying LGBT clubs where the main interest is not the LGBT part is a great way of meeting other like minded people. Where I live there is a good LGBT running club, a dining club walking groups and lots more besides.
    So get out there and mix I would imagine Boulder is a big city and would have a lot of LGBT clubs.
    When I came out it took me a long while to get accustomed to the "new me" there were a lot of ups and downs. Now I'm more content than I've ever been in my life.
    Stick with it, it will get better.
     
  3. flibbertigibbit

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Lesbian
    Thank you so much for your response. I am hoping to join some meetups, but I'm in school & work full time so I haven't had much time.
    I'm glad it's gotten easier for you.
    It's just feeling like such a hostile workd to me lately, like high school. I have gay friends but all agree my lack of experience is going to be off-putting. Just feeling so lonely and hopeless, and afraid to keep trying for fear of making a fool of myself, or that people will be friendly to my face but talk behind my back, which has happened recently.
    Again, just like high school :/
     
  4. Gymskirtboy

    Gymskirtboy Guest

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    Location:
    Stafford, UK
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Maybe its just me but the thought of finding somebody who I liked and was inexperienced quite exciting.
     
  5. Richie.

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