How did you come out to your parents? Advice?

I was in the exact same situation when I came out to my parents and my little sister. Before I did tell them I was very worried about their reaction but it all went well - they took it great and I felt very relieved afterwards.
Why do you think your mother and brother know?
And I don't think that you need to have a girlfriend before you come out to them - as long as you are sure about your sexuality it doesn't matter

 

They know, they did not want to know, they do not wish to discuss. They do not treat me badly either. It is classic "military don't talk".

 

I'm not out to my family at all... Being married (and not leaving), I'm not sure they need to know at all. That said, I would want my kids to tell me, so maybe they would want to know... But it might be confusing, like why tell them now?

 

You don't necessarily need to act on your attractions to know.

 

You may want to ask folks here how a lifetime in the closet worked out for them.

 

Dear eburian:


You sound like you seek your parents validity, if not acceptance, in your new lifestyle.
Your not alone in this, I felt that I needed some sort of validity as well. My Dad said that he will never understand, so I can't really explain myself to him. But I thought that I could always count on my mom to, at least in part, to understand that my body developed female parts and now my mind is becoming that of a female, so when I dress like a woman, it's not to be rebellious against my parents, it's just who I've become.

So, I had Mom sit down, and I explained how much I love her and Dad, but I could no
longer live the lie that I was a male anymore. After her crying that she was losing her
oldest son, ( which was nonsense ), she hugged me really tight, ad I kept assuring her that everything will work out for the best, eventually.

My brother, on the other hand, believes that I'm evil, and won't even let me near my nephew. but that's his loss, not mine. My sister thinks that it's great that I finally " Came Out ", she said she's known all her life that I was trans-gender-ed, she was surprised that I waited so long to tell everyone.

All of my relatives said " you go, girlfriend ". They are so supportive of my lifestyle.


I know it's terrifying, but your mom will someday understand you.

Jaymegurl

 

well i did it last month. what i did was take the advise in my sig line and just do it over supper. i was terrified by the way and tears were streaming down my face but i did it and they were ok with it. the most important one i told was my son and i did that the month before.

 

This has been a big concern of mine. While I'm not sure, of course, what the details are of your situation, for me, there's now way my family doesn't know that I'm gay. We've just been living in a Don't Ask Don't Tell situation for decades. Telling them that I'm gay shouldn't be revealing anything earth-shattering. It'll just bring into the open something that was previously left unsaid.

What scares me, then, isn't that I will be rejected--they already know that I'm gay. No, what scares me is that my relationship with my family (and friends) will change. And that is filled with loads of unknowns. I don't know about you, but I don't like the unknown. What I need to overcome, then, isn't my fear of what they'll think about me, but instead my fear of what my life will be like after I'm open about who I am.

Hope that makes sense!

 

Hi,

My dad died in 1999 and my mother wants don't ask-don't tell. It is obvious, non news. She treats me no differently.

My brother... Was close to him, he offered to help me transition out of "married gay". Problem is his life motto "happy wife happy life" and his uber catholic, uber nut-job wife could not stand having me around. My brother made his choice like an obedient dog.

I work retail on weekends and see that a lot. Men on leashes controlled like a dog by their wife. No partnership, just control.

Problem extends beyond parents, siblings. Parents know anyway.

You are only fooling yourself.

 

Parents who aren't excessively bigoted or homophobic may have some clue before you ever tell them. Mine are both dead (mom 29 years ago, dad 4 years ago, and his death was one of several life changes around age 50 that precipitated my coming out), so telling them is not an issue. But after my mom met my college roommate many years ago, whom I was very clearly close to and fond of, we had a deceptively casual conversation that led to a discussion of people who were gay and how she hoped if "any of her kids" were gay, they would feel comfortable talking to her about it. At the time, I had some very mistaken ideas about what "gay" meant--in my mind it was tied in with a stereotypical lifestyle "choice", not an orientation--and I was so far from being able to accept it that I could probably have said I was straight and passed a lie detector test. But I've replayed that conversation in my brain many times and it's very clear looking back that she had some strong suspicions and was trying to make me comfortable talking to her about it, but I was too thick-headed to see it.

How my dad would have reacted I don't know, but my youngest sister always gave off a strong lesbian vibe, and he very frequently brought up lesbian celebrities in conversation with her, and kept reiterating that there was nothing wrong with it, in an attempt to get her to come out to him (and even after she got married he wasn't 100% convinced she wasn't!). And he can't possibly have missed all of the signs in my behavior--in fact, when I was a kid he gently coached me out of certain gestures and phrases that seemed a little too obvious, but never gave me a particularly judgemental feeling about it.

My parents were working-class, Catholic children of immigrants, with no college short of Mom's nurse's license, so it's not like they were part of some open-minded, learned intelligentsia. They were just average people who loved their kids and were somewhat tuned in to them. I wouldn't suggest anyone just blithely come out to their parents without thinking about the possible ramifications, but I'd also say listen to them, look at their behavior, and consider giving them a chance. They may surprise you. They may already know, or have a pretty good idea, anyhow.

 

Was no surprise to my parents. I called them and told them matter of factly. What did surprise me was their reaction of only caring that I am happy and that my family is doing ok.
Growing up, they knew i was messing around with guys; was hard to hide. But while they never said anything negative, they never said anything positive either. They always had priorities around what others "thought", "said" and "did", and that always seemed to be their more important to them. As I look back, had they told me then they would have had no issue with it, as they said to me more recently that it never was an issue, I often wonder if I would have made different decisions.