1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

I'm confused!

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by bizzywizzy, Apr 27, 2015.

  1. bizzywizzy

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 27, 2015
    Messages:
    23
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    London
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Hello all,
    I am new here and am a bit surprised at myself for posting as I am all over the place at the moment. I am mid 20's married to a wonderful man and have two beautiful children. I have always lived a straight life and had a number of boyfriends throughout my life. I was a tomboy when I was younger and have never been very feminine although a little more so now. Many people believed me to be a lesbian because of this and sometimes were surprised when I said I wasn't.
    Although...I have always had times in my life when I have felt strong connections to women I have known and had sexual fantasies about them. I cannot stop wondering what it would be like and feel sad that I will never experience this. I have had conversations with my husband about kind of being curious and he said the same but that it wouldn't bother him not to try it.
    Most recently I cannot stop thinking about one woman in particular (who I really shouldn't be!) I constantly want to kiss her when I am around her and find her so attractive. I look for reasons to spend time with her although I am so careful not to reveal how I am feeling as it is so inappropriate. I am so angry with myself for feeling this way and want it to stop...but at the same time I don't want it to!
    I can't get her out of my mind but she is married too. I am driving myself crazy!
    Has anyone experienced anything like this?
    Thank you
     
  2. bi2me

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 23, 2014
    Messages:
    1,301
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Ohio
    :welcome:
    You are not alone!
    http://emptyclosets.com/forum/sexual-romantic-orientation/143948-has-never-happened-before.html
    This is a really old discussion, but a lot of us have gone through what you are going through in some way. I found it comforting to feel less alone, and I know others have felt the same. Perhaps it will help you too. A lot of my story is there, but I realized last summer that my 'bicurious' (as we called it in the 90s) phase wasn't a phase. I am attracted to women (at least one of them).

    I'm happily married with 2 kids. Trying to come to terms with possibly never exploring this part of myself, but my husband/family mean the world to me, and we aren't in an open marriage.

    As soon as you get 10 posts you can write on my wall, or you can respond here with questions. I've spent the last 9 months grappling with this, and I feel a lot more together and sane than I did last summer. :thumbsup:
     
  3. brainwashed

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 29, 2014
    Messages:
    2,141
    Likes Received:
    494
    Location:
    Phoenix, AZ
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I have not experienced what you wrote about nor does it apply to me directly. But I can reflect a bit. Basically women are much more likely to fantasize and carry out same sex experiences than guys. Women are just more open and excepting, and you know what, that is cool. (I've read about this in books and am not shooting off non facts.)

    It's unfortunate that society and religion pigeon holes us into proper people, right? We are humans first, 21 century beings second. I call this cause, effect. (also from books) When our species evolved women had to get along with each other in clans, while the men went off to scratch their balls and hunt. This is what makes women so very, very special. You are a sexual being and like to be with other women. STOP BEATING YOURSELF UP FOR WHO YOU ARE. You are beautiful and behaving per your ancestral roots. (also in books)

    Try to work out a situation with your husband and go live life.