I'm looking for someone...anyone...like me. I'm a middle aged lesbian mother of 2 in a very long term committed relationship. Over the past few years, I've had an increasing attraction to men (now to the point of no attraction to women besides my partner) and this manifested in me having 2 affairs with men. No emotional attachment either time as it was purely sexual. I confessed and we're digging our way through this mess. I feel so very alone in this. I mean we all know "straight" people who come out as gay later in life. Who in the hell comes out as straight? HELP! I signed up for another "bi" forum today. Seemed like a hookup site which is not at all what I'm looking for. I really just want to talk to someone like me. Who is living their life as gay identified and struggling with coming out as straight or bi. Thanks!
My situation is not exactly like yours, but if it helps, I am struggling with the fact that I still like women, and could still be with one. It's difficult to be identified as 'bisexual' what with all the stigma attached to it, even from some gay folks. But lately I am becoming weary of labels altogether. Just getting sick of all these labels. We are all just human beings, damn it. And which gender we happen to be attracted to, does not really, or should not really, be such a big deal, even though society makes it that way. Go with your heart, and to hell with what society, gay, straight, or otherwise, might think. In my own case, I am beginning to realize that I have sort of been 'in denial' of the side of myself that likes women lately. I have nothing against liking guys, to be sure. But fgs there are some good women around as well, and I am opening my heart up to that again. Just because a few women hurt me in the past, is no reason to put up any kind of inner wall against women per se. In my particular case, I suspect that I did that. I'm not implying that anyone else has done this, though. Nothing wrong with liking anyone from either gender. Well, I guess we say that all the time, right? But it still bears repeating.
Thanks for you reply. I'm actually surprised anyone responded since my situation doesn't exactly fit on the forum. And if you're free to explore being with women again, by all means you should. I envy single folks that act on their desire and when/if those desires change, they can move freely to follow. If I went with my heart, I would destroy so many people. My partner, our kids. My whole world is wrapped in the identity of being gay. My whole world is them. I love them more than life. We've been together for over 15 years. It's a marriage though not legal. I can't even begin to wrap my head around how this could happen and keep telling myself that it's just a phase. It's so odd. It's like being in a hetero marriage and coming out as gay. Only it's backwards. When you're married and come out, you have a gay community embracing you, welcoming you and telling you how brave you are. You know what you get when you come out as straight? Crickets. Silence. It is the most isolating feeling I've ever had.
You are brave. Sending much love & support your way. Try to find comfort in the people who truly care about you & your happiness, your friends & family. Isolation will absolutely kill you. Although I can't relate to your exact situation, I do know how difficult it is to hurt those you love by following your heart. Do you plan on leaving your wife? Or just coming out to her & trying to work things out? Or are you still undecided?
Well, the closet door swings both ways! Tom Robinson, the British singer who in the 1970s sang 'Gald to be Gay' is now married with children. He describes himself as a gay man who happened to fall in love with a woman. His wikipedia article is (maybe surprisingly) good about his experiences.
:welcome: I think you are brave too! How would your partner (wife) feel about an open marriage? I am at the point where I think unhappily leaving a marriage just because the sex isn't what you want might not always be what's best for anyone. If the rest of the marriage/relationship is sound and strong, maybe there is wiggle room on the sex. After all, we never expect our partners to meet all our needs outside the bedroom... (I'm not in an open marriage, but I've gotten to the point where I think it makes more sense than getting divorced in cases where everything is perfect except the sex. Feel free to write on my wall once you get to 10 posts if you want to discuss my reasoning.)
Thanks for the responses and the very kind welcome. I know my situation is different from most on here, but I don't really fit anywhere these days. Here is my safest bet. I'm working with a therapist to get to the root of the issue. It's so odd being on this side - gay to straightish. When you're coming out, everything you do seems to support your "real" sexual orientation. Example...you watch gay porn, you fantasize about being in a same sex relationship, then folks assume that you are in fact probably gay. I watch straight porn, fantasize about being in a straight relationship and I'm "making" myself straight. So apparently, you can't help being gay, but you can cause being straight. An open relationship is not an option. I pursued that before I engaged in my affairs. Hence the affairs. And I don't want to do that again. I hated the lies, the deception, hurting her. I hated every single part of it. Except for the sex. And no sex is worth my integrity or her trust in me. It just wasn't worth it in the end. In therapy we're exploring if my sudden desire for men is more a reflection of an evolution of my sexual orientation or a reflection of my general unhappiness in my current relationship. But the thing is....I have NO reason to be unhappy. She's an awesome person and since she found out about the affairs, she's made even more changes in some areas that she knew were an issue for me. As it stands right now, she's perfect. But I'm not.
