I haven't been here in a long time, mostly because work was taking up all my time, plus there was Passover which I make a big deal about and take a lot of time preparing for. Anyway I signed up for a couple of meetup group events. One is a lesbian chat and pot luck night. It seemed pretty clear from the explanation of the group that women who identify as bi can also go, so I signed up for it. I also signed up for an excursion with an LGBT Vegan/Vegetarian group. But I'm scared I'm going to end up backing out of both events, because I'll tell myself that I don't belong, especially since I've never had a real relationship with a woman and still seem interested in men. (Well, in terms of celebrity crushes, not in terms of men I actually know or anything.) I really don't want to meet a man right now but I guess I'm not 100% sure I want to meet a woman either so the whole thing is really confusing. But I can't sit around in my apartment playing Pokemon and listening to German punk rock for the rest of my life. I've got to get out and meet people, and hopefully meet women (not necessarily for dates, but for support and just general friendliness.) The last time I went to an LGBT event it was at the LGBT center and I sat there telling myself "You are not attracted to any of these women, you have HOCD, you don't belong here, you need to go home." Even though I'm sure I don't have HOCD. At the time I told myself I would not go to any more LGBT events. And maybe I should stick to that promise. I just don't know.
I think you should go and just think about what new dishes you will get to try and maybe get some new recipes. You should try to shift your thinking to the activity and not the participants. I know we all want to meet someone but it's not going to happen on day one of any encounter. I recently participated in a musical afternoon where my nerves about playing pretty much occupied all my concentration but I did notice some women I'm sure were gay. One quite nice looking. At the intermission, after I'd played, I struck up a conversation with this nice looking one and her shy friend. They had played together. I complimented their playing, they complimented mine. We talked about our lessons, our practicing, our playing related aches... All normal stuff amateur musicians talk about. I was quite unlike myself but because I'm confident about this hobby of mine, I had no problem carrying on a "normal" conversation. It sounds like you like to cook so why not just go with the idea that you will be among others who like to cook who happen to be gay but that's secondary to the whole experience? You might surprise yourself like I did!
i would say go, with an open mind. whats the worst that could happen? you meet a new friend or two? and if it isn't for you, you would in all likely hood never have to see these people again.
I'd say this is a case of complete overthinking. You do not have experience to look for a relationship. If you are open and simply tell how it is, you like women and you are looking for a partnership, that should do. You could take it slow, meet a few people, laugh together and see where it takes you. Just have fun. Then you might say you look for a partnership but want to take it slow. So you could get to know each other, and take it from there. No need to get nervous or make up some reasons. You are a decent human being looking for someone. Thats ok. And if you just want to meet a few people, thats also completely ok. Concerning being bi, you might say you have been together with men but also like women. And you would like to take it slow, looking for some nice people. Imo this is an explanation you might also use for yourself to get used to it. If you don't make a big deal of it, others are more likely to simply accept it. hugs
I went to my first meeting yeterday thanks to a guy on here. It was so nice to be in a room full of people who were like me. I have virtually no contact with other gay people and thats very tough. I cant wait to go again and socialize some more. I feel so alone at the moment and I see going to the group a way out of it.
I totally understand. For me I worry about how I define myself to people. Yes I say I'm bisexual but because I have preference for women I worry about how I come off to people. I went to a bisexual support group and I felt like I wasn't sure I belonged. Someone mentioned being attracted to both genders at the same time.. which hasn't happened to me.. yet.. so I was worried I would be labeled as gay more. When I went to a lesbian meetup I was afraid how I'd come off because I don't have much dating/ sexual experience with women. Best advice I can give you in terms of that.. is don't worry too much and stop doubting yourself. Go with the expectation that you want to go to the event and then see if the people are cool. Meetups aren't for everyone. It took me a while to establish friends through meetups because it was hard to meet people in grad school. I hope this helps!
Thank you everyone for the kind words! I'm going to go and try to relax. I know I'll be tense and worried that anyone who knows my life history would want to kick me out the door, but I'm going to have to get over that. I'm not really going because I want to date. I mean if a woman asked me out and I liked her I'm sure I'd say yes, but mostly I want to just get out around other people, maybe make some friends. I need to stop being so scared!
Good luck, womaninamber, I hope it goes well! I'm also at this stage where I am trying to find avenues to meet other gay people. I've joined a few meetup groups but I haven't attended anything yet. But, know I sympathize and am rooting for you!
Hi womaninamber, it just occurred to me, maybe you just need to get out and meet like-minded folks in general; in other words, they need not necessarily be lgbt, I mean, find some club or group who engage in some art, sport or something that also interests you. Of course going to lgbt groups can be fun and enlightening, but there's no need to limit yourself to those, if it's just getting out of the house and socializing you need - and I sure can relate to this - then there are lots of 'groups' that might help with that.
I think you're right, Damien. And I do look for meetup groups that aren't LGBT also. In fact I'm supposed to go to an event with one in a couple of weeks, though it sounds like the kind of thing where I could end up lost in the crowd so I hope I don't. Anyway the meetup tonight went great! I felt pretty good, nervous but not terrified like last time, and I talked a lot but not so much that I thought I made an ass of myself. And I met a really nice couple and was able to open up to them a little about where I'm at which was excellent. I'm not saying I'm not having any thoughts that people actually all hated me and hope they never see me again, because that always happens when I go to a social event, but those thoughts are surprisingly few. It's just interesting because sometimes at groups when I mention times I thought I had a crush on a woman or how I've always been drawn to the gay community (in particular the lesbian community), I automatically think to myself "Well, you're really straight and just faking and those weren't real feelings and you don't belong here and they don't want you here." And I didn't feel that so much this time. They had an icebreaker question of talking about "first crushes" and I was able to mention a crush I had on a girl in high school and how I was very confused and the only adult I confided in really tried to convince me I was straight and should never mention anything to the girl. And I didn't feel like a fake, or at least not as much, I felt more like "Hey, people here can relate to that story!" I hope I get to go again. And I hope eventually I might be able to continue some friendships outside the group if possible. I'm really glad I didn't chicken out, and the support here helped me to go through with it, so thank you all.
Awesome! I'm glad you felt supported. I'm working on being myself in social settings too... I get how scary it can be.
womaninamber my recommendation is for you to go to the event(s). Networking never hurts. You can always tell yourself you go to the group to be a "support" person, you know an advocate for LGBT rights.
I, too, have a lot of ambivalence and it's not denial. I think you see the positives and negatives of intimate relationships and sexual liaisons with both so you're sort in a holding pattern ... that's what I'm thinking. Here's what I've found: dabble in these events and you just might make a like minded friend or two. Granted, you may not have much in common with a lot of the people showing up. It doesn't take much to tell ... you sort of walk in to these events, or even a bar, for that matter, and size things up. I have or had 2 bi friends and 1 gay friend, beyond a couple from my teen years, just from circulating, if you will. Their personalities work with mine. They're very candid about what they see in life and even in "the scene" and don't own rose colored glasses. You might just find a friend or two who wants to dip their feet in to about the same extent that you do. That could expand your social circle and ought to lift your spirits. It doesn't hurt to try.
