Hi, I've never posted in forum like this before. I'm a 51 y/o gay male who has only come out to a few family members and 1 close friend. I've never had a relationship with anyone, just casual sex, and not even that in a while. I'm sure those who have known me for a while that I haven't come out to, probably still know I'm gay. This late in life is it even worth it to come out to them? I'm pretty sure if anyone came right out and asked me I'd answer them truthfully. Any suggestions on online dating sites? I think I'd like to finally meet someone or at least try. To add to the difficulty of finding someone, I'm also handicapped. I have MS and can't walk very much.
Hi "99701" I'm in a similar situation, 59 married and only out to a small number of people. I think it's never too late to come out. I know guys that came out in their 60's! As regards dating I have absolutely no experience, but guys in the support group for married men that I attend have had great success. As one of my pals says "there is cover for every pot", so MS or not, there is a guy out there for you.
Hi 99701, welcome to EC! There are several of us who are in the process of coming out or who have come out, with all the expected consequences. Unfortunately, the rules here at Empty Closets prohibit discussion of online dating sites, however, a quick Google search will no doubt help you there. I'm not going to say that having MS and not being able to walk very much will not affect your dating prospects, on the other hand, if you do find someone who is interested in you and who is interesting to you and you both get along well and he seeks to understand your challenges (as you discover each other over time) you may find that such a person will most likely be a person of quality and compassion, who is open-minded enough to explore the possibilities with you. Your disease may actually be a factor in strengthening your relationship Keep posting here, you may find other sources of support as you proceed on the path to self-discovery.
Welcome! You're totally in the right place. There's never a "too late" and there are lots of people who don't come out until their 60s and even 70s, so you're far from the oldest. I think you'll find, as greatwhale said, that there are lots of people that will be interested in meeting and spending time with you. While there's certainly shallowness in the gay world, there are also lots of people with depth and understanding of what's really important. As far as dating sites, what I can tell you is that virtually none of the exclusively gay websites will likely help you find what you are looking for, and I can pretty confidently say that none of the hookup apps are going to be helpful if you're looking for real connection. While we can't publicly give the names of dating sites in the forums, if you PM me, I can give you the names of a couple that I've heard of several people having success meeting quality people.
Thanks for all the great replies. I don't think I'd have any problems with my friends, but some of the veteran's groups I belong to have some older members who may not be very open minded. I'll probably take it person by person for now.
Hi, I use to work for an independent living center and they have a LGBT Meetup group. Starting one locally may be an answer. One of the nicest guys I ever met had CP, was limited to a power chair, and one of the brightest lights I ever met; sadly he was straight. :icon_sad: As Chip indicated many of the sites and apps are useless. Yes, some people succeed but if you try them you will find your own answer and understand the nature of the beast and Chip's advise. I reccomend a more organic approach, use your life circle and networking with friends you trust. Welcome to EC.
Wow, what a day. I just came out to a close friend. He had no idea, but was glad I trusted him enough to tell him. That makes 2 friends now, probably more soon. It seems to get a little easier each timel
You are really in the right place with all these friendly and understanding people. Coming out is hard enough however with this group to talk with and ask questions of it is a whole lot more pleasant. The absolute best to you.
It seems I'm slowing down a bit. Came out to 5 people last week, but none this week. I feel like I want to tell more people, but I don't know who it should be next. The last 2 were no problem since they were both openly gay. I've had an opening with a few people asking "What new?" But i just said nothing much. They were more acquaintances than close friends, so I'm sure that had something to do with it. I'm wondering with some people if I should just show up at an event with a boyfriend and let them figure it out themselves?
Hey 99701! The more people you come out to, the less people you have left to come out to. It's normal that it's slowing down. 5 in a week is a very decent number. Seems to me like you're out to a significant amount of people. I'd keep in mind that you don't have to explicitly tell everyone in your life. If someone is just an acquaintance you're not particularly close to, it can be a little awkward for you to make a point of telling them them about your sexuality. With them, you can just casually come out during a conversation when it would just be natural to mention it (straight people reference their relationships all the time). Saying something like, "My boyfriend and I went to a party last week downtown," or "My ex was like that, I've never met a guy so obsessed with cars," or "Yeah, I've heard of that band, this guy I dated once was a huge fan!" If someone asks whether you like this or that girl, or whether you have a girlfriend at the moment, just go, "Oh, I'm gay, but she's pretty cute, I guess." Anyway, don't worry. It sounds like you're quite "out" already, so take a moment to congratulate yourself on that. At some point, you'll have "come out" to enough people that you can just start "being out," and yeah, bringing that boyfriend to an event and letting people get the hint sounds good.
