Tried suicide....failed

I'm glad that you took the time to reach out to us, we are here to support you as best we can.

Now this is important: (because to your children, you are everything), for your sake, for your wife's sake and for the sake of your children, please seek more direct help. Any suicide attempt must be taken very seriously. Before dealing with your situation, you need to find a way to avoid this path in future. A professional counselor should be able guide you through this valley. Later on, you will need to work on your issues of self-esteem which you recognize as the underlying cause of what is going on.

Thankfully, you didn't go through with it, your kids need you alive, but more than this, they need you to be strong and they need you to be happy.

 

Well thank God you didn't commit suicide.

As greatwhale said, professional help is crucial. Your family deserve it, and so, frankly, do you. Life hasn't been kind to you, but I am sure things can be straightened out (no pun intended). But don't do anything rash.

 

Jrockcold
I have just read your last post. I hope you are still listening? Yes it is pain - real pain. You found your father dead and that started your own troubled journey. If you end your own pain you may then start that cycle all over again for your own children. Ride through the pain. It will be and is hard, but is it not time to break that cycle…. not to let it begin again for others? We are all incredible beings full of energy and suffering and joy and confusion. Ride the wave….

 

arfff
please dont do it sir

i try suicide 2 years ago
i did it
and my cousin found me half dead and took me to ER
i woke up 4 days later knowing nothing what happened, an ET tube shoved down to my throat, accompanied with intense pain in every single part of my body. It was the worst pain ever,,,

i try that again few weeks back with different method that i'm sure it will end my life fast and painless
but the folks here realize me that i still have many things to look forward in life
so i didn't do it

you do have a lot of things to look forward too sir
we (yes including me) just have to start open up to other people
given your hard time past i'm sure that you feel the idea of opening up to others going to be hard as hell and the rejection will hurt even more than what it already is
but once were out there in the open its gonna be better

You sir say it yourself that its hard to close your eyes and not see that when your father passed away... imagine the same thing happen to your children, which in this case its going to be more difficult to bear that knowing their father commit suicide

its going to be a kick in the nuts for them,

just please dont do it sir

there are a lot more of good and very supportive therapist, one may left his/her practice but you can always ask for being referred so you have no problem finding a new one

for your guy who stab you in the back just ignore him... there are a whole more bunch of sweet guys that willing to wait, commit and understand. Its hard but its not impossible to find...
again we just need to go out there and look for them

please dont kill yourself sir
your life is too precious for yourself and our loved one
arfff

 

please dont do this, if you ruin your chances of things getting worse you also ruin your chances of them getting better, do you really wanna force on your kids the burden of your death like how you had the burden of your fathers

 

No don't! I know things look dark right now but dark times pass. They do. Your counselor was shitty for doing that to you but they aren't all like that. Maybe she quit because she wasn't cut out for it. Telling you by text is a reflection on her and had nothing to do with you. There are some really good counselors out there. And a good one can change your life. You just have to find one. I know it's difficult to reach out right now but it's so important that you do. Your kids need you to do it. You aren't alone either, many of us have felt the way you do. You have us at EC for support. Please don't give up.

 

Jrockcold, please think of your children as Greatwhale said. Focus on them, they need you, their father, the rock in their world. I know it seems overwhelming but you have come here, and are reaching out for help and there's lots of us here that are more than willing to help and support you in this journey. Your counselor notifying u by text message of anything significant like that speaks to her and her professionalism (or lack of) and doesn't have anything to do with you. You can find another counselor that is a good match for you---I have been through three and found a LGBT counselor who is wonderful. And the guy you had feelings for, well there is a lot of amazing other men out there. You have to focus on urself my friend, on getting better and building ur self esteem first and foremost. Everything else will follow. You are young and have children, they need their father. Don't give up, lean on us, the community here. There are so many of us who have been through similar situations. You are important, ur life is important.

 

Hi,

Can you tell us where you are now? Before you do anything, can you call this number?

1-800-273-TALK (8255)

It's the crisis hotline in Ithaca.

Here is their website:

Suicide Prevention and Crisis Services - Ithaca, New York

 

Please don't. For your kids sake if no one else's. I'm praying for you

 

Thinking about you... Please don't hurt yourself. I know you think it can't get better, but it can. Your kids need you. You can be strong. You can fight back from the brink. Call the number. Please get help.

 

No, I can't imagine what you're feeling. It must be very challenging dealing with your dad's death. I really don't know what to say about that. But you're wrong about this "failure" business. You're a success at not killing yourself. That fear can be a good thing because it's obviously related to survival instinct and helping to keep you with us.

It sounds like you're really frustrated with counselors. I usually obtain better results when I solve problems on my own. Maybe it's the same for you and/or you've just had a lot of incompetent counselors. I read about things like "dialectical behaviour therapy" and I apply it myself.

At the very least I would put off the suicidal plans for a while. I acknowledge that you feel overwhelmed, but I still think you can get through this and experience a lot of happiness. It can be surprising how much situations can change, even in a short time.

 

Please excuse my verbiage, it is not meant to demean your situation or make you feel bad....


But, if you are religious, what the hell makes you think killing yourself will make things better??????

Nobody has ever come back from the dead to emphatically and undeniably tell us if things are better on "the other side", much less IF there is an "other side".

Life sucks. Nobody ever said it was going to be easy. Nobody ever said things would go the way we want them to go.

I too have had my demons in my head....but I fought back and here I am.

Pain is life. Period. Whether it is the pain of happiness or the pain of sadness, or the pain of physical pain itself..........Life IS pain.

YOU are the one in control though. Why? Because it is YOUR life. YOU are the one in the drivers seat. You can't put your life on "cruise control" and expect everything to go according to some easy going plan that TV and movies foist upon us into believing that that is the way it happens. TV and movies are LIARS.

YOU have to work for what YOU want in life. This includes your personal convictions, loves, friends, freedom, happiness, and anything else.

If you are religious, then you need to decide if you need to follow your religious beliefs or if you need to follow who you truly are. There ARE gay religious organizations out there.

If you are going to follow your own path of who you truly are, then you have to admit this to your family. Yes, it's another painful experience, but you are going to have to go through a lot more pain in order to get to the place where YOU want to be.

Your family may understand and try to deal with it. Your family may not understand and not want to deal with it.

Killing yourself is not doing anyone any good. Your wife is going to be sad and your kids are going to be sad.

I personally do not believe in therapists, but in this case, you need to find one....or two...or three. You find one that will listen to you and give you options that fit your life, and what you want to get out of life.

You obviously are looking for either a solution or other avenues of thinking......since you are posting on here. Otherwise you would not be posting on here.

You MUST figure out your first course of action....which should be finding a mental health professional, or several of them. There is no rule about only having to go to one.

You MUST figure out the different paths you can take. A therapist will help you do this.

If you do not want to deal with the religious aspects of any of this, then call the local LGBT organization for referrals to therapists who deal with closeted married men. Most LGBT organizations will talk with you on the phone anonymously....so you don't have to give them any information if you do not want too.

Finding a therapist will help guide you through what it is that you need to do in order to get your life on the track you want it on. And you will have to deal with a LOT more pain and suffering until you get to the point where you realize that it is not as bad as it all seems.

As far as the weight and looks issue goes.........the therapists can help you figure all that out as well.

The first thing to do, is get a therapist.
The second thing to do is get a Dr. to analyze your depression and get you on the right kind of meds.

Once the meds have been worked out and you are on some that do you good, then the therapist can be of more value to you, getting your mind straightened out and getting things in perspective.

Do something for yourself that is worth the effort. As the saying goes, getting the help you need is the hardest part.

 

I'm so glad you are still with us. Please keep us posted. Many of us are thinking about you.

 

Jrockcold,
I felt some optimism when I read the last part of your post: "Yes, I'm looking for other options..." Don't give up, please!