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Survey

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by CubbieBlue, May 5, 2015.

  1. CubbieBlue

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    I tried to make the subject title as least misleading as possible, though I am asking for your help by answering a one question survey.

    Do you (especially men) get "excited" when you check out people you're attracted to? Like physically excited? Any tingling, for the women who read this post?

    Reason I ask: I was talking to my counselor about my attraction to men and women, and I told her I think I'm bi. We both wonder if maybe I just like men more, if maybe I only like men. She asked if anything happens when I check out a woman. I said no. Man? If I like what I see? Yes.

    Then she asked if I would "do" any woman who's not my wife. Even if just in my head. And when I think about the actual act? The answer was no. No other woman. But if I think about some hot guy? Yes. All the way. But this is all new to me.

    So, when you all check someone out. Does it do anything for you? Or can you just look and nothing happens? I check woman out all the time, but nothing physical happens for me. But let me look at a guy and I'm having to sit down for a while.

    Thank you for taking the time out to read this and respond
     
  2. maybgayguy

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    Hey cubbie...I feel the exact same way you do. I check out women all the time but nothing happens for me. But when I let myself look at a guy...well I yeah I get excited. I have also let myself look a little longer without feeling embarrassed. If he looks back and smiles I get nervous and excited.
     
  3. sartorious

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    arfff

    if by people you mean guys i'm attracted to then yes...
    i dont need deep level attraction to get a buzz with a guy. even its just superficial physical attraction, the "little guy down there" already reacts positively
    every time i go to gym and surrounded by that well formed manly shape, even when they're using gym shirts (which shows their muscle definition because usually the clothes were damp) i got hard
    its even harder when any of them shirtless... uuuuuurrrrrrgggghhhh just take that training pants off already dammit

    sorry

    if its girls with attractive body -i never check out girls unless my friend asked my opinion- it don't give me any buzz/tingling sensation at all
     
  4. bluehorizon

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    If I understand your question, I've never gotten hard just looking at anyone. Attracted, sure. To men, in my case.

    I should perhaps add that I have zero sexual attraction to even the hottest men, if I don't first know and like them. Long ago, I realized that, for me, sex is boring without an emotional connection.
     
  5. AKTodd

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    While I certainly enjoy the view if I see a hot guy out in the world, I don't experience any physical arousal. I'm very controlled and if I don't feel arousal is warranted or appropriate in a given situation then I simply don't feel it.

    Todd
     
  6. sartorious

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    arfff
    i think i need to learn from you on how to control my urges and desires
     
  7. DragKing692

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    Ahh... Anne Hathaway... but other than her, I need to get to know her first. You get me?
     
  8. DinelodiiGitli

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    I'm not sure.
    Either it doesn't happen, it's too subtle to notice or a have way more self control than I realize. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  9. bi2me

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    For me, I've only really been attracted to a few people whom I was close with before being attracted. Sometimes I do 'feel something' for my husband, other times less so... But that might just be a not-as-much-in-the-mood thing.
     
  10. MetalRice

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    I would say yes, in most cases when I look at a man or woman that I find physically attractive - something usually happens either in my mind or down there; some reaction does happen. The strength of it and the arousal level I feel tends to flucuate depending on the specific person however; and my reactions to women are on a whole generally stronger then my reactions to men.
     
  11. Outlier

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    I notice women I think are attractive and can appreciate their beauty, but it's never a physical/sexual attraction or reaction. I only get that when I look at men.
     
  12. intro55

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    For me I spent years thinking I was attracted to women, but always felt something was missing. With guys I would always suppress any feelings or reactions to other guys. That's one of the main reasons its taken me so long to realise I am gay.
    But since I have been questioning my sexuality I realise that what was missing when I looked at an attractive women was any real sexual attraction, I'd appreciate the looks but nothing more would happen. With guys now I let myself be attracted to them I get a nervous feeling, butterflies, tight chest and definitely aroused. Just shame it's taken so long to know what real sexual attraction is, but definitely enjoying it now.
     
  13. paris

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    I'm kinda like you CubbieBlue, just female bodied. I get no physical response when looking at men but some women can make me pretty "excited":stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: Sometimes I even need to stop and take a few deep breaths. It doesn't happen with every women I find attractive though but yeah, some women have that influence on me. I explain it to myself that over the years not only I was suppressing all my same sex feelings but they bottled up and when I acknowledged them they exploded all at once like a bottle of champagne :lol: It's hard not to feel like a horny teenager sometimes. :grin:
    Moreover like you, except my boyfriend I cannot imagine to have sex with any other men. That just has no appeal to me. Btw even with my bf things changed and I have absolutely no desire to be intimate with him.
     
  14. allnewtome

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    This was an area that caused me confusion for a long time. There was often a physical reaction to my ex wife, girlfriends but it was never something that occurred for me with women until there was some sort of relationship built.

    With guys on the other hand there was always some sort of reaction, small and subtle for a time but a hot guy would catch my eye and I'd get uncomfortable and have to look away then often find them creeping into my mind later while I went about my day or I'd dream about them. The more I've become comfortable with my sexuality the more obvious my attraction has become to me.

    I'd heard someone describe it similarly once and I recognize it now looking back as Even at a young age I'd often find myself think how 'cool' certain guys were, and I'd talk about them endlessly whether it was an older kid from the neighbourhood or someone from TV I was often taken back and pretty vocal about their "coolness" lol.
     
  15. nohalos

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    When I check out guys? No.



    But when I start imagining things... that's when all the blood rushes....
     
  16. CubbieBlue

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    Thank you all for your replies. Your input helps
     
  17. Kalopsia

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    Exactly what noangeleither said. Checking out guys just makes me think 'Well, he's fit'. It's when/if I start thinking 'Oh, the things I'd do to you...' that all the rest kicks in :slight_smile:
     
  18. CameronBayArea

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    I try to think about my sexuality in a different way...

    I've found that parsing the intricacies of desire is very tricky. For me, a lot depends on the individual in question AND what kind of interaction I'm pondering. For example, I could quite happily enjoy sex with many women if they stayed completely anonymous to me (as in, faceless and voiceless), but I have zero interest in finding women to have actual sex with because those conditions can't be met, even with prostitutes. I'm far more attracted to men but 90% of them I wouldn't want to touch, even anonymously. Am I bi, gay, difficult, or weird? Who cares???!!

    I believe the more important question is, what and who would it take to fulfill me?

    If you only fantasize about men and gay porn, but you're married to a woman, and you feel so fulfilled by the sex and intimacy you have with her that you're not motivated to pursue either with a man, why stress yourself or your wife out by focusing on a "gay" label? Be happy! You're fulfilled.

    Similarly, if you aren't fulfilled by sex and intimacy with only one person, and you have some degree of attraction to both men and women, maybe you're "bi" and "polyamorous." Or maybe you're just bi. Or maybe you're just polyamorous. Again, who cares what the labels are?? What matters is that you understand what you need to feel fulfilled. Once that's covered, you can then communicate your needs to prospective partners, as appropriate.

    Black, white or grey, we each have a life to live and THAT'S what matters, not the boxes we put ourselves in.
     
  19. QueerTransEnby

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    1. Excited? Yes, one body part can especially display that quite well when checking someone out. :lol: The secret is being somewhat covert and not looking like you are cruising.
    2. Yes, I got excited when checking out the backside of a female at DQ this past week. It doesn't happen as often as guys though. I think my eyebrows go up. "It" doesn't go up as much as when I see a hot guy though. I think I can fix my gaze on guys for longer. I think part of it is I feel like I am violating women more than a guy. :dry::icon_redf
     
  20. eburian

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    I can relate to this and honestly love coming to this forum. Since I've been younger I don't ever really remember being sexually attracted to men. Physically I notice they are attractive and emotionally like talking to one but nothing makes me want to jump in their bones. My crushes on women on the other hand have been more intense and honestly there are days when I wish I could get my parents to jump into my internal self and feel what I feel so they could finally understand :frowning2:... Even still though, what does it for me in terms of being attracted to someone is their personality vrs. they're hot unless you know a drop dead gorgeous woman happened to be walking near me one day.

    I've never completely understood that about myself.. only that it makes me feel different from people at times. Some days I'm curious about dating guys but then I wonder.. would I miss the touch and feel of women? Maybe I do need experiences with men too.. idk.. I guess I felt that in dating guys I didn't really feel that connection.. Would I not be able to fall in love with a guy.. idk.. I wish my parents could see that its not a phase.. and this is me.. :< Sometimes I want to talk to somebody about this.. People interpret it as " I'm struggling?" but honestly, I think I just want to find people out there in the world that understand this as much as me.

    idk with how I define myself I go between the labels of bi and lesbian because really I don't feel like it's clear cut.. I feel like a lot of people still think it is.. especially with the perception of bi men and women like being bi vrs. gay will make you more gay than straight and vv.. Honestly, it kind of bothers me.. because I've honestly seen throughout my life.. that not everyone's sexuality is super clear cut.