I had book club at my house tonight. It was a great and wide ranging discussion. All the women (it's all women right now) who were there tonight are moms. We were talking about raising kids so they know it's ok to be gay or anything else. One of the girls said (after swearing us to secrecy) that she drunk kissed a lesbian friend in college AND I DIDN'T ADMIT I AM BI. It was the perfect time. I almost said something. Then the moment passed. :creeps deeper into the closet: On the plus side, I was really good about making all of my opinions known and shared what I'm doing with my kids to hopefully make them comfortable talking to me.
It's alright! You're not a wimp. I go through a lot of the same struggles with my friends too. The one thing that I figured out is that sometimes we're not ready to come out in certain situations, and that's OK! It may be due to the fact that you were in a group setting. I find the idea of coming out to be a bit easier in a one-on-one situation. You're strong and you'll come out to your friends when the time is right for you.
That doesn't make you a whimp at all. It was a group setting. That can be difficult. Plus, one women admitting she kissed a girl while drunk in college is not the same as you coming out. Not even a little, so don't be so hard on yourself. For be it was just a fun little kiss. An experience in college. For you it means more. You'll come out when you're ready. And first to people that mean a lot to you
I feel myself in the same situation a lot these days. The conversation just goes a certain way when talking to friends and you think 'Oh, this would be a good time to just come out with it.' and then the moment passes and it feels like a lost opportunity... I'm also taking the 'when the time is right' approach to coming out but it can be hard. There's a battle that goes on in my brain between just wanting to tell everyone and get done with it and stopping myself to make sure I don't get emotionally overloaded with whatever reactions I might get. So you're not alone in this!
Coming out to a group? Don't be so hard on yourself. If you have 7 affirming women and one who is bigoted, that situation could get ugly quickly. Come out at your own pace with your own select audience.
I know the feeling of a missed opportunity oh so well. Just recently I was having a drink with a new colleague whom I have become friends with, and the topic of girls came up. It was the perfect time to come out, it could have been so casually and naturally worked into the conversation, but I missed my chance and just talked some BS, probably making it harder for next time. Felt so damn dejected after I left. But you are definitely right to look at the positives of your scenario, you got to voice your opinions on the topic, and you also know where others in the group stand on the situation! Give yourself time and I'm sure you'll be able to take the next step next time. And as others have stated, coming out in a group situation would be incredibly daunting- maybe when there is a smaller group you might feel more comfortable and confident.
I've been working in the same department at work for 18 years. I've had a number of gay and gay-friendly co-workers that I've been very close to, and we've had numerous discussions about being gay. coming out etc...and yet, it was only 2 years ago that I finally told one of them (who had actually retired) that I was gay. The rest followed over several months. But the point is, I had over a decade to come clean, but I didn't because I just wan't ready to. You will do it when you're comfortable enough with it to do it. Or when you're so UNcomfortable about NOT talking about it. No point in shaming yourself. When you're ready, the words will come out.
Thanks guys! I had a great coffee with one of my friends who at least sort of knows today... (I tried to tell her in the fall, but it kind of came out muddled. I'm sure some of you can relate to that! :dry We had a great conversation, and I mentioned that I'm active on a glbt forum and she didn't ask why or anything, so I guess she figured it out or I was less unclear than it felt. Felt good to focus on being myself wholly and authentically.
So... I just told the friend who said she kissed a girl that I had some experiences in high school! Eek! Kind of freaking out, but I also told her that not many people know... Didn't tell her I'm bi, but it's not too much bigger of a leap, right?