Alright. My sister is gay. My two best friends are gay (one guy, one girl.) I've had the conversation about "it's okay to be gay!" several times with friends. I play competitive hockey and I'm always surrounded by gay girls/couples which I am very supportive of. I'm just confused about whether I'm straight or not. I'm in my mid 20s and I've never had a serious relationship. I've never even really dated and haven't had strong feelings for a guy since I was 14. I do find that I "check out" guys more often than girls but I'm not sure I have that emotional connection to them. I just don't know what to do. I've a had a few friends that I developed "crushes" on over the years.. maybe I feel an emotional connection to women because I do trust them more and feel much more comfortable around females. I am a shy person when it comes to romantic things too so that hasn't helped. I guess I'm rambling here but I don't even know what to do. I feel like I'm gonna die alone or I'm unlovable (doesn't seem like anyone wants to be with me either, hmmmm....). I've never been in a relationship and I'm not even close to being in one now. It's hard to know what to do when I don't even know what I want!! help?
I know mid 20s may seem very old when you are there, but it really isn't. Some of us take a long time to work things out, and that's ok. There is no race. Nor is it necessary to label yourself as 'gay', 'straight', 'bi', whatever. Just give it time. And, though I know it is easier said than done, don't worry! You are a long way off being 'on the shelf'!
I'll second that! There are a lot of folks who figure things out even later and go on to find partners.
I know EXACTLY what you mean, canadian. Going on a very long time without dating makes you begin questioning. That was my experience. I'd stop seeing guys for a very long time and then start to think that I just might not be into them, because of how difficult it is to find somebody compatible. I start thinking and questioning that I might be bisexual or just asexual. It's just that dating is becoming so much more difficult these days after the proliferation of the online meat market. But then, a strapping man with a hearty smile appears and I realise that I'd want nothing more than to make him my permanent cuddleboy. Judging from the very limited info you gave us, I think that you are straight (and very broad-minded), but just can't find the right man to date.
We /might/ be the same person.. our stories are pretty much exactly the same, haha. I don't have any good advice because of that, but I know how confusing and infuriating it is to not know who you are. Message me if you'd like to chat!
I know how it feels to be in your 20s with zero dating experience and feel like you'll never have it. That was me just a few years ago. When you're in the thick of loneliness, it's hard to believe that you can ever be anywhere else. But it's not true. Though I'm single now I do have a past relationship under my belt, which is something I wasn't sure I'd ever have when I was in the midst of my sexuality confusion. Stop focusing on the big picture. Every thousand mile journey begins with a single step (to throw a cliche at you). Instead of looking at your life as a whole and feeling like you'll never find someone, focus on the here and now. What small steps can you take right now? I say this from personal experience. Even if thinking through your issues seems like it'll be the thing to solve them, it isn't. Introspection only goes so far. Eventually, you have to act. But it doesn't have to be some big action. What I did: I signed up for a dating website. No picture at first. That was my first small step. I set up my profile to look for guys. Was I sure I was gay at that point? No, but I generally was more attracted to guys, so I started there. Then, I messaged some guys. Another small step. Then, I uploaded a picture. Soon enough, I went on my first date. Sure, it was scary, but once the guy showed up it was fun, and after it was done I was glad I did it. Then I went out on more dates, meeting more guys. Believe me, at the time I didn't think I was "close" to a relationship either. But lo and behold, I was in my very first relationship 3 months after I went on my first gay date. A few months after I first joined this website and posted about how I didn't know how to break the "intimacy barrier" I was having my first kiss. Typical? Maybe not. But my point is, your focus has to be on the process, not the end goal. Don't make it all about finding a relationship or figuring out your sexuality. From where you are that might seem insurmountable. Instead focus on getting better at exploring, and at dating. Meet people. Have fun. If something feels right, follow it. Allow yourself the possibility that you might make a mistake. Maybe along the way you'll realize you're not quite on the right track. You'll figure out how to course correct. And the people on this wonderful forum will be there to support you on your way
But my point is, your focus has to be on the process, not the end goal. Don't make it all about finding a relationship or figuring out your sexuality. From where you are that might seem insurmountable. Instead focus on getting better at exploring, and at dating. Meet people. Have fun. If something feels right, follow it. Allow yourself the possibility that you might make a mistake. Maybe along the way you'll realize you're not quite on the right track. You'll figure out how to course correct. And the people on this wonderful forum will be there to support you on your way [/QUOTE] Wow, I know that advice wasn't intended for me but seriously thank you for saying it. I'm around your age and for me it's the complete opposite. I think the universe is telling me too that I start to get out there more and see what comes out of situations. For me as well with dating, it's hard to find that primal balance between oh I'm trying to look at this situation casually and not expecting anything vrs. I really want to find a relationship. I try to look at dating now as.. you I'm going to meet someone and have a fun conversation. I too, am bad at breaking the whole "intimacy barrier" because I've been single for quite a while, was in one relationship with a guy for a couple of months, but know I really like girls, and haven't really been successful with dating yet.. maybe I too need to find out what I want. idk.. it's hard to say now it's even a priority, I mean I want to have a great relationship but I'm willing to wait. I want to make a great impression in the career world too where I'm headed next!
