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Came out to my wife

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by EmmaLynn, May 8, 2015.

  1. EmmaLynn

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    Hello everyone, this is my first post... well anywhere on this subject, I recently came out as Transgender to my wife of 8 years. I have been lucky so far and she has taken the information like a champ, and in fact she took me shopping two days after i came out to her because she doesn't want me wearing her clothes.

    But i guess that is besides the point. I was wondering if anyone has had any expierence in this area, if anyone has come out to their spouse and stayed with them through transition i have read a few stories but it always seems a little distant not being able to speak with those people myself. I have always loved her and in fact after I came out to her I cannot keep my eyes/hands off of her and she the same to me. but I know it is hard for her because... well she didn't know Emma for the last 10 years we have known each other she only knew the man she married. I fear that this happiness that she has is only going to be a phase and it will wear off after a while.

    I guess i would just like to hear from anyone on the subject. thank you and thank you for creating a place that is an open and loving environment.
     
  2. bi2me

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    I'm so glad that she has been open and compassionate with you. I'm sorry I don't have any advice, but here are a few questions:
    Have you known you were transgender for a long time or did it come up recently?
    How does your wife feel about remaining married as you transition?
    What made you decide that now is the right time to share with her/join EC?
     
  3. FoxSong

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    Hi there and welcome :slight_smile:

    Regarding whether your other half's happiness is just a phase, is she also bisexual? I was just thinking it may be very difficult for her otherwise to be with a woman. At any rate, just keep talking to her, figuring out where her head is with all this. Good luck.
     
  4. CubbieBlue

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    First of all, congratulations on telling the most important person in your life a big part of who you are. That takes a lot of courage and love. I'm not transgender, but I did come out to my wife as being either bi or mostly gay in November. I'm not 100% yet, so that's why I said both. Anyway, like your wife, mine was very supportive at first, but then did come back down to earth and started feeling all sorts of feelings. This almost feels more comforting because it's more along the lines of what I expected. It sounds like you might feel the same. The good news? My wife and I are still together and talk from time to time about some of these feelings. It sounds like your wife loves you a lot and is willing to support you. I hope for the both of your sake, you both work this out together. Anyway, that's a little bit about my story. If you would like some details or have more questions, please ask away. This is a great community to be a part of. And remember to give your wife time to process her feelings and reassure her that you love her and want to stay married, if in fact that's what you want.
     
  5. EmmaLynn

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    I have not always known that i was transgender although as i look back on my life I find it silly that I never put two and two together. I have known for about a year now, but my wife is the first person that i have told and that was only two weeks ago. I know she says that she wants to stay with me during transition i cannot start doing any sort of HRT or anything for at least two years. I have a job that would not let me do anything. But i will be done with it in about two years. I actually think that she talked me into telling her I was not really planning on telling her anything that night but she is a very persuasive person, however I am sure glad that she got me to say something I was starting to get depressed and quite confused about everything.

    She is not bisexual however which is something that worries me for sure. luckily we have these two years to really figure our lives out and find out what each of us wants from our relationship.

    My wife is my most favorite person in the whole world and i am glad that she is okay even if it is just for a little while. I am glad that there is a place like this that I can openly talk to other people about issues that are on my mind as well. Thank you everyone.
     
  6. looking for me

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    first of all welcome to EC and congratulations.


    i think it is so great that your wife has had an initial positive reaction. and it's up to you how far you want to transition, IE full bottom surgery as well as HRT etc. i hope you both can be happy with what you work out.
     
  7. maybgayguy

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    Amazing story. Glad that your wife is so supportive. You have a long journey of change ahead of you. Happy to see you are taking those steps.
     
  8. xxmiaxx

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    My husband just told me he identifies as a woman and has since a young child. That he has been with lots of men but doesn't think he is gay because he just did what girls do with men. I think he is bi maybe,? Hr loves women he wants to be one.
    He almost did the sexual reassignment operation a couple of times but has never lived as a woman 24 hours a day. he wants to be a man when he wants to be a man but have girl parts?
    This is my first marriage. this is his third first marriage, he is 57.
    so far I'm handling it okay. He wouldn't havemarried me if he wasn't going to stay a man. but he needs to acknowledge his female side which is fine as long as he has his boy parts. I am NOT a lesbian at all. I'm just taking it day by day and doing what we need to do
     
  9. Thessa Blossom

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    I'm happy for you that your wife is so supportive and understanding.
    I envy you a little bit. :icon_wink

    You wrote that you can't do anything because of your job, I'm in quit a similar situation but I think it should be possible to start with some subtile steps.

    In my case I would start with hair removal I really hate it, maybe get some t-blocker prescription to stop it damaging my body and see how my scalp hair regrows or not.
    One baby step after another.

    If you want someone to talk to don't hesitate to reach out.

    Thessa