My son convinced me that I should try dating sites again but of course I ended up depressed when I had no results, even though it would be silly to expect instant results. Although in some cases I think that's because I didn't realize some women weren't paid members and weren't able to message me back. But I had a bunch of other stressors going on and started convincing myself that I'm just pretending to like women for the attention or that it's just my OCD acting up, and I started reading OCD websites again to try to reassure myself that I don't have "HOCD." (I know, that's not even a real thing separate from OCD). And I'm not sure why I'm so afraid that's what's going on when I don't even fit the basic symptoms, since I don't hate the idea of being with women in the least. I even announced here once that I was sure I didn't have it but I guess I backslid. Sometimes I think I my OCD (which I do think is real) is convincing me that I have HOCD which is actually kind of hilarious only I'm not in the mood to laugh right now. I think if I had a relationship with a woman I might feel more confident, but that's not going to happen in the near future I guess. I mean I know I sound like a mess sometimes but I don't think it would be too terrible for me to date if I could find someone and be honest with them that I'm a little confused. But who wants to date someone who is confused? I don't blame them either. My therapist thinks I need to work on not hating myself and that's way more important than my sexuality. I disagree to some extent but she has a point. And the truth is she is not educated in LGBT issues at all so maybe exploring them with her is pointless anyway. But when and how am I going to explore them? I can't afford to pay for another therapist privately and I don't think my HMO would let me change. I'm sorry if I'm rambling but it does help to let this all out. Right now I'm having a lot of trouble getting through the working day and I am working this weekend so it's rough.
Hi, dating sites have mixed results and, let's face it, the profile you put up is an advertising job! Really liking yourself - or at least forcing yourself to - will help you make a positive ad for yourself. Sometimes we just have to spin the positive a little. Maybe we even start to believe it ourselves eventually! I wish you all the best
Yeah, I'm sure I need to work on my profile. I mean I try not to be outright negative in it but I'm sure I could do better. It's weird, I tend to have this feeling that if I like myself even a little then a) the universe will want to smack me back down and/or b) I'll become an egotistical ass. I appreciate the input. Thank you.
Some of that is probably internal, and some of it may be remnants of your upbringing. Try to find some middle ground. I'm sure there are some really great things about you!
