Feel Ugly, want to feel beautiful

have you thought of a few things like these:

- a major life change ? (e.g. moving to a bigger city)
- enjoy your size (some people attracted to your size!!) its great that you are already losing weight but work on a plan to increase exercise, and eat better
- joining more interest groups (LGBT and straight) to improve your chances of meeting potential characters
- working through your thoughts with a counsellor to support you making some big changes

are you also a bit depressed? Maybe some help there with your doctor would help things along

you need to sort of feel you are taking control

write a journal… make a 6 month plan and a 3 year plan

 

Exactly my thoughts everyday... :tears:

 

As a woman who loves women, I can tell you that somebody out there finds you beautiful. I know I see beauty in everyone, there really isn't any woman I don't see something attractive about.

Some women are @holes, and it's better to know that from the beginning, right? If they're abusive to you when you just meet, imagine what they would be years into knowing you!! You're lucky to have this size thing as a jerk-detector.

What kills the romance faster than anything though, is a woman with no confidence about herself. The kind always putting herself down, or fishing for compliments, or denying every nice thing you say to her, or comparing herself all the time to others.

You know what's really hot? Women who know they're cute, know they have strengths, are funny and/or affectionate and/or intelligent and/or talented and/or interesting and/or kind! You have something cute about you - what is it? Find a new thing every day that is likeable, and write it down. If all it is is that your knuckle works on your left pinky, fine. Start there.

You also sound like a nice person, because you could have said all kinds of horrible things about these people who shot you down, and you didn't, you just took that pain inward on yourself instead. A little anger is healthy, and I really suspect somewhere in there, you are eating away not only sadness, but a bunch of anger maybe you've never allowed yourself to feel before.

It would be my recommendation that you don't date ANYBODY for a while, like at least 6 months, while you work on finding out how to love yourself. You'll only attract douchebags at this state anyway, because you don't feel like you're worthy of love. They can sense that, and will prey on it.

Journaling daily is a great thing. If you don't like writing, make a video journal instead, or an art journal.

At the end of every single day, write down 5 things you are grateful for. It doesn't matter how small they are. That you're breathing. That the sun is still there. Whatever. Gratitude changes the entire world. You're actually very lucky to have the body you have. Maybe spending some time volunteering will get you out of focusing so much on what you don't have, and help you think about your usefulness to others. There are people you might encounter who don't have limbs that work, or have a body that is failing them medically, and they are still attracting romantic partners. It's about how you see yourself, and life. It's not actually about what you look like.

Also, I would recommend you see "weight loss" as about ADDING things to your life, not at all about taking them away, or depriving yourself - otherwise, you're likely to gain it all back and then some. ADD a new fruit or vegetable every week. Try new things. ADD a new physical activity to try once a month. ADD another glass of water to your day. ADD a walk that is 5 minutes longer than your daily walk from last week (start with just 1 min though if you have never walked really before and it hurts your knees). ADD a new food that is steamed with a lot of spices or herbs, or baked, or grilled. Before you know it, you have added so many things, it is hard to fit in all the unhealthy stuff you had in your routine from before. You'll also have a lot of new experiences that will build new confidence.

Focus on putting things in your life that you enjoy. It's very possible that you spend your life subconsciously punishing yourself, which is what is making you so unhappy. You do all the things you SHOULD do, and few of the things you WANT to do. Most overweight people give way more to others than they do to themselves. Wear clothes not based on how thin they make you look, but based on how happy they make you feel. Find fruits and vegetables that are RIPE, and that with some great spices or herbs, TASTE good. It takes only 3 days of healthy food to retrain your brain and palate to like those better than processed foods. Find things that you love to do, pursue new hobbies, and enjoy life! Try a movie MeetUp, or kayaking, or woodworking, or photography, or whatever feels good!

Rewire you brain. Write down positive alternatives to every negative thing you tell yourself. Fake it until you make it - every time you catch yourself saying something awful to yourself in your head, stop yourself and say the alternate thought instead. Eventually, it will become automatic.

Try growing some of your own food. This is way easier than people think. When you grow your own produce, it is not only healthier, but usually tastes much better, and is way more fun to eat. Gardening is also great for getting people out of depression. Try some herbs, or sprouted seeds in a windowsill or under an artificial full-spectrum light. Try growing a garden outdoors, or plants in containers. If you get full light in summer, you can try things like strawberries, spinach, tomatoes, various beans, or peppers - all of those are easy to grow in containers. Buy heirloom seeds online and pick unusual produce you've never seen before - there are hundreds of varieties of every single plant we get from the store, and often we've only ever tried 1 or 2 of them in our lives! Try to grow something new, and see what happens. New life, means new hope.

Get to a doctor and get a nutritional blood panel done, as well as an electrolyte panel. Very often, both people who are overweight, and people who are depressed, are actually deficient of some nutrients. They feel terrible, and tend to overeat, because they are actually malnourished and starving! It's the body trying to compensate. It could be from poor diet, or it could be from something in the body that is not functioning right. Things like Vit D deficiency, magnesium deficiency, iron or B-vitamin deficiencies, etc. etc. can cause depression, exhaustion, obesity, and generally feeling terrible, and are easily fixed. You may also need a thyroid check. You say your hormones are off, so maybe those need further help than you're getting. Also consider getting a sleep study done with a neurologist. If you are overweight, there's a good chance you have some level of sleep apnea, and getting that corrected might allow you to lose weight and have lots more energy without much effort.

Women with curves are sexy. I do like women who are in shape, but I have found many overweight women to be beautiful and very date-able, and what attracts me to them are random things - gorgeous hair, hilarious personality, brilliance, cool sense of style, volunteer activities, knowledge of something I don't know about, great career, active lifestyle, beautiful eyes or skin or smile or shape (yes) or who knows what. Every single one of them showed confidence though, and kindness. Sometimes people with no confidence are actually really self-centered, and they are so worried about themselves that's all they really talk about, and don't even seem to hear what you're saying at all. So I like a woman who can focus on a good conversation, and talk about other topics, not her thighs or that she's the fattest woman in the room or other negative and self-centered talk. A positive woman is really sexy. One who always manages to talk about the negatives in life turns me off.

Hopefully somewhere in here are some ideas that will work for you. You've got to stop putting yourself down, if you want women to see you as attractive. You have to find yourself WORTHY, and HOT, first, believe it or not, before you can actually attract a woman who will treat you well long-term. If you don't respect yourself, eventually even a nice partner will stop respecting you too, and will walk all over you.

You might have some really deep-rooted old issues to work out, and therapy might help for that. Or you could try a group setting like OA. You have to walk straight through the pain to get over it. You can't keep stuffing it down and expect it to go away.

I hope today you'll look in the mirror and write down at least one thing that you like about yourself, or that you can admit is like-able! It's really not that hard, once you get started. The first day of change is the hardest one.

 

As a woman who loves women also I can tell,you that large woman are a total,turn on ! Lol..not too mention on the other hand feeling beautiful and looking in the mirror at a male body..uugghh has ruined more than one of my days! Lol..hang in there sweetie..you are beautiful!

 

Hey RainbowBright!
Did you take some brilliance pill recently or were you always this smart? I've read a few of your other posts in the last little while and you are very wise. Kudos!

 

This may sound weird but I like body hair fine, on any gender. I am certain I am not alone.

But I know how hard it is to accept and love yourself, even when people give you good advice about it. It's extremely hard for me.

 

I think you hit the nail on the head when you reflect on your self esteem. When you build your self esteem, you build your confidence, and I personally believe comfodence is a driving factor in people's perception on Beauty.

Try setting small goals and working to achieve them. Whether it is to focus on a sustainable target Weight loss, a change in what you eat, a challenging hobby, or involvement in a local organization. As you set objectives and meet them, you may find that you build confidence. As you build confidence. Your demeanor will evolve and reflect that confidence.

Others around may begin to see it and react favorbaly. Which in turn you may notice and then find your self becoming more attractive

 

It may or may not be helpful to hear, but ugliness and beauty are states of mind, not physical states. It's about what you project and radiate that forms the basis of attraction.

Yeah, ok, neither of us may be the kind of women men will drool over at the beach...but I don't want that kind of attention anyway. But if you value yourself and radiate love, you'll find that you can create a kind of filter where the wrong people stay away, and the right people find you quite attractive.

 

Move.

Seems you are working on yourself, which is good.
Seems you do have a good attitude, regardless of the letdowns going on.

Also seems the one thing getting you down is your environment.


So move.

No, I'm not talking about down the block, or the other side of town, or some other place a few miles away.

I'm talking about another state, another country.

Go someplace where you have always wanted to go. Get rid of or sell what you don't need in life, anything that will weigh you down, and take just what is absolutely needed and start somewhere else. Keep on going until you find the place you like.

 

Thank you. Sometimes I don't write on here very much, because I feel too vulnerable sharing my thoughts - which is weird because it is an anonymous forum, but still. But then some nights I have a lot to say.