Hi everyone. I guess at 35 I'm considered "later in life." So here I am, I guess on a new journey. I recently came to realize I was truly bisexual, as in I'm interested in seeing what it would be like to be with a man and not have to hide it. I'm not the most masculine guy, not really into playing sports but love to sit back watching a game. Most of my closest friends are woman, but I don't like feminine things like shopping or things of that nature. I guess I've always had a sort of attraction for other guys. Growing up I had a friend and we used to mess around. This stopped around highschool, then nothing but interest in girls. Had girlfriends through the years, but always felt I needed something else. I've had a few same sex experimentations, one time deals nothing serious. Once when I was around 22, this wasn't a very good experience as I was sort of forced. Then recently it hit me again, went on a hookup site met a very few guys nsa. Was totally fine after that. Then I started actually chatting with a guy I met in a chat room. I know it's ridiculous, but I really feel a connection to him. Like smile whenever he messages me. I get upset that it's impossible to even try being with him as the distance is just too much. So the other day I decide to talk to my best friend of the last 20 years. Shock would be an understatement to describe her reaction, but I had to talk to someone. I've been in the dumps for so long it's been eating at me. Told her how I felt, what I've previously done, the chat room guy. Told her how scared I was. I come from a very tight knit family, and I just don't know how they will react. My sisters and mother I'm not worried about so much, but my father I'm sort of on the fence about, and my brother-in-law has made some comments I've never been comfortable with. The main thing is I'm tired of hiding me. If I end up with a guy, whatever. If I end up with a woman, well that'll be easier, but still whatever. Another issue that keeps holding me back is if I do actually date a guy, then meet a woman will she think I'm a freak. I've got a call into a therapist, because I think I need to talk to someone outside, also the reason I joined the forum.
Welcome to EC. Sounds like your going about the journey the right way. Getting a therapist is certainly a good start. No need to rush, take baby steps. Between your therapist and those on EC, you will find a lot of support!
Thanks. I am really having a hard time with this. Too many thoughts in my head and not enough answers. One minute I'm ok with this, the next I'm not. One minute I think I missed out on too much, the next I don't care. Also, I'm totally freaked out by my age. I'm 35, if I want to see if I can "date" a man like I want to, how the hell do I do that. I don't have a gay friend, not exactly something you go looking for. I really don't want to go to a gay club, just feel like I would be subconscious.
All gay bars and clubs are not the same. I frequent a gay "sports" bar that is very laid back (lots of straight women go), and except for some of the posters on the wall, you might not even realize you're in a gay bar. Guys watch sports, play pool, stand around and chat, etc. Not much cruising going on. Sometimes it's good just to be around a lot of other gay people, even if you don't interact with them much. Maybe ask the woman friend you're out to to go with you?
Hi cyclops79, welcome Have you looked into any local meetup groups? I've been seeing a guy I met at one of those. Lower key than a bar. I'd not dated a guy before either
Welcome! Yes, we are in the later in life club Take your time. I know it can feel like you figured this out too late to start dating, but lots of people do in their thirties and even later. A therapist sounds like a good idea. Some folks are specifically glbt friendly - you can ask when you call them.
That's the best way to approach it. I had one appointment with a therapist that didn't click with me before I met with one I clicked with. She's been very helpful.
Don't be concerned about what you think you might have missed out on. You still have your entire life ahead of you. In reality, you missed out on a lot of immaturity and recklessness and can move forward with real life experience which brings good judgement, character and consideration. In terms of meeting people, I often tell people it's a numbers game. Get involved Ina s many different activities as your time permits and availability in your area. Everything from online dating, to getting involved with charitable organizations, gay sports leagues, social groups (meet up as someone else suggested), going to bars (even if alone, others are there as well), to just meeting people as you go about your daily life.
Hi Cyclops, welcome to ec, and well done on coming out. It's always a little leap of faith to do, especially when you're not sure of how the other person might react.
Two more under my belt lol. Sort of blurted it out today. Still a bit confused about all this. I know most of the negative reactions I'm expecting are in my head.
