online dating

I think online dating is a bit of a game and to a certain extent you have to be prepared to play it. By that, I don't mean hook up with someone, if you don't really want it, but you do need to prepare yourself for dates that don't work out or come to anything. I know it's disappointing, but it goes with the territory.

Some people like to sneer at online dating but I heard on the radio a few weeks ago that more and more people are using the internet for dating and relationships and it's a trend that is expected to continue, so there are clearly people out there who want the 'real thing'.

As someone who used the online method himself and found the 'real thing' I would offer this advice:

Do research before registering a profile. Some websites have a poor reputation, while others are much better. Sometimes it's better to use a mixed dating site (one that caters for straight and gay relationships, rather than one that is dedicated to LGB dating only).

Prepare your profile with great care and be authentic. You want to come across well, without embellishing things (there are plenty of people who do that already, so you don't need to). Do some research on creating a great profile and ask a friend to run a critical eye over it.

In your profile be very clear about what you are looking for and what you are not looking for. There is no such thing as a perfect match, so be reasonable and realistic in your expectations and expect to make some compromises, but don't be afraid to have a few non-negotiables too and state what they are (like no hook ups).

Start by offering friendship first. A reasonable person will understand this approach.

Sometimes you need to go on a few dates (to different places) with a person to form a better impression. Going on a 2nd or 3rd date doesn't commit you to anything, but it helps you to see the person in different surroundings and gives you a better perspective. Once the first date nerves are out of the way, people tend to relax more and may start to open up.

Keep your feet on the ground and don't get carried away.

 

Hi

I would never do something because it was a popular trend. Online dating is advertised nore and more and sheep are going to flock.

Online dating is very regional (success/failure).

 

Online dating seems more of a game to play for a bit of fun or lets talk and be friends for a week then not talk, thats how I been finding it so I stopped, its hard to find people in my area so I came to an understanding of go out and do what you enjoy like events and conventions as these places are best to make new friends and sometimes more.

 

The best advice I have heard, after you have worked hard at creating an authentic and interesting profile is to get offline as soon as possible. Second best advice is to first meet in a public venue...then let the games begin!

 

Hi,

I find the bulk of those on online dating are living virtual lives. Their social life is imaginary. When it comes to meeting in the real world they evaporate.

 

Even though this thread was written with gay men in mind, a lot of the tips are applicable to women.

---------- Post added 20th May 2015 at 01:37 PM ----------

I've encountered quite a few catfish people when I was on dating sites. :lol:

 

Well I must be a monster because nobody wants to even chat to me on them LOL
too little too late I guess.....

 

I have had prior success with dating apps, and I am differentiating between dating apps and hookup apps. I do agree that honesty is the best policy. At the same time, try and write a profile that reflects your personality and character.

This might seem odd, but using at least four profile pictures is also a good idea. One close up, and then a few in different settings and different lighting positions.

I would not rely on the matches that some sites have. They are algorithm based matches which take away the subjective and try and apply math to matches. As well, some sites use the matching function as a way to guide you towards pay based services, which I am not sure is ideal.

It is a numbers game, so the more people you proactively reach out to the better chances of success. If you sit and wait for others to contact you, you might be waiting a long time.

Finally, try rotating between different apps or web sites on a regular basis. Use one for a few months, then idle the account and switch to another one for a few months. And then yet another one. Each site tends to attract different people. At the same time, removing your profile from a site for a period of time while on another site helps keep your profile fresh when you do revisit then said site.

Good luck!

 

Good point about being proactive. I didn't wait for others to contact me - if I got a good vibe from someone's profile I contacted them.

 

I find the above untrue for at least two of the major sites. They bring back matches simply to bring back matches and pleasing the customer, making the customer feel desired.

They use all kinds of tactics.

I wonder if real world matchmakers who personally interview do better.

Online sites are simply driving dollars from the desperate. My experience anyway.

 

Hi Folks,

I've not much experience with this but at the age of 55 have been surprised how many younger guys get in touch with me. I found a book on Amazon Kindle called "Gay Online Dating" by Mike Alvear has a lot of interesting advice on writing profiles etc. and it would seem that many folks I've viewed online (mostly smart phone apps) don't follow the basic advice given. Very often people are offered tick box options when setting up a profile and select "Hookup /NSA" and also "Long Term Relationship" which gives an inconsistent message. It also doesn't help when apps on phones only give you a few lines to get your message across, try finding an app that lets you type as much as you want to describe yourself and what you're looking for.

I'm also surprised at the vast numbers of very poor profile photos, many are blurred and poorly cropped or too big to be viewed on a smartphone screen without scrolling very often with the guys head off the top of the screen (as opposed to a deliberately headless photo). Lighting is often poor and many photos have a distracting background like the inside of a lift or a bathroom, you should use a background that says something about you or your hobbies. If you're taking a photo in a mirror look at the reflection of the camera lens in the mirror and not the smartphone screen and, if you can, flip the photo the right way round. If for example your profile text says you're interested in fine art and classical music don't use a photo of yourself obviously drunk at a rave surrounded by shirtless guys, everything about your profile should be consistent. If your profile states that you're out then don't have a headless profile photo, it sends a conflicting message.

I would recommend that folks look at their own photo on a selection of phones & Apps that their friend may have so they can see what they look like to others. It's probably best to take 20 or 30 photos and select the best 5 and perhaps get a friend to help pick them. Perhaps the first task when searching for someone online is to find someone with an interest in photography .

Sale Gay Guy

 

I'm having some success online. I met 1 guy about 24 hours after signing up on one site and we started messaging right away. We've gone out to dinner once already and had a great time. Trying to get our schedules together so we can do it again.

I also get messages from people out of state, sometimes at the other end of the country, even though it says in my profile I'm only interested in local men. I'm also getting "likes" from people in other countries.

One guy has a profile picture that is not a photo of him. He right away in his messages wanted to talk to me on webcam. When I asked about a picture, he says he doesn't have any good ones. I'm thinking definitely no on the webcam thing.

 

I think we are saying the same thing, they are not to be relied upon. I, however, was giving them a little bit of a benefit of the doubt

 

O9701

You heard of "phishing"? Online dating is rife with it.

Be careful. All compliments are not friendly.

 

I recently tried a couple of dating sites again because my kid encouraged me, but I can't afford them anymore so I dropped them. I've had virtually no luck with any dating site.

I'm not good looking and I don't have the equipment to take a bunch of different pictures of myself.

I know I really fail in my profile, and people can tell I'm a little weird, but I don't want to act like someone I'm not and attract someone who wouldn't want the real me. I realize those aren't the only choices and you do have to sell yourself, but I guess I just don't have the energy to deal with it.

I have certainly tried messaging people (as opposed to just waiting for them to message me) but it didn't do any good. And my "matches" on one of the major sites were clearly just random.

Sorry to sound like just a downer, I know online dating works for many people, but it hasn't for me. However seeing as I also have a lot of trouble meeting people in real life, it could be that the problem here is me.

 

If you had to rank all the ways of meeting people online dating ranks at or so near the bottom of the list it does not matter.

Topping the list is your natural circle of daily life.

If your circle does not deliver... Move. Change it.

 

I think everyone will need to find an approach to dating that works for them. For some, online dating works great, for others finding people at a bar, others will make dates from work, and then there are social group participation. Even more, dating clubs in various cities. Point being, don't rely on any one method. Mix it up and find what suits you best.

 

This is my approach. Online dating is just one knife in the drawer. For me, I don't put a lot of energy or time into it, but it's out there and I've even had some good interactions. Heck, I met my ex online.