Hi, I am 30 and have only recently accepted that I am gay. I have spent most of my adult life hoping that if I ignore it it will just go away. For be being gay has always been like a major hang up and something that I really just can't accept. However, I have worked hard over the last few years and made great progress, I've come out to my friends and family and everybody is accepting and no one has an issue with who I am....apart from me. I find it hard to explain but I am just so angry about having to be me. About having to be gay. I wish it could be any other way. I also find it so difficult when I spend time with other gay people. Especially couples - I find I just feel jealous of what they have, and it makes me feel like I've failed and that I will never be able to have what they have. I also find myself very angry towards other gay people. It's like I look at them and hate them because they are gay!! It's so hard to explain. But it's such an issue for me. One that I want to desperately overcome so I can live my life. I'm so scared and confused and angry and just pissed off that this is the way it's got to be. And I just don't know where to go or what to do with my thoughts! I hope someone somewhere can emphasise with the way I feel....it's so hard to talk about these things. People really don't understand.
Hi. You've come to the right place. I know that my acceptance of my own sexuality has been harder for me to accept than it is for other people to accept. Are you working with a therapist or counselor?
I seem to recall some folks talking about feeling angry that the life they imagined for themselves (hetero marriage and kids) was not going to happen any more. I think we build our goals and dreams up so much, that anything less than what we really wanted is crushing, and even when we get it, we feel it falls short.
Yes, I am going to start seeing a therapist very soon. I've recognised it's the only way forward....this is like a final hurdle that I need to get over and I really can't do it by myself. My thoughts are more confused than ever and I need to change the way I think about myself and who I am! Thanks so much for the support
Please try to stay positive and open minded. I've only come out to a Lesbian friend at work but am trying to work up nerve to tell wife and kids after we get back from vacation in a couple weeks. I really can't wait to be open and out already-tired of living a lie for so long. Hopefully therapist will be a big help-good luck and this really seems like a great place to talk and get good feedback
Yes I too feel the same as you, I see my friends dating while I'm hating. I had those same feelings. I try to tell myself to be comfortable in my own skin and be happy with myself, to love me for who I am. I mull around the idea of seeing a therapist and then think, I can get through this on my own. I think.... Why, why me, why was I delt this hand? Giving advice and posting comments on these forums does help a bit. Just knowing there are other people out there going through the same thing makes me feel a little less lonely. They say the two most important days in your life are the day you were born and the day you figure out why you were born. I haven't figured that out yet. I wish you the best of luck in overcoming your angry feelings and I hope you find happiness with your life.
You are lucky that you figured this out at 30. I was able to ignore and deny long enough to get the life that I wanted, only to awake at midlife to realize it was built at the cost of ignoring my true self. I had my own set of "have tos" - I have to get married (this was before gay marriage was legal) and I have to have a family. I've learned that "have tos" are dangerous. How would you feel if you reframed "having to be me" to "I get to be me"? You are lucky to have that choice today.
Hi, What is the nature of the anger towards gays? Internalized homophobia seeking an outlet You do feel you do not fit into gay culture The mainstream (squeaky wheel) perceptions of gays Other I do not have anger but I am disappointed that the numers game is not in my favor. Why do you choose anger? Is it anger or just outrageous frustration?
I am 37 and just now entering into my life as a gay guy. So you are definitely not alone, and it seems we have all come to the right place.
