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Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by skiff, May 21, 2015.

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  1. skiff

    skiff Guest

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    Hi

    So many here are lonely...

    I am curious if EC has considered the next step after leaving the closet?

    Ok, the person is now out, restarting their life ALONE...

    Is there a potential for EC to regionally have conferences for people to meet?
     
    #1 skiff, May 21, 2015
  2. confuseddreamer

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    I know what you're saying, and this is a good idea, but are members are spread so far and wide across the world, and there is of course the question of people's confidentiality.
    As it says in the codes of conduct, Privacy and security are of the utmost importance.
    I'm sure if you speak to the moderators and people running the furum (in "Ask the Staff"), they will give you a more definitive answer.

    Whatever they say, good ideas are, I'm sure, more than welcome. :thumbsup:
     
    #2 confuseddreamer, May 21, 2015
  3. skiff

    skiff Guest

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    Did not say it would be easy.

    Once you are "out" confidentiality is no longer an argument.

    This just sounds like next logical step.

    I am not speaking to those still stuck in the closet but those out and dealing with the phase II issue... Gay, over 40, alone in the world.

    I am no fan of incamera discussions.
     
    #3 skiff, May 21, 2015
  4. Gymskirtboy

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    That would be me. Over 40 gay and very much alone. Yes I care for my wife and because of her disabilities I couldn't leave her, but we are no longer husband and wife in reality. I'm her best friend and carer, not her lover or partner any more. Going to LGBT groups is helping me as I'm in an environment of like minded people, but I am finding that once every 2 weeks is a bit tough.
     
    #4 Gymskirtboy, May 21, 2015
  5. tscott

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    I agree if the person is out and over 21 then a regional conference would make some sense, especially for those of us in "Stage II". There are definite pitfalls to avoid. We are used to the rituals and routines of straight dating. Meeting someone who wants to take their time and get to know someone is like searching for a needle in a hay stack. Many couples have open relationships or are polyamourous.

    What's a person to do? Some advise on this subject be helpful.
     
    #5 tscott, May 21, 2015
  6. LD579

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    This kinda sums it up. Not possible or feasible until much later, and not realistic any time soon. It'd basically need staff to oversee it, and that limits where and when it could happen if it ever did. Posting in the Help and Feedback area is a more targeted way to talk to staff while still being public, for future reference.

    Location's a big determinant, but have you tried looking for LGBT meetup groups/socials? It wouldn't be EC-specific but it would be a nice way to branch out.
     
    #6 LD579, May 21, 2015
  7. Chip

    Chip
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    We've talked in concept about the idea of partnering with bricks-and-mortar programs (LGBT centers, etc) and I think it's something we'd like to see happen. I also, personally, would love to see a sort of EC convention or something... but the logistics are pretty formidable. Not the least of the problems is figuring out where to do it. We have more members in the US than anywhere else, and probably more members in California than any other state... but there are a whole lot of people throughout the world who would benefit from such activities. So it's sort of a tough call to think about it without the partnership of local organizations.

    I think in time something will come about, but, to be honest, it isn't something that's really high on our priority list right now.
     
    #7 Chip, May 21, 2015
  8. skiff

    skiff Guest

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    Why not partner with PLAG?

    They already work with kids weekly so an annual adult (one) conference per State may not to be too hard.

    PLAG is national?

    Maybe discussing with PFLAG (national) directly is a better idea and cut out EC.
     
    #8 skiff, May 21, 2015
  9. Martin

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    We have attempted to reach out to PFLAG before, initially when we started to cater for support queries relevant to 'Parents and Family Members of LGBT People'. At the time we were interested in exploring whether we could initiate a working relationship to see if they'd be interested in promoting their resources and services, by acting as community liaisons for that support section (and beyond). Unfortunately, we didn't get any response from them, so it'll be up to them to budge on that before we can really look at working with them in any capacity.
     
    #9 Martin, May 21, 2015
  10. skiff

    skiff Guest

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    Was that door knocked on more than once?

    Squeaky wheel...
     
    #10 skiff, May 21, 2015
  11. Chip

    Chip
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    There are a lot of irons in the fire, and many ways to approach this. We had a liaison to a local PFLAG chapter on staff for a long time and she was helpful in terms of pointing people to resources. But PFLAG itself ( the national group) is, to my understanding pretty understaffed and has little direct control of individual chapters, so it is not an easy task in any case.

    Additionally, PFLAG is primarily focused on families of LGBT people, not on the LGBT person him or herself, so I'm not sure they would have much interest in facilitating interaction between LGBT people as I don't think that's a major part of their primary mission.
     
    #11 Chip, May 21, 2015
  12. Weston

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    I'm not sure a once-in-a-blue-moon conference will achieve very much, especially if what you're looking for can't be signed, sealed and delivered in a single weekend. I still like the tried and true advice of joining anything you have the slightest interest in — not necessarily gay, but it helps. I joined a gay hiking group, gay book club, gay dads' group, and a friend is pressuring me to join Mature Friends. I've met dozens of good guys through them, though still searching for my ideal mate. I'm actually beginning to enjoy the chase, rather than focussing on the ultimate goal.

    Oh yeah, I also had my first date with a guy from an app the other day: we met for coffee and are going for a walk later this week.
     
    #12 Weston, May 21, 2015
    Last edited: May 21, 2015
  13. OnTheHighway

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    How about someone just volunteering to find a pub to meet at for those in any given area? Maybe a section for local meet ups where members can post places. Those that want to can do so, those that want to maintain confidentiality have no obligation.
     
    #13 OnTheHighway, May 21, 2015
  14. Choirboy

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    Queers - when you want to go where everybody knows your (user) name!
     
    #14 Choirboy, May 21, 2015
  15. OnTheHighway

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    :roflmao::roflmao::roflmao:
     
    #15 OnTheHighway, May 21, 2015
  16. BMC77

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    I can see the pub situation now:

    EC User approaches bar. "I just met a guy named BMC77. Pour me the stiffest drink you can!"

    :lol:
     
    #16 BMC77, May 21, 2015
  17. archerrose

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    Too funny! I live in an area where there are NO appropriate meetup groups. There are some about an hour to two hours away but they are difficult to get to due to scheduling. I live in a small town and there just aren't enough other people like me to start a group. I understand the frustration
     
    #17 archerrose, May 22, 2015
  18. Chip

    Chip
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    The problem with this is our security policy: Such a meetup could not be publicly mentioned anywhere on EC (walls or forums). It could only be shared by PM to individual members.

    We have, at times, looked at possible workarounds, such as having a full-member-only forum, or an 18+ only forum, where such things could be discussed but (a) that poses increased security concerns for us, and (b) it also creates a hierarchy of membership, which we've always sought to avoid.

    This issue has been brought up many, many, many times since our current security policy went into place in 2008. Unfortunately, there isn't any way, in those 7 years, that we've found a suitable solution to it. That doesn't mean that we won't, at some point in the future, or that we won't at some point consider variations or options in our security policy, but as I said above, it's not on the radar at present.
     
    #18 Chip, May 23, 2015
  19. Tightrope

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    I don't know what to say, or maybe I don't know how to say it.

    I may be alone, but I don't know how lonely I am. I have gotten comfortable with my own company. I do let people into my life, but only those who will increase its quality, and not decrease it. This does not mean I would abandon or shut out people with problems, because we all have them. However, it could put up borders on the depth of involvement. Friendships are definitely easier. My parents always told to be that it's better to be alone than ... well, there's an adage for that.

    I think your idea has a good ring, but its workability is something else. Some of us live in metro areas, and it becomes a numbers game. How often you want to roll the dice is up to you, and to me, and to the other members. The intimacy thing is more important to you, based on your posts. The friendship thing is more important to me.

    For starters, there is the PM feature. It is one way to kick start friendships. People living in close proximity to each other have gotten to meet other members. I think that if a person is in New York, Chicago, or San Francisco, opening up the EC network to network "further" is not going to be the panacea.

    For those living in smaller areas, I have no doubt that it's tougher, but security and curbing possibly overzealous situations comes first.

    ---------- Post added 23rd May 2015 at 12:30 AM ----------
    This is how I look at it.
     
    #19 Tightrope, May 23, 2015
  20. skiff

    skiff Guest

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    "(b) it also creates a hierarchy of membership, which we've always sought to avoid."

    EC is full of hierarchy already. (eg full members)

    "I may be alone, but I don't know how lonely I am. I have gotten comfortable with my own company."

    This is where I believe 99.99% of the problems start. Closeted gays are recluse, isoltated and socially non-participating. Trust issues rein supreme; closeted or not leading to "blow and go" or "I get my pleasure and run before you can emotionally hurt me".

    Look at EC... All the security is trust, fear based. Simply reinforces the fundamental; "they are going to hurt you. Be scared. Hide.".

    Promoting inclusion, social participation outside of apps, webpages, and bars (rotting edge) is the goal, correct? Creating a healthy real world life.
     
    #20 skiff, May 23, 2015
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