As a follow up to my prior posts, had another therapy session with my kids. We actually spent quite a bit of time talking about their reaction to me being gay, along with other more typical father children type of issues. They did want to understand my process of coming out to myself, what I knew and when, how I was when I was younger, etc. So, I was very open and honest. I Gave them a lot of history about how I had relationships with both guys and girls when I was younger, how I decided to end relationships altogether with guys after One of my relationships went sour when I was younger, my perceived lack of acceptance altogether when I was younger being LGBT, not recognizing that sexuality was not something that can be controlled, how sexuality is dynamic, and the process I went through by which I concluded I was gay. This lead to the discussion about how I buried my sexuality and, with it, was disconnected emotionally from them and others. They reiterated no issues with me being gay, that they have not experienced any issues from others at school, and acceptance of me being gay. However, the emotional disconnect did create a big hole in our relationship. It was not an easy discussion, but nonetheless a good one to have where we now have one piece of the puzzle that has been a problem between us. We established a path forward to follow on how we can work to mend the relationship, and it appeared to me at least, that all of us felt as if a big weight was released off our shoulders. Still more work to do, but with a clear path forward, feeling very optimistic at the direction we are heading.
It's great to hear you're making progress And it's good to see that they don't resent you for being gay.
While it would be good if they had empathy for me, what they need is more empathy from me. This is more about them now than me.
The healing business is a two way street.. It's great that you are doing this therapy. What a fantastic opportunity to get a closer more authentic bond with your children !!! !!
Onthehighway Great reading about your session with your kids as this gives me hope as I prepare mentally for the discussion with my daughters which I assume will occur in the next few weeks. I struggle with how much detail to tell them and when to tell them because I don't want to overwhelm them. I look forward to having the weight off my shoulders and I am ready for the discussion because I am so tired of being emotionally disconnected with them. Since I told my wife I've been trying to be normal - but in the back of my mind - every time I see my daughters, every time I hug them, I feel as off there is no emotional connection which I believe is driven by the fear of their reaction and the fact that I am lying to them. Telling my daughters will be the second mountain to climb... after that, I am ready to move on and hopefully have some peace.
Although I waited to tell them for a bit of time after telling their mom, they knew something was up. One of the things that really upset them was not hearing about it earlier. Causing them to struggle trying to figure out what the problem was between their parents. Hind sight is 20/20 I guess.
