While I have identified as bisexual for nearly 5 years, I feel that identifying as “Gay Bisexual” may be a better reflection of who I am. I believe that bisexuality is a continuum, and I definitely fall into the segment with a stronger preference for other guys. I’m definitely not straight, even though that’s the orientation that I project to the world. I’m at a point in my life where I feel that my life is a bifurcation of my true self and a faux self that has evolved around the life I’ve wanted to create by pretending to be straight. I've felt this way more and more lately - that somehow my true self is still dormant in a cave that I've heretofore only partially explored. I remember feeling a sense of deep longing trigged by this cave before I started to accept and explore my gay side, the period of time when the denial began to thaw. I once again feel the tug of this place, albeit in a more integrated way. Joseph Campbell - “The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.” Peace
Hi Interesting statement; I am gay and find there is no ONE way to be gay. Yes, there are stereotypes people struggle to fit into but in the end we are all individuals. Yeah, there are gays with faux self mannerisms. Many here struggle with feeling "lost" when they come out. People seem to want to live in pigeon holes. Personally, society teaches that system from an early age. To have acceptance and love metered out to you you must comply with a pigeon hole given to you. India is maybe the best at codifying the undercurrent that runs through all society around the globe. We all live in an unspoken cast system. That is why civil liberty is so important to me. Life, liberty and pusuit of happiness tears at the gut of that sicietal cast system. Be you and let the faux go. Let nobody brook your freedom or support them in brooking another's liberty. Said best by Franklin;
Hi Interesting statement; I am gay and find there is no ONE way to be gay. Yes, there are stereotypes people struggle to fit into but in the end we are all individuals. Yeah, there are gays with faux self mannerisms. Many here struggle with feeling "lost" when they come out. People seem to want to live in pigeon holes. Personally, society teaches that system from an early age. To have acceptance and love metered out to you you must comply with a pigeon hole given to you. India is maybe the best at codifying the undercurrent that runs through all society around the globe. We all live in an unspoken cast system. That is why civil liberty is so important to me. Life, liberty and pusuit of happiness tears at the gut of that sicietal cast system. Be you and let the faux go. Let nobody brook your freedom or support them in brooking another's liberty. Said best by Franklin; ---------- Post added 25th May 2015 at 02:43 AM ---------- Franklin
Thanks for the reply skiff! I kept the introduction brief, so let me provide more context. I am married with a family and didn't start coming to terms with my sexuality until 5 years ago. I could write a novel about the latter topic :lol: The faux self is the part of me who wanted to have a family and the life created around that desire. The true self is the gay side who has been hidden in the cave. My goal is to seal the breach, and I'm exploring whether coming out is the answer.
Welcome SiennaFire. I too have been dealing with my faux self and my real self. It took me a while to accept that my gay side is my true side, but I have completely come to terms with that now. Still wrestling with coming out and all of the problems that will create. Good luck to you and I hope you find the answer.
Thanks jwes. Sounds like we are in similar places, accepting of our gay side but unsure how coming out might affect our families. Hopefully we share the journey together.
There are a lot of married folks on here. I'm married with two kids and trying to figure out if/how my bisexuality fits in with all of that. My husband knows, so that's not an issue. A few very long time friends know, but that's it.
Hi, I am not sure it is a real choice. My experience both here on EC and personally is that the breach becomes untenable and either you give in or suffer emotionally. The latter is a miserable existence but the former at least offers hope with no guarantees. I cannot speak to bisexual as I am gay and your experience may differ. My naive choice or faux self was after being partnered 16 years and not finding another when it ended then naively assuming gays could not do it. Marriage was a desperate move to find the stability I had but could not find with the gay men I was encountering at the time. I had no evil itent. I only had my own life experience as there were no gay mentors or role models I could relate to. Different era then. Thanks for your thoughtful post.
I think the struggle for some bisexual folks is in feeling urges for different types of sexual relationships at basically the same time. Not every bisexual person feels those; I didn't for a long time. Or some bisexual people have fluctuations in attraction (sometimes in cycles). It can be harder for folks in either of those situations to be true to themselves and their desires while in monogamous relationships. I think the best plan for me would have been to keep a more open mind, but I'm kind of a type-A follow-the-rules person, so at 20, I had no idea how much my life/desires would/could change.
I'm much more comfortable with myself today than I was 5 years ago. Coming to terms mid-life was a tumultuous experience - wild swings of dark energy release as the repression lost its hold. And the first crush - I acted like a 13-year school girl when I had my first crush on another guy. Today I'm more accepting and wonder how my life might be different had I made different choices earlier on. Of course I cannot dwell on such speculation too long, there is no Undo option or time machine. So I must ponder the path forward. My situation is complicated because a child is involved. My hope is that by chatting with folks in the wonderfully supportive EC environment I can find an answer that works all around.
I kinda popped like shaking a bottle of champagne, the pressure builds, a catalyst occurs to unseal the cork and all,the foam shoots out. Within a week of accepting myself as gay, I came out. Thereafter, I just let the chips fall as they may. I knew I was taking a risk, but as I look back on the past three years, I am not sure the outcome would have been any different had I waited to come out compared to combining out promptly. Reading so many stories on EC has reinforced my view that the hurdles one faces on the path is typically so similar; but how each one deals with it determines what the ultimate outcomes will be.
@OnTheHighway Thanks for sharing the summary of your uncorking. Perhaps I may benefit from a more aggressive approach as well.
to continue with the analogy, as part of the process coming out to myself and to others, before popping the cork off the top, I did do a lot of soul searching to weight the pros and cons. Akin to researching what a good bottle of bubbly would be. What was the risk to the relationship with my kids - concluded they were resilient What was the risk to the ongoing well being of my then spouse - conclude she was independent and would be strong What was the risk to my career - I was prepared to loose it all and start over if need be; I am inherently a risk taker, this was just a different type of risk. All that said, you need to do your own research and come to your own conclusions as to what works best. For some, an aggressive approach works, for others, a more subtle approach is suitable.
Welcome to EC. Life is a journey and sometimes, under the bright sunshine, one may think of being in cave, when affection seems so distant. I hope the truth within these posts leads you to an open cave.
