Hello, I am a 26 year old female bisexual. I have lead a heterosexual life up until now, and although I have long suspected my interest in women I never took it seriously. About 10 months ago I finally started looking into that part of myself and it has involved a lot of ups and downs. I feel like I am being more true to myself, which is great, but it has also been very difficult. I still have not been with a woman, but I am in no doubt that I want to be with one, both sexually and romantically. My problem so far has been very great fear of meeting gay/bi women and telling them I am (a) bi and (b) completely inexperienced. I have read endless articles on how bi women can have a difficult time in the LGBT community, and although I am sure this is not always the case, it scares me. I also had an uncomfortable experience a few weeks ago when I told a girl I was interested in that I had recently figured out I am into women, and she laughed in my face and said "I've never heard that one before." That did not make me more comfortable with sharing my story with potential dates, to say the least All in all I am simultaneously horrified and extremely excited to begin this new chapter in my life. But I would very much appreciate some advice on how to start, how to get out there, and how and if I should share these things with the girls I meet? It would also be great to hear if anyone has similar stories to tell, and how they got through it. Thank you!
:welcome: I realized I was actually bi about 10 months ago, but I've been married for 13 years tomorrow. I don't have any dating advice, but I'm happy to chat about other bi issues.
im a 37 year old man who has identified as bi for most of my life. If I am honest and feeling percentage-prone, I'd have to say I am mostly gay. Still, I am married and have three small children. Recently my wife (whom I have always been very honest with about these things) and I have decided to divorce so we can both seek out lifestyles and relationships more in-line with who we really are. So I am joining you in setting out to explore this world of LGBT. I have hooked up with guys before I was married, but have no real relationship history with them. The notion of trying to meet guys to date and navigating the LGBT world is pretty intimidating to me, as it sounds like it is to you. I would be glad to have someone to share experiences with and talk with these things about though, if you would find that helpful as well. Might be a bit of the blind leading the blind, but better than diving in alone maybe!
I am 56 male and visited local LGBT support a couple of years ago, at that time I was not sure if I was gay or bi. I will say that although I felt as if I did not fit in I could talk to lots of people and get much good advice, mainly to stop making myself try to fit in to a pigeon hole and just to be myself. Ironically I found I despised the gay scene or at least the cruising part of it and found myself reading the trans magazines and getting aroused at them. Outwardly I am male and live that way but even my friends are beginning to notice my feminine side. Since dating a trans lady and talking to several others I now identify as BiGender and bisexual and I feel so relaxed about it. But I would not have got this far so easily without the support and non-judgemental friends that I made along the way and the balls to go into LGBT friendly bars. Forget what people say in banter and do not try to 'fit in' you will find yourself and happiness!
I am a bi female in my early 30s, in a similar situation. I would say don't worry, you're not at all alone, there are lots like us! I think you need to be very careful about who you tell your personal business to. Most people, never need to know. People ARE very judgmental out there, but it mostly because they are trying to protect themselves from getting hurt. You really don't need to tell someone that this is all new to you, unless that person has built up some trust over time as a friend. To simply hang out with someone in the LBGTQ community (in a non-support-group context), or even to have a date or two, does not require that you say anything about it. I usually side-step by saying its been a while since I've been in a relationship, or that I have not found any woman that I really click with to be serious in the last few years. That's good enough, for casual acquaintance-level conversation. If you are open to a casual relationship, you can kiss a woman, or even sleep with one, without really getting to know each other at all. Or, you can wait for someone you have grown close to over time, someone you can really trust, before you tell her and give her a chance to be your first. There ARE people out there who won't care, and who will actually find it exciting to be your first lesbian experience. But until they know you, it is fair for them to be wary of someone who is just "experimenting" or who is only just coming out of the closet and doesn't really know what she wants yet. That's why there is no need to tell someone when they're first getting to know you, because they may not be trust-worthy enough for you to be vulnerable to, and they may assume things about you before they know who you truly are. I would say work on getting some people in person that you can talk to about this as a friend - whether a therapist, LGBTQ Center, a bisexual MeetUp group, a gay friend you have no sexual interest in, whatever. Then embark on the dating scene SEPARATELY, so you have support and someone to talk to about coming out, but you don't feel such a need to share that with someone you are interested in physically, or romantically. If you do get close to someone and you want to be serious with each other, then they can get to know you at a slow pace and EARN your trust, not hear the most vulnerable parts of your life right now in the first time you meet. That way, you're less likely to be hurt by the jerks out there, and also less likely to hurt someone else because you won't be in as much of a rush to get close to somebody in a relationship - you'll already have other support. Hope this helps. Some people out there are mean. But they're not all like that. And there are lots of other women like us, such that you might even meet someone in your own circumstance and learn about this new world together. Just remember, it is true that people new to the lesbian scene can freak out and push you away, or run right back into the closet, just like they are afraid of you doing to them. It does happen, so take your time in getting to know people you want to know your innermost self.
Hey ladies this post has been really helpful to me, thanks for sharing. I am also wondering where Rainbow Blight is located as it is not listed. I'm in a similar situation to both of you.
