sexual desire after coming out

Stress can definitely kill the sex drive. Without knowing about your relationship with your FB, is it possible that you want more than sex?

 

I kind of had the opposite reaction. Figured out I was bi (and totally horny because I was with my trigger) and went to town with my husband. Good thing we were on vacation away from the kids... It was almost like being in college again!

 

This actually happened to me as well...it was as if finally, finally accepting that I am gay awoke a desire in me for something more than just sex, as if I would have said to myself: Okay, you're gay, this has to mean something...what you want is to experience more than just the physical sensations, you want to feel affection and love in this new world, the one that, up until now, you only flirted with, the one whose surface you only scratched...now you're in it, make it more than what it was before.

 

Does anyone remember the movie, dealing with ageism, with Ruth Gordon, "Harold and Maude"? Perhaps, a LGBT film of this theme could be made today.

 

once i accepted my gay side, i too wanted more than sex. this is difficult but not impossible while married and in the closet. with patience i was able to find someone with whom i share an emotional connection, though not quite dating, which is why i'm considering coming out so that i can enjoy a romantic evening with another guy and then spend the night.

 

Yes. For me it's why I had to go through all the pain and trouble of a divorce from a woman I care about quite a lot. I had to come out, completely, to try to find all if what I've been missing.

 

I found that the more out I got, the less interest I had in porn, which amazed me! I think that the closer it got to reality, the less interest I took in online fantasies. I never had any hookups either--I assumed I had a very limited sex drive, but I came to realize sex is just too connected with love and trust and relationships in my brain to do it with someone I didn't have a real investment in. Once I met my partner, whom I trust implicitly and love completely, I discovered that my sex drive was...umm, a lot healthier than I thought. Love can be one hell of an aphrodisiac.

 

For about two or three years before I came out to myself, my sex drive dropped like a rock and I had issues getting aroused (that should have been a sign). I was drinking very heavily and after consulting my doctor concluded it was the drinking and stress causing it.

About six months before I came out to myself, when I had my catalyst moment, I stopped drinking. At the same time, I started fantasizing like crazy, albeit still had massive difficulties going from fantasies to physical arousal.

After I came out to myself, I started getting physically aroused while fantasizing, but inconsistently. Within a few months of leaving my house, I got into a relationship and had my first post coming out gay sexual experience as an adult. Throughout my relationship with my first boyfriend, my ability to be sexually aroused was hit or miss as I continued to build my self confidence.

After my first boyfriend and I broke up, I spent quite a period of time hooking up. Let's just say I went through a phase. As I went through this phase, my confidence continued to increase. At the same time, I was continuing to deal with all the emotional implications of coming out. As a result, my ability to get physically aroused became more and more consistent.

Three years into it, where I have been in my current relationship for over a year, where I have made leaps and strides emotionally with being gay, my sex drive has never been higher. In fact, I feel as if I have the same drive as I did when I was a teenager. Part is because I am madly in love, part is because I feel like I am at a good place in life, part is because my confidence sexually is back.

It's definitely been a process.

 

This is really an insightful thread. I am still in the closet and my gay life is mostly porn and cyber/cam (no hook-ups). The desire for sex with another man is really intense. This is fine but I do feel there is something deeper that I want. It isn't as palpable as I can't imagine that connection with any particular guy. I have never had that connection or feeling in fact. But the idea that the connection is primary and sex adds to it sounds wonderful.

It is heartwarming to hear that so many of you now feel that deeper connection after coming out.

 

Definitely not crazy. I had a lot of concerns initially. I had a great ear from my GP, whom actually helped me understand how the stress and uncertainty lead to my diminished sex drive, and he helped me understand that I could create my own path to improve it. Being where I am now, I can certainly empathize with where your at, but have confidence that you too can work through it